MOTHER Memoirs, GPP #5: Sweet Home

I am wrested from my slumber. Under a blood red sky, three children solemnly trudge towards me – towards their doom.

The female bares a scowl. Her apprehension is delicious. “Mommy, could you really be in this house?”

Their leader fumbles with the key. It seems to tumble in slow motion before landing with a cloud of dust. He retrieves it, and struggles again to open to door.

“You’re not exactly the master of unlocking, are you?” asks the weakling. He is ignored.

Daylight caresses refuge of a family long gone. A rage builds inside me.

The female brushes against a grimy, white sheet strewn over a shapeless mass.

Insects scurry past her exposed toes.  A shriek.

“Be careful!” exclaims their leader. “Those might be some sort of biohazard!”

I allow them a few more steps inside. Then, the door slams shut. Total darkness.

The weakling cries out. His fear is sweet.

The female snaps her fingers and lights the way with a flame from her mind.

“This is worse than the abandoned part of Spookane,” says the leader.

“At least I don’t see any aliens,” offers the weakling. He grasps his pathetic toy gun so hard, his fingers begin cramping. “And we haven’t had to fight anything yet.”

Insignificant gnats. A fight is what you shall have.

The female passes by a long forgotten suit of armor. Centuries-old metal shines for a moment next to her fiery fingertips.

I smell blood, and strike.

Ghoulish eyes shine from inside the visor, and a steel hand clenches her by the throat. It’s warm. I can feel the blood pumping through her. She squeals in pain. 

The leader leaps towards the nasty knight, and metal rattles. The female is released. The lifeless armor crashes to the floor and the weakling scrambles away, nearly crushed, nearly the first victim.

“You were almost a Loid sandwich!” yells the leader.

I ache for their demise. I am no longer amused.

“GET. OUT.” My voice rumbles through the house. A painting slips off the wall and splinters into 1,000 pieces next to the leader.

My anger burns. The children begin to sweat.

I thought I had lost any feeling of compassion long ago. Something in leader’s eyes, however…

The front doors swing open.

“GET. OUT. NOW.”

The female begins to panic. “Ninten, my mom might be in here!”

The leader gives a small head nod. He is stoic. “I think there’s something important in here.”

The weakling quivers.

The trio continues into the cellar.

I AM ENRAGED. The doors slam shut.

“THEN… DIE!”

A harsh wind blows though the room, and the leader squints to see.

He is determined, and so is the female. How I yearn to break their souls.

They dart down the stairs, towards the heart of darkness.

“That’s not funny, Loid,” says the female.

“What are you talking about?” he replies.

“Just take your hand off my shoulder, okay?”

The leader’s eyes widened. “That’s not Loid!”

“Seriously?” asks the weakling. “We’re going with that old cliché?”

The stench of the creature’s rotting flesh seers the children’s nostrils and makes their eyes water. It swings and foul fingers dig into the leader’s exposed arm. Blood drips and seeps into the cellar floor.

Delightful.

The leader pushes his undead assailant down their stairs. Bones crack. The zombie returns to dust.

“T U R N   B A C K!”

Terror swallows them. They rush down the stairs. They push each other, struggling. They twist their ankles. They scream.

The children reach the bottom of the cellar.

The female yells, “Mommy, help me! Mommy, where are you?!” Her call is absorbed into the darkness.

“She’s not here!” exclaims the weakling. The female wails in sorrow. She leans over the broken down piano, and her tears splash down on it.

No. NO! How is this possible? The piano is reacting to her emotions! It plays the melody I was meant to protect!

The leader’s eyes light up. “That’s it!” he exclaims.

“What’s it?” asks the weakling, confused.

aaaaaaAAAAARRRRRRGGG! THE CHILDREN MUST DIE!

They begin to sweat even more. From 90 degrees to 100, and rising.

“We’ve gotta get out of here!” says the leader. They speed up the stairs form whence they came. Undead hands grab at their feet from below the stairs.

They close in on the exit, but I will not let them escape. The melody will die with them!

Two suits of armor block the way out. Slowly, they ready their spears.

“Leave us alone!” screams the leader. “Leave us all the heck alone!”

He waves his hand. They children are surrounded by light. The weakling pulls something from his pocket and throws it at the armors. A flash. One armor falls.

The other leans back and thrusts at the leader. WHAT?! The light protects him! The female waves her hand, the armor becomes cold as ice. It shatters to the floor.

No matter.

Try as they may, the pathetic children cannot open the door! No amount of physical strikes nor psychic nonsense can budge it. They are trapped here forever!

“Help! Help!” they yell. Keep screaming, children. Your despair is captivating.

But wait… a crash from outside? The doors splinter open! NOOOO! Who is this longhaired man with the peaceful necklace?!

“Run, man! Run!”

The children stumble through the hole and down the walkway. I can hear them speaking outside.

“Rescued from a haunted house by a hippie,” muses the weakling. “There’s a joke here somewhere.”

“How did you know where we – ” the leader stops. “Where are you? WHO are you?”

“Ninten, the door!” exclaims the female. It is just as it was before the mysterious man destroyed it.

“There was a hole here,” the weakling says in disbelief. “It’s gone now.”

They slink away, bloodied and confused, into the night.

With nothing left to protect, I begin losing consciousness. The anger I have felt for so long fades. Thank you...

I’m so sorry, Queen Mary… for…desecrating…your…home…

All photography by Matt.

MOTHER Memoirs, GPP #4: Here’s Your Hat, What’s Your Hurry

Thursday, December 19, 1985

Santa is coming and mommie says I been a good girl!!!! I got my pikture taken at school here it is

LOVE ANA

Tuesday, February 10, 1987

Dear Diary,

Mom bought me a pretty new hat for Velentyne Valentine’s Day I love my family very much. Can’t wait to show the kids at school!

 Gotta go Mom made dinner! And we just got cable, so after we eat, I can’t wait for Punky Brewster!

All my love,

Ana

Tuesday, May 30, 1989

Dear Diary,

Mom’s off to Spookane for three days. I hate it when she leaves like this, but I know she has to spread the Good Word. I hope she enjoys the warm weather!

I guess Dad and I will be “avoiding the Noid” and ordering out for pizza for a while. Dad always tries to tell me that pizza is good for me because it has tomatoes, but we both know it’s because he’s the world’s worst cook. Bless him for knowing his limits!

I’m off to watch the Wonder Years.

All my love,

Ana

Sunday, June 18, 1989

Dear Diary,

Mom’s been missing for nearly three weeks now. I’m really scared. Dad's really upset too, and if he breaks down, I’ll have no one.

With those wolves and bears getting bolder lately, the police are very busy and haven’t been much help in finding Mom. I’m taking matters into my own hands; I WILL find my mother!

The police say they haven’t seen any clues in Spookane, so I decided to start my search in Reindeer. I’m not used to such wonderful, lush vegetation, and if I weren’t worried out of my mind, I’d have stopped to enjoy the crops near the outskirts of town, and the old pretty farm houses.

The Father must love us to give us such beautiful things.

I must have spoken with the entire town, and the only thing I have to show for it are blisters on my feet and a nasty sunburn.

I couldn’t find mom. I’m starting to feel really sick – I think I caught a cold in the city. And to make it worse, I lost the hat Mom gave me for Valentine’s Day a few years ago. I must have left it on the train. I can’t believe I was so careless.

I’m starting to lose hope. Mom, come home!

-          Ana

P.S. There was one odd thing I forgot to mention: A grungy looking man with long hair and a peace sign necklace told me that a boy named “Ninten” could help me. My father taught me to never trust anyone who talks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. (I’m assuming Dad wouldn’t approve of the man's near constant air-guitaring and the eating out of garbage cans, either.) But there was something about his eyes that made me feel like he was telling the truth. It was his crazy version of the truth, but he was very sincere.

Tuesday, June 20, 1989

Dear Diary,

No news about Mom yet. I expanded my search to the outskirts of Reindeer and met a few new people along the way, but no one knows anything about my mother.

I found a pair of dentures outside of a big house on a hill. I thought they might belong to the homeowner, and they did. The kindly old man filled my bookbag with the worst tasting mouthwash I’d ever had, but honestly, I think it cured my cold – just like he said it would.

But I’m still no closer to finding my mother.

-          Ana

Friday, June 23, 1989

Dear Diary,

I think my prayers have been answered.

There was another huge snowstorm last night which is nothing new, but I decided to put off looking for Mom for a while and be there for my father instead. He looked so much older than he did when Mom was still here.

Dad and I headed down to the chateau to ask the Almighty for help and got inside right as the storm was getting really bad.

A few moments later, the doors creaked open. I thought the wind was to blame, but as I walked over to shut them, two boys caked with snow appeared. The one with the red hat wiped the snow off, and then ruffled the younger boy’s hair, shaking snow everywhere.

“I can see why they call this place Snowman,” said red hat boy. “It’s because you look like one after coming here.”

The younger boy surveyed the chateau with amazement. “What is this place?”

“Hello, I’m Ana.”

The boys were startled – I guess they hadn’t seen me yet – but then they looked happy to see a pair of friendly faces.

As soon as he looked at me, I knew that the boy with the red hat was Ninten. He had the same sincere eyes as the strange man from before.

“Are you Ninten?” I asked. He seemed surprised that I knew his name, but before I could explain how, I saw what he was carrying. It was my lost hat! This must have been a sign from above!

"And you," I said to the other boy, "you must be Jeff."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm Loid!"

We talked for a while, and Ninten said he had a feeling he needed to get my hat back to me, but the boys weren’t really sure what to do after that. Loid was along for the ride because he enjoyed Ninten’s company and “had nothing better to do on summer vacation than play Gameboy all day.”

When I told him that my mother was missing, Ninten and Loid both agreed to help me look for her! Since I had already been to Reindeer and the boys had just come from Merrysville, we decided to head to Spookane.

My father was deep in prayer. I held his hand and he opened his eyes. I told him I was planning on leaving.

“You’re kind of heart and you’ve got a secret strength,” he said. “Please don’t get hurt out there. I couldn’t bear losing you, too.”

“You won’t, Dad. And I’m going to find Mom.”

I put on my hat and grabbed my lucky frying pan from the wall.

“Those are some strange looking baseball bats,” said Ninten.

“You use frying pans as weapons?” Loid asked.

“Sure. My favorites are the ones from the Paula Deen collection.”

I looked out the window, and saw that the storm had stopped. Now was the time to go.

Mom, I know you’re out there and you’re safe. And now that I’ve found some new friends, I promise you: I will bring you home!

All my love,

Ana

Saturday, July 15, 1989

Dear Diary,

I think I’m in love.

I’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s driving me up a wall. We’ve only known each other for a few weeks. It’s crazy. This must be how Zack Morris feels about Kelly, or how Kevin feels about Winnie Cooper.

I’m going to tell him tonight. Wish me luck.

All my love,

Ana

All photography by Matt.

MOTHER Memoirs, GPP #3: Out of the Garbage Can into the Fire

It gets extremely hot when you’re hiding in metal garbage cans during the summer months. I much prefer either the spring or the fall for that, but today I had no other options.

The kids at school pick on me all the time. They call me names like “weakling” or “four eyes." I thought they might leave me alone because it’s the last day of school, but that just made things worse.

Before class, Bill and Ted put a whoopee cushion on my chair. I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad, if they hadn’t put mustard in it. And angry spiders. And called the local news station to film it.

Right before lunch, Bill gave me a Wet Willy with candle wax on his fingers, and while I was changing for gym, Ted filled my sneakers with Cheez Whiz…then superglued them to the bench.

I had had enough. My fists clenched and my shoes sloshing and sticking, I stormed out of the locker room. The bullies were waiting for me.

“You guys need to stop this,” I said firmly.

“Make me, spaz,” replied Ted.

“Let’s get him!” Bill yelled. 

As I ran down the hallway and up the stairs, I could hear them gaining on me. “Come back here, you preppie!”

The teachers I passed didn’t know I was in trouble, and shouted at me, “no running!”

At the end of the next hallway, I saw that the door to the roof had swung open. The janitor must have left it unlocked again! What luck! I dove through the door, slammed it shut, and leapt into a nearby garbage can. Whenever this happens, Bill and Ted never think to check that garbage can. I’ve heard their conversations while I was hiding, too. They know I’m into rockets, and they're convinced that I have one stashed up here that I fly away on.

But this time, all I heard was the door shaking. The janitor must locked it, but forgotten to close it! I was trapped.

I’d have been more concerned if we were learning anything new in class, but since it was the last day, all the teachers decided to take it easy. With nothing better to do, I whipped out my Gameboy.

A few minutes later, I heard the door open. Someone was on the roof with me! At first I thought it was the bullies, but it was a voice I’d never heard before.

“Hello?”

“Who are you? I won’t come out!”

“Oscar?! Is that you!? I always knew you were real!”

“No, my name’s Loid.”

“You sound more like a Jeff. Are you sure your name’s not Jeff?”

“Yes!”

“Like, what percentage?”

“Listen, I don’t know who you are, but I’m not coming out. If I do, everyone will pick on me.”

“Are you more than 70 percent sure about that Jeff thing? Or only a little sure?”

“Go away!”

“You’re making a bad case that you’re not Oscar the Grouch.”

I was silent. After a few moments, I thought the owner of the voice had left. But then: “I don’t care who you are. Let’s be friends.”

“So you’re really not going to give me a wedgie?”

“No.”

“And you’re not going to steal my lunch money?”

“No.”

“And you’re not going to pour honey on me, wrap me up in a shag carpet, and roll me into a tree under a beehive?”

“I can’t make any promises.”

“Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Okay, I’m coming out!”

I slid the lid off and rested it gently next to the can. I could tell the boy was slightly disappointed that I wasn’t Oscar the Grouch.

He said his name was Ken. “But my friends call me Ninten.”

“What should *I* call you?”

“Ninten! Use my nickname. That’s what bein’ friends is about.”

I’ve never had a friend before. For the first time since mom bought me my Gameboy, I felt really happy. But I didn’t tell Ninten that. Instead, I told him about the bullies, and how I ran away, and how they thought I could use rockets to fly around.

“Rockets, eh?” Ninten asked. “You know, I saw a place that might have some spare bottle rockets on my way back from, uh… Well, let me see if I can get you one.”

Wow! A friend, and now a gift! Maybe this wasn’t such a bad day after all. I started to get back in the garbage can.

“Now don’t go back in there! I want you to stand outside like a normal person and enjoy this view until I get back.”

As he walked out, I heard him mumble, “First Pippie, and now this. I find more friends in large containers than I do face-to-face.”

I had never noticed before, but the view from the top of Twinkle Elementary is beautiful.

About 20 minutes later, the door swung open again. Ninten handed me the coolest bottle rocket I’d ever seen! I knew we had to try it out. I led my new friend down the stairs and into the science room. Nobody was there because everyone was getting ready to leave for summer break.

“Check this out!” I yelled, lighting the rocket’s fuse.

“Shouldn’t we have done this outside?” Ninten asked.

The rocket shot into the air and around the room, lodged itself in a shelf of chemicals, and exploded. Green goo covered the walls, and chairs and desks were lying broken on the floor.

“Yes, outside next time,” I agreed. We slipped out of the room right as a pair of teachers were coming in. I’m glad they didn’t notice us.

“Holy aardvarks! It’s like Mr. Wizard ate Bill Nye and got sick in here!” one of them screamed.

The bell rang, marking the beginning of summer vacation. The hallways swelled with cheering kids, swarming out of the building. Bill and Ted were so excited, they ran right past me. Ninten and I waited for the crowd to disperse before stepping outside.

Ninten tilted his head up, counting the floors of the school.

“This place is huge,” he said.

That’s when I got a great idea! “We should go to Duncan’s Factory. I hear they’re constructing the mother of all rockets.”

Ninten nodded. “With the week I’ve been having, I’d like to have a little bit of fun. Besides, I heard that the trains aren’t running because there’s a huge pile of rocks covering the tracks. I don’t really feel like walking all the way home, so I guess I have some time to kill.”

As we started walking to Duncan’s Factory, a school bus whizzed past us.

Ted stuck his head out the window and yelled something, and Ninten shook his fist. Ted was shocked! It was great.

Duncan’s Factory is really far away. I was always too afraid to go by myself, but I knew the way by heart. First, you follow the train tracks.

Then, you head past the creek.

After you go through a big thicket, you’re almost there.

Ninten and I made the trip much faster than I thought we would, and soon, we could see the factory.

“Wow! It’s great!” I said.

“Wow, it’s creepy,” Ninten replied. “Does Duncan have a side project making Halloween decorations or something?”

I got so excited, I began to run towards the factory. A hand on my shoulder yanked me back, and I almost fell down. At first I was afraid Ninten had lured me out here to bully me, and my heart sank.

That’s when I saw the stray dog snarling in front of me.

“It looks like he’s protecting the factory!” I exclaimed. “What do we do?”

“We fight!” Ninten pulled a boomerang out.

“But… I’ve never been in a fight before.”

“Fighting is easy. Just use your boomerang.”

“But I don’t have one!”

“Don’t have one…? Oh, I see! You use baseball bats then.”

“That’s barbaric!” I yelled. All the while, the stray dog inched ever closer.

Ninten looked confused. “Well then, just… hit it with your hand!”

“What if I hurt him?”

“You’re just looking to knock some sense into him, that’s all!’

I gathered my courage and looked the dog straight in the eyes. The last thing I remembered is it lunging towards me.

When I woke up, I was in a cool, dark place. If I were a bottle of olive oil or hydrogen peroxide, I’d have been I heaven. Ninten was standing over me.

“Your first fight didn’t go so well,” he explained.

“Where am I?”

“After that dog jumped on you, I shooed him away and dragged you in here, in the factory. Turns out all he wanted to do was play fetch. I guess he just played too hard for you.”

I sat up and looked around. Wow! Duncan’s Factory was amazing!

My enthusiasm waned as Ninten and I traveled through the maze-like halls, looking for the giant rocket I heard about. It was like backpacking through the Sahara, only with more dust.

Also, every rat, robot and piece of scrap metal wanted to hurt me! Ninten tried to protect me with his boomerang, but everything would just go around him and straight for me. I can only assume that robots survive solely on a diet of quivering childflesh.

After what seemed like hours (Ninten told me was only about 15 minutes), we found it: the hugest, most beautiful “Boom-Bomb” brand rocket I’d ever seen. I shed a tiny tear down my dusty, bruised face.

A man wearing a lab coat stood with his back to us, looking down at a clipboard. I was scared that he’d kick us out. Ninten called to him.

“That’s quite the rocket,” he said.

“Yes,” returned the man. “It is.”

The man didn’t turn around. Ninten’s hand hovered over the boomerang tucked in his belt. “Who are you?” he asked.

The doctor let out a single chuckle. “You can call me… Dr. Groovy!”

Classic rock ‘n’ roll music started playing from out of nowhere, and the doctor threw his clipboard in the air. For the first time, I noticed his long, red hair and out-of-control hippie beard.

“How do you keep finding me?!” Ninten exclaimed.

“Like, let’s get the party started!” he screamed. He pointed at me. “Do the honors, man!”

“Ninten, what the heck…?”

“It’s fine,” he sighed. “He’s weird, but he’s not dangerous.”

The hippie motioned towards the rocket. My heart began to beat so hard I felt like I’d just come out of gym class. This is it! I was going to fire the biggest bottle rocket ever! I pulled the leaver, and in a fiery flash, it was gone!

“Far out!” said the Hippie. “I aimed that thing at the pile ‘o rocks blocking the trains! I bet you could like, ride the rails now, man!”

The strange man smiled at us, said good bye, and walked away.

“I guess I can go home now on the train,” said Ninten. “Let’s check it out.”

The walk back to civilization was pretty uneventful. We were tired, and we didn’t talk much. I was psyched about getting to fire off the big rocket, but sad that my only friend was going home.

Half way to Union Station, and I was lost in thought.

“Do you hear that?” Ninten asked. I snapped out of it.

“Hear what?”

“A low rumbling sound, like a school bus.”

We stopped and listened. Sure enough, I heard it too. And the unmistakable sound of a truck horn.

Then we saw it.

“That’s…Optimus Prime!” Ninten exclaimed. “Optimus! Over here, buddy!”

The truck barreled towards us! I started screaming, but Ninten thought I was cheering and joined in too.

“That is NOT Optimus Prime!” I yanked on Ninten’s shirt and dragged him past the busted up rocks and debris from where the rocket hit. The path was too narrow for the giant truck to fit through. Its horn bellowed sinisterly, like a wild animal.

“Goodbye Optimus!” Ninten yelled. “Till all are one!” Ninten looked at me, beaming. “He’s more than meets the eye, you know.”

After that, it wasn’t long before we were standing in Union Station.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, friend,” I said.

“I guess so.”

Before he could get to the ticket window, an old woman waved at us and walked over. “Are you boys going to Snowman by any chance?”

“No, I’m headed back to Podunk,” Ninten said.

“Well, I found this hat with the name ‘Ana’ written on the inside. I think the owner lives in Snowman.” She handed Ninten the hat. “I bet she really misses it.”

Ninten stared at the headgear. I could tell he was pondering something.

“So, what now?” I asked.

“Now we go to Snowman.”

All photography by Matt except “Garbage Can,” courtesy of nuchylee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

MOTHER Memoirs, GPP #2: On Flying Man's Wings

I am the Flying Man. My destiny is to help you.

We are a proud, honor-bound tribe of five. We believe that everyone has the right to continuous happiness.

The young boy Ninten wondered into our home last night, bewildered. My brothers and I could sense that he didn’t belong in Magicant, but we cared about him anyway. We could not wait to serve him.

We tended to his wounds and the boy went to sleep. Since there was one less bed, my brothers and I took turns watching over him all night until he recovered.

Ninten sat up with a look of fear. It quickly melted into sadness. Seeing his despair hurt my heart.

“What is wrong, young friend?” I asked. “Do you wish for me to get you food or drink?”

With great distress, the boy told of a land outside of Magicant, and the family he desperately wished to see again. He also asked for pancakes with sprinkles.

Though I had never heard of any world other than Magicant, nor pancakes, I told him that my brothers and I would do whatever we could to help him in his quest. The first step was to obtain an audience with Queen Mary and see if her wisdom could guide us. I could tell that Ninten was very grateful for our aid.

“What should I call you?” Ninten asked.

“I am T. Hawk.”

“What does the 'T' stand for?”

“The.”

“And your brothers?”

“They are Eagle, Birdie and Raven. And fetching something for you to eat is Nightwolf.”

“But he’s a bird.”

“Yes.”

“And his name is NightWOLF.”

“Yes.”

“Seems legit.”

Sometime later, we arrived at Queen Mary’s castle. Her guards smiled at us and let us through. Ninten’s eyes grew wide as he drank in the regal sights.

Her majesty sat upon a vibrant velvet throne. When she saw Ninten, she stepped down and looked into his eyes, like mother and son.

“Queen Mary, I am T. Hawk, and this is-”

She waved her hand knowingly.

“Welcome, Ninten,” she said. Her voice was calm and sweet. “Here in Magicant, everyone is your friend. Here, you can have as much as you want of whatever you want.”

“Then, why do you look so sad?” Ninten asked. Her Majesty cracked a crooked smile, and did not answer.

Ninten told her how he desired to go home. Queen Mary nodded. “You must travel through the Crystal Caverns. The answer lies there,” she said.

We thanked Queen Mary and turned to leave. Suddenly, Ninten stopped.

“Queen Mary, for some reason I think you should know this. I just can’t get this song out of my head,” he said. “Let me sing it for you: Take a melody, simple as can be. Give it some words and…”

Her Majesty fell to her knees. “Please! Don’t stop singing!”

“I’m sorry, Queen Mary. That’s all I know.”

“I beg you to learn the rest of that melody. It’s only a few more notes. When you learn them all, return and sing for me.” She stared off into the distance. “If only I could hear that song.”

Ninten nodded. “I promise.”

Queen Mary returned to the throne and closed her eyes.

“Ninten, it is time for us to leave,” I said. “Let us visit the magic fountain and pray for good luck on our journey.

He nodded solemnly.

####

The beautiful fountain has a calming effect on travelers. As Ninten and I relaxed for a few moments, the sun warmed our bodies and the rushing water soothed our ears.

A quiet voice roused us from our rest. “Did you call me up?”

An old man stood before us. It seemed like he had appeared from thin air. There was no need to ready ourselves for battle. I sensed in him only benevolence.

“I was just sitting here,” Ninten explained. “I didn’t say a word. I was just thinking about my great-grandfather.”

The old man nodded. “I heard your soulful cry. Do you need any money? Let’s see if grandpa has any money for the children.”

“I am as old as the wind,” I replied. “Besides, we have no need of currency. The land will provide for us.”

“I accept 20s and 50s,” said Ninten.

That was the only respite we would have. Moments later, our journey became violent.

The Big Woodoh was getting the better of us. Every punch I landed scraped my knuckles, every kick rattled my knees, and the beast was too large to throw. Even with his new boomerang, Ninten could hardly pierce the terror tree’s defenses.

“Foul demon! You scare even the nature spirits with your ways!” I exclaimed. The Woodoh grinned back, full of hate.

With a tremendous blow, Ninten destroyed the creature. The earth shook fiercely. I took the boy in my arms and shielded him from the heat and debris as the Woodoh turned itself to ashes.

We stopped by the town to heal our wounds. But before we could resume our quest to the Crystal Caverns, Ninten ran into a nearby shop. Hanging on the walls inside were an array of combat supplies.

“Wouldn’t this be easier if you had a weapon?” he asked me.

“The Flying Men fight with honor, not weapons.”

But Ninten was already waving a fistful of money at the clerk.

“Can you give T. Hawk a gun? Please? He really, really needs it!”

####

The boy and I climbed into the well that leads into the Crystal Caverns.

“Why do they call this the Crystal Caverns?” Ninten asked. “I can’t see a darn th-”

The boy's next step brought him through the hatch and into the caverns. They glistened blue and white. And though they appeared jagged, the walls were smooth as silk to the touch.

As we traveled, each step rang through the endless passages. This went on for quite some time. We turned yet another corner and I bumped into something soft and furry. It was the dreaded Raeb Yddet!

“We’ve got this!” Ninten exclaimed, readying his boomerang.

The Raeb Yddet summoned a Nipxur Yddet! Ninten’s expression went blank.

“Hi! My name is Nipxur Yddet! Can you and I be friends? I really enjoy talking to people. Let me tell you the story of when…”

“No… no! Leave me alone! You’re only friendly until your batteries start running out!”

Ninten sprinted around the Yddets, and past the mythical sleeping dragon, shrieking all the way. I could not keep up with him! I am not sure what scared him so, but the demons of his world must pale in comparison to those of Magicant.

I knew we were nearing our goal when I saw the Crystal Cave’s guardian, the golden flying fish.

“Ninten, we must be careful. The fish guardian is very dangerous.” As I said this, the beast spotted us. It charged at Ninten! I used my body to shield him from the blow. Pain shot though my wound.

The boy waved his fingers, and a shield appeared around us. As the fish tried to break through, Ninten swung his boomerang like a sword, sending him reeling. Another blow, and our enemy faded away, leaving only a treasure box.

Ninten opened it.

“What is this thing?”

“That is the Onyx Hook of legend,” I replied. “With it, you can visit Magicant any time you want.”

A man’s voice congratulated Ninten on a battle well fought. Until that moment, neither of us had noticed him standing in what was, we thought, a way out.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I am a forgotten man,” he whispered. “You didn't have to notice me.... Please ignore me. I am a man who does not exist. I've been alone from the moment I was born. Why do you insist on talking to me? Are you a forgotten man, too?"

“No,” Ninten replied. “And I don’t think I could ever forget someone as weird as you.”

“Like, I knew you would remember me, man!”

He stepped out into light. “The hippie?” Ninten exclaimed in disbelief. “How did you even get here?”

“How did any of us get here, man? It’s all so cosmic.”

“Who is this man?” I asked. I received no answer. He turned and walked out the door.

Ninten shrugged and began to follow the strange man.

“Wait, Ninten. I am injured.”

“Hold on, I think I still have a magic herb. It’s not the best, but it should hold you over until we can get back to town.”

I shook my head. “No, Ninten. You must go on without me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You must remain strong, Ninten,” I said. “There is greatness in you. I do not know how, but the world – your world – needs you. “

Slowly, Ninten understood. I could sense great grief in him. His eyes became moist, and leaked tiny droplets into his shirt. The only other person I had ever seen do such a thing was Queen Mary. I believe she called it “crying.”

“Please, Ninten. Save your tears. There is no crying until the end.”

“I’ll never forget you, T. Wolf Birdie Eagle!”  

The boy was stupid, but sincere.

He patted my head, and disappeared through the door in front of him. I closed my eyes and thought of my brothers. I was so thankful for my time with them, and with young Ninten. It was a pleasure serving them.

All the pain in my body faded away and I drifted off to sleep.

####

I am the Flying Man. My destiny is to help you.

We are a proud, honor-bound tribe of four. We believe that everyone has the right to continuous happiness, even at the cost of our own lives.

We cannot wait to serve you.

All photography by Matt except "Flying Man" and "Queen Mary" from family archives.

MOTHER Memoirs, GPP #1: Poltergeists, Pippie, and a Plastic Bat

This is my house. I live in Podunk.

This is my dog, Snoopy.

And this is the lamp that tried to eat me today.

The big kids were still taking tests and Twinkle Elementary in Merrysville was open for another week, but for me and my sisters, school let out for the summer yesterday. I had vowed to make the most of my vacation, and was making good on that promise: I had already gotten to the final world in Super Mario Bros. 7.

A pair of Hammer Brothers protected the bridge, and King Koopa was waiting at the end, no doubt. Only few quick moves, and Mario would finally rescue Princess Toadstool and free the Mushroom Kingdom. Again.

I guess I play a lot of Nintendo. My mother used to call me “Nintendo Boy” when I was little, and when my sister Minnie started talking, she called me “Ninten” because the whole word must have been too hard for her. Mom thought it was so funny, she started me calling that instead, and it stuck.

The lights flickered suddenly, and Mario disappeared into a sea of darkness. My heart shattered. What a horrible time for a power failure!

I didn’t have much time to be upset. From the corner of my eye, I saw my lamp floating around the room. My reflection made it look almost like it had a face.

“What the heck…?”

It hurdled towards me and I jumped out of my chair like Mario. It floated off the floor again and looked like it wanted to take another swing at me. Aside from that time Teddy Ruxpin was running out of batteries and sounded like a demon, I’ve never been so afraid of a minor appliance in my life.

“Stay away for me!” I yelled. “Or I’ll hit you with-” I looked around for my baseball bat, but it was missing! “-my, uh, hand!”

It flew at me again, and I swung as hard as I could. SMAAAASH!! The lamp didn’t move anymore.

I wondered if the whole summer would be like this. “At times like this, kids like me should be playing Nintendo games!” I yelled.

A shriek came from Mimmie’s room! I leapt over the dead lamp and threw open her door. The naked, hairless doll she had inherited from great-grandma was whizzing about the room like a spaceship. It was slightly creepier than normal.

I swatted it, knocking it into the wall. The doll cracked almost in half, revealing a tiny music box.

And then it played that song. Lamps and shoes and scrunchies were zooming through the air trying to kill us, and a trio of female screams echoed through the halls, but all I could concentrate on were those five notes.

“Take a melody…” “Take a melody…” “Take a melody…”

I felt something tugging on my shirt and snapped out of it. My sister handed my Wiffle ball bat to me like a squire handing a knight his sword. You know, if the sword were plastic, and made in China, and one time the knight nailed a homerun with it in front of his whole class.

This analogy has gotten out of hand.

I was about to take a potshot at a Cabbage Patch Kid when the lights stopped flashing and everything that was floating around fell to the floor.

#####

The sweet summer air swirled around me and the sun beat down on my back. It was hard to believe I was standing in a cemetery. I choked up on my bat instinctively.

“Poltergeists,” I said quietly. That’s what Dad thinks attacked us this morning. He thought my great-grandfather George’s diary might help explain what was going on, but all the entries were gibberish.  Great-grandpa kept babbling about masks and books, and a child. And what are the hills of Elfshima?

Just ahead was some kind of crypt. I had a feeling that the missing girl, Pippi, was in there. The door was already open. Could it be the work of those zombies I had heard about in town?

When I had gone to the mayor to report the crazy stuff that happened at our house that morning, he ignored me and asked me to go save Pippi.

“Citizen, I know you would like to help your town,” he said. “A child has strayed into the cemetery, and I’m up for re-election soon.  You must help! Please help me!”

“Sir, I don’t really have time for that now. Today my lamp tried to kill me, and I slapped a baby, and-”

“Oh, you’ll go there and save her? Thanks, son!”

“But I- ”

“Thank you, come again.”

If I wanted any answers, it looked like I’d have to save the girl first.

As I tried to gather enough courage to step into the crypt, I my body went cold. Something was watching me. I readied my bat and spun around.

“Like whoa, peace and love!”

The sun glared off the hippie’s peace sign necklace into my eyes, and I nearly lost my balance. I thought his radio blasting ’50s rock n’ roll was loud until he started screaming at me though his bullhorn.

“Like, attention! Your mother is calling you, man!”

“Get a job, you beatnik!”

The sound of plastic-on-skull echoed through the cemetery. The hippie regained all senses. “I doubt that,” I said, creeping into the darkness.

The tomb was dead silent, save for dripping coming from God knew where. And have you ever had a cobweb in your mouth? Let me tell you, it’s not as fun as it sounds.

Deeper and deeper I went, until I could see a faint glow. A pair of candles barely illuminated a small chamber. I saw three coffins – two with their lids already on the grimy floor. The last coffin shook a bit. I could hear what sounded like moaning from inside.

I snuck over, bat in my right hand, my left grazing the top of the coffin. I pried the lid off slowly. A pair of eyes pierced the darkness, staring straight into my soul.

“Aieee! A zombie!” I swung my bat and missed.

“You saved me!” yelled a young voice. From the coffin emerged… the Wendy’s logo?

“You’re my hero!” she exclaimed. “I’m Pippie, and I’m lost. What’s your name?”

I held my hand out to shake hers. She didn’t notice it was quivering.

“K-Ken,” I said. “But my friends call me Ninten.” Pippie ignored my extended hand and hugged me around the neck.

We climbed out of the crypt and into the daylight again.

“You need to be more careful,” I said. “Children shouldn’t play with dead things. Hey, how did you manage to get stuck in that coffin all by yourself?”

“Oh,” said Pippie. “I didn’t go in there myself. Those guys grabbed me and put me in.”

I followed to where she was pointing. Dark figures were shambling towards us from all sides!

“Zombies!” I screamed. “There’s too many for us to fight! Run!”

Through the path and back to civilization we traipsed. I could see the edge of town.

“We made it, Pippie! Pippie?!”

I looked back just in time to see a zombie leap out in front of her. Pippie ran full tilt into the unwelcome undead and fell flat on her behind.

I lurched forward, bat in-hand, but something beat me to the punch. A bullhorn shattered over the zombie’s head, and she fell into the grass. It was the hippie!

“Groovy,” he said.

The hippie pulled Pippie to her feet.  His glance darted to mine.

“Like, run, man!”

He didn’t have to tell us twice. I tossed him a can of orange juice as a thank you, and he disappeared through the bushes, heading towards the Canary Village I had visited earlier.

On our way through town, I told Pippie all about the poltergeists, Great-Grandfathers Diary, and the strange tune stuck in my head.

We passed by the mall and decided to grab a bite to eat.  Running away from killer corpses takes a lot out of you, I noticed.

“What kind of world do we live in where French fries cost $15?! It’s not even a large.”

I could tell that Pippie was famished, so I ponied up the cash. She smiled at me in between bites.

“You’re brave, Ninten,” she said.

“Not really,” I replied.

Suddenly, her eyes lit up. She handed me the fries and dug around in her pocket. “I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you rescuing me. This shiny badge will protect you. Keep it!”

“Ok, thanks, Pippie.  It’s time to go home.”

#####

“Who has lost his tail?”

The voice came from thin air, speaking directly to my mind.  It was just like that…spaceman?... that had been driving all the zoo animals to violence.

I tensed up a bit, expecting another fight from the bizarre pink rock that jutted out of the ground in front of me. But when nothing happened after a minute or two, I relaxed.

The cave was cool and dry, a nice change from the summer heat.

“Who has lost his tail?” I repeated. Popping open my last can of O.J., I sat on the ground to think. I hummed a few bars. “Take a melody. Simple as can be. Give it some words and…”

Then it dawned on me. I pulled out Great-Grandfather’s Diary and leafed through the tattered pages. There, in the middle of the book, was my answer.

“The forgotten one of the ship that sails the cosmos,” I read aloud.

The rock flooded the cave with white light. I’d have been scared, but it seemed familiar in a way – almost calming.

And when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t in Podunk anymore.


All photography by Matt.