Earthbound Scrapbook Entry #11: Tombs of the Ancients (GPP11)

“This must be the place,” said the boy in the red cap.

“Yes, boy! It’s the place of your SHOCKING demise!” I thought.

We had protected this cave for thousands of years, protected it from the unworthy, the unwashed thieves who might come to dishonor us. Up until then, no one had been able to conquer the rabid, deadly bunny statues, but these… these CHILDREN found a way through! Perhaps they were worthy of the treasures of the Pink Cloud… or perhaps they were simply lucky!

“We will see how lucky they remain!” I thought.

“I can sense a great evil here,” said the Dalaamese boy.

I watched them from the shadows.

“Judging by his garb, this boy is trained in the Mu arts. Perhaps… perhaps they really ARE the ones we have been waiting for. We shall see!”

I snuck behind the children, waiting for the best time to strike.

“Evil? Do you mean Giygas’s toadies?” asked the female.

Giygas? Ha! That windbag attempted to woo us to his aid, but never shall the inhabitants of the Pink Cloud Cave be swayed to action by anyone! Our eternal duty was to protect the treasure of the Pink Cloud, keeping it safe for the Chosen Ones when they came to collect it for their important journey.

“Wait… it is not exactly evil,” said the Mu artist. “But it does not want us to access the sanctuary if we are not truly worthy.”

I respected this Mu artist and his friends; their attitude was indeed worthy of our great treasures.

“But their strength must match!” I thought.

They climbed the nearby rope and the Mu artist respectfully did not attempt to look up the dress of the sassy female.

“He is saintly indeed; he should prove to be an excellent adversary,” I thought.

At the top, I watched as the four destroyed my Tangoo brothers with ease. They entered the first hole leading to Master Thunder and Master Storm. Now was the time to strike!

“It’s a Thundermite!” exclaimed the boy in the strange suit. “A normal attack should suffice.”

The boy in the red hat hit me with his strange weapon and the Mu master chanted an ancient ice spell! I was damaged, but it was my turn to strike back! The moment for which I had waited countless decades was finally at hand! I shot out two blasts of lighting and …AHHH! The first missed! But the second flew directly at the female! I was about to DESTROY the unworthy intruder! I… WHAT!? The lightning was coming back at me!

My own attack struck ME. I felt my life energy wavering.

“These four children… they are the… CHOSEN ONES!” I said.

With the last of my energy, I decided to follow these miraculous mercenaries though the cave to gauge their progress. It was… very difficult to watch them defeat Master Thunder and Master Storm, but at least we knew that these children were indeed the Chosen Ones. Our treasure, then, rightly belonged to them.

They reveled in the glory of the Pink Cloud.

*   *   *

As we exited the cave, I was so stealthy that the Chosen Ones had no idea that I was watching their progress!

“That Thundermite is totally following us, dude,” said the red capped one.

“I know,” replied the one in the suit. “Just humor him.”

ENTIRELY unnoticed was I!

“Well, Thundermite or not, we need to get to Scaraba,” said the female.

“Leave that to me,” said the Mu artist. Without warning, he ran so quickly in a circle that I was sucked into his vortex! Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by sand and sun! What kind of a place is this!?

“Okay, now to find a sailor willing to take us to Scaraba!” said the boy in the suit.

“I have a good idea who to ask,” replied the red capped boy.

They headed towards a place full of boats.

*   *   *

“Yarr, I be over me seasickness now,” said the man with the beard.

Though the four Chosen Ones seemed to trust him, I thought this captain was worthy of a MUTINY! But before I could come out of hiding to suggest that scenario, something shook the ship until it nearly tipped over!

A massive Kraken had discovered us and was ready to destroy everyone!

“I think we’re going to need a bigger boat,” said the red capped one.

With a speed I’d never before witnessed, the Kraken grabbed the Mu master in its horrible mouth and shook him like a DOG would shake a SMALL ANIMAL. Second later, his broken body slammed back on the deck of the ship.

While the beast was distracted by mauling his friend, the boy in the suit had fashioned sort of projectile weapon out of a toothbrush, a metal can and the bubble gum he had been chewing.

“This is for Poo!” he exclaimed.

The creature reeled from the blast. It swung its tail mightily, barely missing the boy in the red hat. The female chanted a strong ice spell and the red capped boy attacked with his strange weapon, but the creature continued its assault.

“Take this, ya salty seadog!” yelled the captain. With a mighty “Yarr!” he threw his slippers at the beast!

The Kraken still drew breath, even after that incredible assault! One slipper still stuck to its massive maw, it summoned LIGHTNING from the sky! The bolt raced towards the female.

She smiled.

In a flash, the energy had been deflected off of her and back at the monster! It took but the SINGLE BLAST to destroy the infamous creature!

The Kraken sunk back into the sea. Without fanfare, we pushed ahead towards Scaraba.

*   *   *

"I can see the Scarabian shoreline!" yelled the Mu master. It was a truly AWESOME sight.

A few minutes later we had disembarked. A strange new world of sand and secrets spread out before us.

"I have a feeling that we need to be very careful," said the female.

*   *   *

It had been hours since we landed in Scaraba and the Chosen Ones had set out to find the ancient Scarabian pyramid of legend. With much sand building in their shoes and nothing to show for it, I was beginning to fear that the pyramid… did not exist.

Then the silence was broken: “Do you remember Super Mario Bros. 3?” asked the boy in the suit. “The pyramid there was HORRENDOUS. I lost more than 15 lives the first time I attempted it. Also, can you recall the pyramid in Final Fantasy V? I was trapped in THAT one for days on end with approximately 3 MP and maybe, MAYBE two healing items! And don’t get me started on the pyramid from Dragon Quest III!”

“So what’s your point?” asked the red-capped boy.

“My personal studies all point to the fact that that if we enter the ancient Scarabian pyramid, there is a 98.96 percent chance that we are going to DIE,” he replied, “as well as a 99.976 percent chance that our deaths will be horribly uncomfortable.”

“But this isn’t some video game, Jeff,” said the female. “This is real.”

“Wait, look!” yelled the red capped boy. “Up ahead!”

I believe we all saw it at the same time: The Scarabian pyramid of legend! Still entirely undetected, I followed the Chosen Ones to the wondrous structure.

“How do we get in?” asked the female. “Hey, you’re pretty ancient and stuff. Have you got any ideas, Thundermite?”

GHA! A mere guess! She could not have seen me following all this time! Before I could reply, the Mu master said: “According to what we learned at the Fourside museum, we must dance in front of the sphinx. Just like this.”



The door to the ancient pyramid slid open slowly. For a moment, each of us simply stared at the entrance. Then:

“Let’s go,” said the red capped one.

I watched them enter, still entranced by the pure MAJESTY of it all! How I would be honored to protect a place like this from intruders!

In my awe, I didn’t notice the door slamming shut until it was too late! I was trapped outside! From beyond the ancient walls, all I could hear was screaming and the sounds of combat.

I decided to cross the body of water in front of me and wait at the pyramid’s exit. There was not much else I could do…

*   *   *

Much time had passed since the Chosen Ones had entered the tomb. I was beginning to think that…

Suddenly, the exit door slid open! The Chosen Ones were injured, but alive! I raced into the pyramid; I was not going to miss my chance to see the interior a second time!

Just then, the door slid shut once more! I was trapped!

I examined my surroundings.

“Well… perhaps this isn’t a bad thing. It must be my destiny to protect the treasures of THIS scared place now, instead of Pink Cloud… or else, why would I have been so compelled to follow the Chosen Ones here?”

I wished good tidings to the Chosen Ones, wherever their next adventure took them… and then I began waiting to test the next set of Chosen Ones, how ever many thousands of years it will take for them to arrive.

Earthbound Scrapbook Entry #10: Prince Poo and the Sewers Too (GPP10)

Though I do not know why, I awoke early today, filled with a strange mixture of excitement, anticipation and dread. After slipping on my gi, I surprised the Mu master with a cheerful greeting. He smiled, though I could see the seriousness in his eyes.

"Today you must complete you Mu training, Prince Poo," he said. "You have an important destiny to fulfill, not only as the Prince of our wonderful land of Dalaam, but also to preserve the well-being of our entire planet."

"There is much that rests on my young shoulders, Mu master," I replied. "However, I intend to triumph for our people and the people of the this whole world as well."

"Very good, young prince. Then you must go the the highest point of Dalaam and meditate on the true meaning of Mu. It is up to you to take the correct path when you arrive. Remember your Mu training up to now and concentrate on nature's pure energy."

I bowed to my master and headed from the castle to find my destination. I looked back only once, praying that the positive karma of my ancestors, living and dead, would travel with me this day.

Walking though town, I greeted my subjects with bows and smiles. But like the Mu master this morning, they must has sensed my will to succeed, for none of them asked me to say with them for very long. By the time the village had become a speck on the horizon, I could see my destination atop the highest hill in the land.

I climbed up and began meditating.

I was vaguely aware of someone calling my name, but I knew it was a terrible deception. I concentrated even harder on the truth inherent in Mu.

I sensed him before I saw him, but we were indeed aware of each other's presence. Slowly, the ancient made himself visible to me.

"Prince Poo!" he boomed. "I know who you are and why you are here! I am the spirit of your ancient lineage. To complete your trial, I am going to break your legs. You will lose the use of them."

My heart began beating faster.

"Do you accept this?"

"For the good of my people and all people, I do."

I felt my bones break, but the meditation kept me from feeling any pain. Next, I felt a tug on my arms. The ancient spirit had torn them off and fed them to the crows.

"Ahh, Prince Poo... Without arms and legs you can only lie there. Now I shall make your inventory pathetically small, so you will one day be forced to make a decision between keeping a sweet healing item or throwing it away for something stupid like a machine that produces trout yogurt. Do you accept this?

"I must," I replied, saddened.

"Now Prince Poo, but a single indignity that remains. In the future,  players will care about nothing but guns and graphics. The youth of tomorrow will flock to gritty games, and heartwarming tales like this one will be a thing of the past. Do you accept this?"

Every fiber of my body screamed "Nooo!" But I heard myself say, "Yes, I must!"

There was a flash, like lighting, and I could no longer see my tormentor. However, I knew the ancient spirit was smiling; not because he had broken me, but because I had passed his test.

*   *   *

I had never been more happy to see the familiar arches of the palace entrance. As I walked in, the Mu master was there to greet me.

"You have done well, young prince!" he said.

"Thank you," I replied. "It is your training that aided me the most in my endeavor."

The Mu master grimaced.

"What is wrong, teacher?"

"There is something I have been keeping from you, prince. I shall relay a message to you from Eternity. The evil entity that controls all wickedness, Giygas, is preparing for the greatest struggle of all time. The only ones who can challenge the entity are three boys and one girl. The one named Ness is the leader of the four. One of the boys is you, Prince Poo. Now that you've completed your training, search out Ness at once. For all beings, for the earth Herself. I pray for growth in the might of the four."

I felt a new power surging through me. The legendary teleport magic was now at my command. Was it the Mu training, I wondered, or the prayers of my master that had given me access to this new energy?

Before I could find an answer, I instinctively used the teleport magic to find my way to Ness, my new leader.

*   *   *

"My name is Poo. I am the one who will fight beside you," I said to my new friends. "I am the servant of Ness. I will obey Ness. My life is in your hands."

The one I knew to be Ness conferred with the girl who's name I knew was Paula, by the grace of the ancient ones.

"Is he for real?"

She placed her fingers to her temples and closed her eyes. The others stared at me in wonder and suspicion. Finally, Paula nodded.

"There's no doubt: This boy is the fourth chosen one."

Ness smiled.

"Welcome, Prince Poo," said the second boy. "My name is Jeff. I'm a scientist and a scholar."

"It's wonderful to meet you all," I said.

For the first time, I observed the place in which I had appeared. In some ways, it was not unlike Dalaam. It was very warm and dry. However, there were giant pools of water, big enough for hundreds to bathe in at the same time!

"Hey dude!" said a man who had walk up to us while we were talking. "That's one gnarly outfit!"

A woman who I assume was the man's wife was not too far behind. She held a strange machine to her eye that produced light.

"Whoa! Do you know who this is? It's the Prince of Dalaam! His name is Poo!"

She smiled and light flashed from her eye.

Apparently my reputation precedes me! I said hello to the strange pair and then continued on my way. However, none of this trivial celebrity status matters. What we must do is save Mother Earth.

"What is our first move, master Ness?"

The red-capped one thought for a moment, then: "It looks like we'll find some answers at the Summers Museum."

"Please, lead the way, friends," I said. Paula smiled, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a bizarre looking building.

*   *   *

"I hope that tiny ruby wasn't some kind of priceless Dalaamiese treasure," said Paula.

I shook my head.

"It was merely an attractive pieces of red glass," I said. "I am unsure why that man was so interested in it."

"There's plenty about the world outside of Dalaam you need to be filled in on," said Ness.

Jeff gasped. I was worried he was in pain until he explained what was going on.

"These... these are the ancient hieroglyphics of Scaraba!" he exclaimed.

"Can you read them, Jeff?" asked Paula.

"What kind of scientist do you think I am?" he asked. He leaned in for a closer look. "They... they appear to be instructions."

"What kind of instructions?" I asked.

"Let's just say that they're our ticket into the ancient Scaraban pyramids. Monotoli told us that Giygas was trying to keep us away from the pyramids, so it's in our best interests to go there as soon as possible."

Ness scowled.

"How are we going to do that?"

"I... I'm not sure," said Jeff.

As we walked out of the museum, a strange sound filled the air around us. I readied myself to battle Giygas's forces, but Paula put her arm on my shoulder, calming my thirst for battle.

"It's just the phone," she said. "A communication device."

My muscles relaxed as Ness picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Fork of the Scaraba Cultural Museum?" asked the odd voice on the other end of the line. "I'll quickly tell you my story, 'cause I'm busy, busy, busy! I found something so extraordinary that mere words could not do it justice."

"Wait, who are you again?" Ness asked, confused.

"What do you mean 'Who am I?’ Don't you recognize my voice? It's me, Mr. Spoon from the Fourside Museum of Natural History! Look Mr. Fork, I'm not exaggerating this find! I'm telling you... It's fantastic! See you soon!"

The line went dead. It was silent for a moment.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"I guess... I guess we go to the Fourside Museum of Natural History!" said Ness.

*   *   *

The busy city was almost more than I could handle. There were more people than I had ever seen walking and talking; more than I knew existed in the whole world! My new friends were unfazed, so I tried to act like they did. Paula must have sensed that I was upset, because she grabbed my hand and said, "It's all okay. This is normal. Don't worry, sweet prince."

I was calmed, but I could see that Ness was suddenly upset as well. Maybe the sights and sounds were jarring to him as well.

Soon we had reached our destination. Inside the peculiar building, Ness nodded to us and we snuck past the woman at the counter. Perhaps she was another of Giygas's evil followers?

After walking past the remains of a truly fearsome looking beast, Jeff approached a man in a white coat and began conversing with him.

"Mr. Spoon, I presume?"

*   *   *

"What is a Venus?" I asked, confused.

"Man, they don't have much entertainment in Dalaam, do they?" said Ness. He was walking so fast it was hard to keep up. He said this without looking back at me.

"It's time for you to experience your first concert!" Paula said. She was beaming. "I'm sure you'll love it!"

"What is a concert?" I asked.

The other three pulled me inside another huge building, this time larger than even the museum! I was starting to feel uncomfortable again.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

Ness handed the man at the desk some green papers and he gave my leader something called a ticket. After walking though another set of doors, we were surrounded by thousands of noisy people!

"Just sit back and enjoy yourself," said Jeff. "It's a bit loud, but you'll understand once you see it."

Several minutes later, a beautiful woman stepped out on stage. The masses began cheering. I was afraid she was going to disrobe; I am far too young to see such a thing! But then she began singing the most beautiful melody I have ever heard in my life.



"You say this is normal?" I asked my companions.

"Happens every night!" exclaimed Ness.

I did my best to fit in, but it was not very difficult: Music is a universal language. My head bounced and bobbed, just as everyone else did.

*   *   *

"I can't believe you got Venus's autograph!" yelled Mr. Spoon. "And you say she even gave you a little 'bonus?'"

"Absolutely!" said Ness. "She smacked me right in the face. I still have the red mark to prove it!"

Paula seemed a little upset about Ness's enthusiasm. I am not sure why. Ness handed Mr. Spoon the banana husk Ms. Venus had scribbled on earlier.

"Then... allow me to show you something truly extraordinary."

Mr. Spoon lead us to a room in back of the museum. There was a small, circular entrance leading down into the foul-smelling darkness. It was rather similar to a place my friends had taken me earlier; a place called "Wal-Mart."

Without hesitation, we all traveled into the unknown.

*   *   *

"We're almost at the end; I can see the light from the manhole leading out of this place," said Paula.

Then she tripped over something in the darkness.

"Are you okay?" Ness asked.

"Yeah... what is this?"

"It appears to be some sort of power cord, but it is not plugged into anything," I said.

"Let's follow it to the source," suggested Jeff.

We did not have to travel very far.

"Oh, I see. It's connected to this giant rat butt," Jeff said.

Jeff then did not speak for a moment, but a vein in his forehead began throbbing.

The beast expelled a terrible, guttural screech! I knew that my first real challenge with my new leader, Ness, was upon me!

The beast took a bite with its poisonous fangs! Jeff screamed as it sunk its huge teeth into his body!

Paula chanted a spell and froze the monster, but only for a few seconds. I summoned all of my strength and punched the beast in its face. But nothing I did seemed to damage it!

Without warming, the monster struck again. Paula was knocked into a nearby wall. I doubted she would be able to stand up by herself and the giant blocked her off from us!

"Paula! Can you hear me!?" Ness screamed.

There was no response.

The beast lunged at Jeff, hitting him in the chest. Jeff slumped to the floor. It appeared that we were about to pay the ultimate price in the name of Mother Earth. I was reminded of my Mu training: Whatever happened to me, I could not give up!

Ness was the next to be defeated, yielding to a painful injury inflicted by the monster's massive teeth. I was the only one left.

I took a deep breath and began chanting an ancient lightning spell. I believe the monster knew what I was doing; it took a step back and shivered.

The first blot struck the area next to the beast, but the second wrapped the animal in electricity. With a giant groan, the monster fell on its side. It no longer moved.

One by one, I dragged my unconscious friends up the latter to the outside world.

I felt an immense power flood over me. My friends revived.

Later on, Paula drew a picture of the area:

Victory was ours that day, but it did not come easily. I would need to train harder than I ever had before if I was going to be a help to my new friends.

I don't know what the future brings for us, but I know that I am where I belong. I will follow Ness, Jeff and Paula to the end of the world if it means the people of Dalaam - and all the people of our world - can finally exist in peace.

Giygas, know this: We will defeat you!

Earthbound Scrapbook Entry #9: Summers Vacation (GPP9)

My new friends Ness and Jeff told me that it wasn’t necessary for me to come along with them to the Dusty Dunes Desert to get the trout yogurt machine that their inventor friend sent them, but I know that they were just being modest. I mean, I’m totally helpful and junk! And I need to make sure that Master Pokey gets his favorite yogurt. It’s like my job and stuff, right?

We finally found the yogurt machine in some stinky cave filled with beavers or something about an hour ago, and we started walking back to the city because Ness had spent his bus fare on a Picnic Lunch and a Skip Sandwich to give to those greedy hairballs.

“Hey Jeff!” I yelled, “Is that Paula chick you’re trying to find your girlfriend or something?”

“Uhh, no, Electra. She’s not,” he replied. Jeff nodded his head towards Ness. Ness blushed a bit.

“Hey Jeff! Where did you learn all that science stuff?”

“Well, my father is the famous scientist, Dr. Andonuts. That’s the nature. The nurture comes from –”

“Hey Jeff! Those bottle rockets look dangerous. Are they dangerous?”

“Highly. If one isn’t careful, one could seriously injure oneself or perhaps anybody with a –”

“Hey Jeff! Have you ever killed a man?”

“Yes.”

“Hey Jeff! What’s that big machine doing out here in the desert?”

“They’re still digging?” Ness asked.

“Affirmative,” replied Jeff. “There’s a good chance that there are more diamonds to be had.”

“My ex-boyfriend gave me a diamond ring once, but it turned out to be a twisty tie. I hate twisty ties,” I said. “But I do like bread. Bread is a word my boyfriend used when he meant money, so I guess it’s a little funny when you think about it. Hey Jeff! Are you okay? Your forehead just got all veiny and stuff.”

*   *   *

By the time we made it to Fourside, it was already night. The sky was totally lit up and junk, just like always.

After we got back to Master Pokey’s office building, I invited the boys up to my room to try out the trout yogurt machine and Ness and Jeff stared at the elevator operator’s hips the whole 48 floors up. We had to walk through a few empty offices to get to where I live.

Right when I was about to ask Jeff where he got his sweet glasses, we were totally stopped by a security robot.

“Please say the password in 10, 9, 8…”

“Like, password?” I asked. “No one ever told me a password.”

“I’ve got his one on lockdown,” said Ness. “All you have to do is wait three minutes without saying anything.”

“…2, 1. Terminate intruders.”

“Well THAT didn’t work,” said Ness. He quickly swung his baseball bat at the robot and smashed it to pieces.

“Ohh, so that’s why I wasn’t able to tell him the password,” I said.

“What do you mean?” asked Jeff.

“Well, I don’t have a baseball bat,” I said. Then Jeff’s forehead got all veiny again and I ate the candy bar I found in my apron.

* * *

“It’s another one of those security robots,” said Jeff. “But this one seems… different.”

“It’s because he’s eating a bologna sandwich,” I said.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she’s right,” Jeff said.

The bologna bot came out swinging; it totally didn’t even ask us for a password! Ness and Jeff whacked it as hard as they could, but they weren’t gaining any ground from what I could see. The robot just kept eating those sandwiches.

All of a sudden, some guys rushed into the room! It was the Runaway Five! Lucky quickly ducked behind the robot.

“I flipped the switch and it stopped. Ha ha ha hah… Geez, what a loser robot. It was so easy to stop!”

“Oh, thank God!” I yelled. “One time I had a robot vacuum and it kept cleaning after it should have stopped. It was a lot like this!”

“Where’s Paula!?” Ness  yelled. He burst though Mr. Monotoli’s door. I was going to follow him, but one of the Runaway Five was gooving on me, so I let Ness and Jeff take care of it.

* * *

I guess Pokey took off and Mr. Monotoli was totally mellow, because the next thing I knew, we were on our way to a place called Threed. I heard about Threed on the news and junk; it was overrun by zombies or whatever. But not anymore; Ness and his friends fixed it. We also found Paula and I guess she’s pretty, so that’s cool for Ness.

Fourside looks pretty cool at night in a bus.

When we pulled up to Threed, Ness and Jeff and Paula got out and I came with them because, like, where else would I go? Lucky told us that we were always welcome as guests of the Runaway Five, and then I asked about the sixth member of the band. Everyone got quiet and left after that.

Threed is pretty beautiful, except for some parts. We had to walk through the graveyard to get to Jeff’s flying machine thing. It was all creepy and stuff but Ness said that it was even worse a few days ago. I don’t know how it could have been worse but whatever; I guess I believed him.

By the time we found Jeff’s spaceship or whatever it was, some dudes from Threed had totally remixed that stuff, so it was almost ready to rock n’ roll. All Jeff had to do was play with some wires or whatever and then let ‘er rip. All I gotta say is, wow! If you believed in aliens before this Sky Runner thing, maybe you’d rethink all that stuff after taking a ride in it! It’s amazing!

After an hour or two, we landed in some old man’s lab. He was totally hanging out with some freak in a loincloth, so I’m not too keen on this dude’s sanity. But he was able to fix the Sky Runner, no problem. All we need to do was kill a few hours. I guess this Paula chick is into darkness because she suggested we go hang out in the cave across the way.

I was not into that at all, so I hung out outside the entrance.

It wasn’t long before Ness and Paula and Jeff came out of the cave and they were all happy and whatever. Paula was telling me about some kind of giant mushroom man they fought, but I wasn’t too keen on believing that.

She did draw this awesome picture of him, though, and she was all about the “rainy circle” she said they found afterwards. Maybe… maybe these kids are stronger than I think.

Okay, so the old man fixed the UFO better than Jeff could and I guess we have to go to Summers now. Without Master Pokey to give me work, I’m free as a bird anyway. They told me I gotta pay off these college loans even if I didn’t actually get a degree, so it looks like I’m in the market for a new job.

Off we go!

*   *   *

That’s totally the last time I let Jeff drive! But at least we’re in Summers. It's beautiful! And there are plenty of shirtless dudes to make me hot under the apron.

But when I was talking to Paula about it, she was kinda steamed because Ness was talking to some other chick who was about four years older than him! Total burn, dude! I hope Ness realizes what he’s doing to poor Paula!

* * *

The hotels here are totally high class in a different way than Master Pokey’s office, that’s for sure! I can almost feel the tips pouring from the fingers of the hotel guests. I mean, look at this stuff! It’s totally high class. A girl could make a sweet living here in paradise…

All of this awesome stuff and Ness and Paula and Jeff wanna spend their time hanging out at this nowheresville Stoic Club place. They told me it has to do with some kind of “magic cake” but that stuff sounds sketchy to me. I guess I made up my mind anyway – I’m gonna grab a job at the Summer’s hotel serving guests trout yogurt from the machine these little guys gave me. In the mean time, I’m gonna stare at this rock like everybody else and hope no one notices that I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about!

* * *

I said goodbye to Ness and Paula and Jeff this morning. They were cool about it; Jeff’s vainy forehead even went away for a minute when I told him; I guess he was worried about me. When they left, I watched them hang out with some chick from the Stoic Club for a few minutes until they ate some cake or something; but it must have been some pretty crazy pastry because they all seemed to black out for about an hour and a half after eating it.

Hmm… I guess that magic cake stuff was as sketchy as I thought!

Nintendo Life, Vol. 3: Now with More NES Advantage

At the suggestion of Wade from Video Games or Bust:

Earthbound Scrapbook Entry #8: I've Seen the Lights Go Out in Fourside (GPP8)

I watched the pathetic human children enter the department store from my perch in the (former) manager's office. They looked so content. Tearing them apart was going to be such an enjoyable experience.

I'm not sure why Master Giygas fears these insignificant whelps as much as he does, but that is not my concern. My job is to stop their progress... any way I want. Gwaagh!

First they went to the ATM, presumably obtaining the cash they need for food and new weapons. I allowed them to buy their pitiful new popguns and "armored" bracelets; it would be all the more entertaining to destroy them easily when they're at their strongest! They would die knowing nothing could have saved them! Gwagh!

"Go ahead, Ness," I said, licking my lips. "Chew some sugary bubble gum... BEFORE I CHEW YOUR SOUL!" Gwagh! Gwagh!

As they purchased equipment from my soulless human wageslaves, one of the children brushed up against the door to my office. I put my tentacles against it and breathed deeply. Gwagh! I could smell the fresh blood pulsing through her young veins. She and her friends were going to make a wonderful snack.

When they were finished feeding their addiction to material goods, they rode the escalator to the ground floor and headed towards the exit. Seeing them smile and laugh, seeing them feed french fries to that disgusting rat Ness keeps as a pet under his cap, seeing Ness wanting to hold Paula's hand... Gwaaaagh!! My body ached to be clad in quivering childflesh! (And possibly to hollow out their skulls and use them as festive pencil holders. Gwagh.)

I wrapped my tentacles around the power switch and forced it down. The lights flickered out and a chorus of confusion befell the useless humans inside. I rushed down to the first floor.

Paula clung to Ness as the idiot scientist boy tried to cobble together a flashlight from used chewing gum, two quarters and a pair of dirty socks. I grabbed Paula from behind, silencing her with my secret alien technology known as "chloroform." I slipped out the back exit and disposed of her lifeless body in the alley behind the department store, right where Master Giygas told me to leave her. Then I scaled the wall and leaped through the window and back into my office.

Jeff's makeshift flashlight switched on just as I returned to the security cameras. He swung it around wildly looking for his missing comrade.

"Paula!" he exclaimed. "Where are you?"

"Gwa, gwa, gwa! Gwaaaaagh!" I laughed. "Suffer the little children!"

I grabbed the intercom and bellowed, "Ness, customer Ness, please hurry to Paula... Gwaaaaaaagh!"

Watching to two teens get punished by Master Giygas's lesser followers on their way up to my office filled me with pleasure. Shocked, scalded and trampled, I was beginning to think there'd be nothing left for me to play with when the time came. They needed a little encouragement.

"Ness, customer Ness... Gwagh! Gwagh!"

Finally, the door swung open and Ness stood before me, beaten and bruised.

"Where's Paula?!" he demanded.

"Gwaaagh, Gwarrrgh! You finally made it. This department store is gonna be your grave! Gwaaagh. You will be gone, and you'll be burning in... Well, you'll go to heaven!"

"You won't," said a voice from behind me. I heard a loud explosion and felt pain down my back. Ness jumped forward and delivered a devastating blow to my head.

Jeff stepped out in front of me and pointed his weapon toward my chest. He did not have to fire.

I leaned on the office wall and began to lose consciousness. I slid down to the floor, somehow triggering the emergency power switch. The department store lights flashed back on.

The last thing I heard was Ness: "Jeff! We've got to go find Paula. I bet Monotoli might..."

"Gwaaaa..."

I slipped away.

*   *   *

I had a vision of Master Giygas. His evil swirled through my consciousness. He told me death should not stop me. He said that I should continue to attack Ness and his friends.

The next thing I knew, I was standing next to my adversary on the streets of Fourside. He and Jeff were speaking to a simpleton who was apparently napping in the street. I lunged forth!

"Gwaagh!"

My tentacles sailed straight through my victim. He didn't react at all. I tried to see what went wrong, but my body was not visible. Gwagh, I knew what I had become. Rage burned inside me and I swore to destroy Ness and his friend no matter what the cost.

The simpleton got up and walked away, shoving past a group of spectators. Then the boys headed into the adjacent bar cafe.

"According to Everdred, we've got to check out the area behind the bartender - I mean, behind the server," said Jeff.

"How can we do that?" asked Ness.

"I'm not sure."

A wretched barfly stared intently in my direction. Could she see me?

"Gwaagh!" I yelled.

She smiled ever so slightly.

"I think I've found something!" said Jeff. I could sense a glorious evil just beyond reach.

"Master Giygas!? Are you here?"

"What's going on?!" exclaimed Ness.

The room was enveloped in a bizarre light.

???

*   *   *

The cafe was pitch back, save for a few dim, red lights. The music from the jukebox skipped and scratched, and came out an octave below what it should have been. Ahh, we were in Giygas's hands now. Gwagh!

"Where the heck are we?" asked Ness. He readied his bat, not knowing what else to do. Simple boy; always resorting to violence.

The barfly climbed upon the her table and a crowd gathered around her. They wiggled and slithered and screeched with glee.

"Do you know who's bones will be on display here?" she asked, staring into Ness's eyes. "The answer is... your bones. My bones. Bone's bones! Bone bone bone!"

The other patrons danced in ecstasy around her, chanting, "Bone bone bone."

Gwagh! The foolish childrens' pea brains couldn't fathom what was going on. Master Giygas's evil is so deliciously overwhelming.

Ness bolted for the door and Jeff, not wanting to be left alone in this place, followed.

The barfly screamed before they could get out the door: "Welcome to Moonside!"

Moonside's moon shone brightly outside, but blackness seemed to seep from everything around us.

"This is highly illogical," Jeff said.

"I've felt something like this before," said Ness. "This is what it felt like in Carpainter's shack back in Happy Happy Village. That crazy statue is causing this and my neighbor Pokey's boss is somehow involved. I know it. Follow me."

The pair started off down the dark streets. I again tried to attack them, but to no avail.

"Gwagh! Gwagh!! Master Giygas! How can I carry out your will if I can't affect the world around me?!"

As I raised my tentacles in frustration, fire shot up next to me. From the flames came a living hydrant. Another gesture brought a distorted clock that wailed for blood. Gwagh!

"Thank you Master Giygas! Thank you!"

I sent wave after wave of enemies shrieking after the pinhead children. They had no idea what was going on until Jeff was hit from behind by a crazed gas pump.

"Justice is served! Gwa gwa gwa! Gwaaaargh!"

*   *   *

I watched Ness dragging his friend's nearly dead body though the neon streets. I allowed him a small respite, just to see what his tiny brain would tell him to do next.

He tried to get the attention of a Moonside native.

"Excuse me sir, my friend and I are hurt! Is there somewhere to rest around here?"

"Hey! Parking meters! And you're walking around!" he replied.

"Please! I need help!"

"Welcome to Moonside," he replied. "Moon moon moon. Si si si oon oon de."

A man apparently dressed for the beach stared at the teens.

"Hello..." he said.

"Can you help us?" Ness asked desperately. "I think my friend is dying! He needs - "

"And, goodbye!"

Ness and Jeff vanished. I should have destroyed them when I had the chance!

"No! Gwagh! GWAAAAGH!"

*   *   *

I searched for those pathetic children for several hours, but I couldn't find any trace of them. Had they escaped somehow? I entered the Moonside Hotel one last time.

They had to be here.

A Moonsidian lounged on a nearby chair, her mouth twisted into a strange grin. Soon, Ness and Jeff emerged from one of the rooms across the hallway.

"Gwagh! Excellent" I said. They appeared to be somewhat healed of the injuries my minions inflicted upon them, but I was going to see to it that this condition did not last for long. We again stepped out into the Moonside nightscape.

Instead of roaming about, this time it appeared the duo knew where they were going.

"How amusing. Gwagh! The children have a plan."

As they darted off, they ran past a small puppy in a party hat.

"Yes, that's wrong. It's my birthday," he said. The rat Ness keeps under his baseball cap took one look at the beast and hid away again.

I sent another group of monsters to wear them down, but this time, instead of fighting as hard as they could, Ness and Jeff did their best to avoid battle.

"Gwagh! Where are they going!?"

Suddenly, I knew where they were headed.

"Master Monotoli and the statue! Minions, kill them on sight! Kill them NOW!"

*   *   *

They had followed the lightning to Monotoli's Moonside dwelling. I tried to stop them with my monsters, but the power of this place prevented them from getting too close to Master Monotoli and the Mani Mani statue.

Gwagh! All I could do was watch!

Ness's bat shattered a window less than six inches from Master Monotoli's head.

"Where's Paula!?" Ness demanded. He wound up for another swing.

"Don't do anything to me!" yelled the old man. "I am... I am not Monotoli!" He faded into the night, leaving  the Mani Mani statue to face Ness alone.

"Hello, boy..." it hissed.

*   *   *

With a final mighty blow, Ness shattered the nightmare statue.

"Gwagh!" I gwaghed.

For a moment nothing happened. I wondered if perhaps I had gotten the last laugh after all.

Without warning, the entirety of Moonside rumbled. My minions evaporated before me. Gwagh! Everything started fading away!

Ness and Jeff disappeared. I desperately tried to get at them, but I couldn't get any closer. Gwaaaaagh! No!

I could hear Master Giygas speaking to my mind. He told me I had failed. And failure would not be tolerated.

I felt my consciousness slipping away once more.

"No! Give me another chance! Master Giygas! No! Gwagh! GWAAAAAGH!!!"

My last thought was that even though he had defeated me, Ness would never see his beloved Paula ever again. Gwagh! GWAAAaaa....