Wordsmith VG 200: But the Manual Didn't Say Anything About Vodka

To celebrate this, the 200th article here on Wordsmith VG, I figured I would present something I started working on a few years ago but could never find the time to finish. It's nothing life-changing, but it's representative of both the early days of this blog and what it has evolved into over these past five or so years. Hope you enjoy.


In every 8-bit Nintendo (NES) game manual, there's a warning I always found a bit curious: "Do not clean with benzene, paint thinner, alcohol or other such solvents." As someone who had been reading for only a few in months at that point, I didn't even know what half that stuff was.

I wondered if there had been a bunch of drunks sloshing whiskey into their NES games, getting the Gombas and the turtles hammered, and Nintendo had had just about enough. Turns out I wasn't too far off.

About four years ago, I got a text from my friend Jess.

"I'm drunkenly playing Whomp 'em [on NES] with Nick; this game sucks."

Then, a minute or two later: "Will vodka clean an NES cart? This is a serious question. It is 100 proof."

I figured it should work, and indeed, it did. Does that mean those old warnings are poppycock invented by the Big N to get us to buy their cleaning kits?

Q-Tips in hand, I grabbed an armful of NES games decided to test things out for myself.

Don Julio Tequila

Despite an initial failure, on my second attempt, DuckTales booted right up. I think I should have cleaned the console itself before trying this. Oh well, live and learn.

As for the tequila itself, I like it. It's no José Cuervo, but it's good.

Sobieski Vodka

You know what? Eartbhound is awesome. It makes me sad it wasn't released in North America. I makes me feel really happy though wehn I'm playing, so I got this reproducxition cart from some dude in Canada. Yeah, i know a guy.

Anyway, Sobieski wodka reproduced Jess's results, Ony one cleaning, and Earthbound was ready to go! I'm begining to think that Nintendo was full of crap with it's alcohol warning. Yeah, you heard me. yuo're a Damn liar, Mario.

And you know what? Sobieski brand vodka ain't half bad! it's really tastey with coke or diet coke or coke. Or Don Juilo tequila.

Jack Daniel's Whiskey

Good ol' no, 7 tennessie whiskyt. I don't know who Jake Daniells even is but I  god bles s himQ! Damn i'm love Wiskey.

W-H-I-S

"See you real soon!'

K-E-Y

"WHy? Because we llike you!"

M-O-U-S-E

Whiskey mouse! (Donald Duck!) Whiskey Mous! Forever let us hold our banner high! High! high! hgih!

Anywhayts, Cheetah Men 2 never really worked that well anway if you catch my drift, byut after cleaning it out with some Kave Daniel's' that sucker worked just as well as something made in someone's basement on their lunch break ever cuold.

Also i love jcak danliels.

Woo! Jack daniels, bottled at the distillery it says./ Really? I tought it was bottled at the nursing home! Ha! I am a comedic genius and noeone appreciates it.

Bath tubw gin

WHY DOESN"T DADDY LOVE ME ANYMORE?!

Shaq-fu ssuks

goood night