A Tribute to Hugo, World's Greatest Street Fighter

In case you were wondering, Hugo is the best character in the newly released Ultra Street Fighter IV. In fact, he is the strongest character in every one-on-one fighting game he's ever blessed with his massive frame and wild, potentially delicious hair. (He's also quite the ladies man, as detailed in his heartwarming, face-smashing bio, "Hammer Mountain" by author I.M. Nembre-Juan.)

Hugo grinds his foe's bones into shoto Jell-o not because of his inhuman size or his sweet pink leotard, though these are obviously boons to his cause. No, he's the winningest due to three DEADLY moves:

HEAD STAB!

ASS STAB!

BALLS HOLD!

It's as easy as eins zwei drei.

He is also really, REALLY into potatoes, a fact that has taken nearly 20 years to unearth, and will take nearly as long to try to forget.

With the three DEADLY moves and potatoes, I predict a Hugo sweep the upcoming EVO tournament, culminating in Daigo vs. PR Balrog. They'll both be using Hugo and neither will be able to win, resulting in the first-ever EVO tie. EVO Moment 9001 will just be eight hours of draw games, with both competitors becoming increasingly distraught, until they both fall asleep simultaneously. 

Congratulations, Hugo. I knew you were the big potato all along.