Forever Begins Today

The man.

It once looked as if Duke Nukem Forever, the ever-vaporware sequel to the 1996 blockbuster PC game Duke Nukem 3D, would live up to its name by keeping gamers waiting endlessly: By the time a full decade had passed and the game was still in development, DNF had become the gaming industry’s biggest running joke of all time. But in May of 2009, right when the blonde bomber was poised to finally pound the plutonium pavement once more, the Duke of Nukem was blasted to an early grave when his parent company, 3D Realms, had a nuclear meltdown.

For months afterward, a toxic cloud hung over the heads of the Duke faithful, but as wise man once said, “Always bet on Duke.”

That man is an asshole; I lost thousands at the roulette table when I told them to “put it all on Duke” and the little ball instead landed on red 36. Yet it’s all worth it, because Duke Nukem Forever has finally been unleashed upon rabid fans and curious newcomers today, a mere 14 years after it was first announced.

And as you can see, I’ve got Balls of Steel.

I know I’ve been critical of shooters in the past, but Duke Nukem has become a radioactive ray of light in a world gone mad with realism. Hangin’ with the Dukester has always been about hittin’ on hot chicks, blowin’ stuff up, and layin’ the smackdown on a bunch of evil ETs straight from the pages of some sleazy comic book, not this super serious Tom Clancy dreck that the current crop of 14-year-old Xbox fanboys soils themselves over.

Thankfully, DNF holds true to the old run ‘n’ gun formula – for the most part. Forever’s got significant problems and doesn’t have the juice to surpass the legendary DN3D, but unless you’ve got lead shielding your heart, this Duke is gonna nuke his way right into your good gaming graces with a smile on his lips and a shotgun in his hands. The king is officially back, baby!

Relive the final battle of Duke 3D in Forever.

Damn, Duke is looking good in Forever with sweet textures and all the devious details you’ve come to expect from the franchise. The fang-toothed, snarling invaders from space are back too and looking as bloodthirsty as ever, but in all honesty, these graphics aren’t breaking much new ground. Also, besides Duke himself, the other human characters look a little uninspired; I guess one of Mr. Nukem’s stipulations for finally appearing was that no one could look better than him.

Speaking of self-indulgence: The classic numerical representation of Duke’s health is a thing of the past, replaced with an “ego bar” that rises whenever Duke does something manly, such as beating the heck out of an enemy with his bare hands or downing a cold brewskie. If the player hangs out awhile after being shot at or blown up, the Ego bar refills and Mr. Nukem has another chance to take out those slimy alien dirtbags. Regenerating health might make Duke’s latest adventure a little too easy for some, but it’s not all that different from the endless supply of health players can tap into by abusing water fountains in the original Duke 3D.

"He's really, really all out of gum."

You’re going to need all the ego boosts you can find if you plan on swapping lead with the alien menace besieging our planet and stealing our chicks, but Duke’s hardly the walking arsenal he was in previous titles. There’s a great variety of weaponry, ranging from handguns and shotguns to explosives and futuristic gadgets galore, but annoyingly, Duke can only hold two weapons at a time. To balance this out, there are plenty of guns hanging around in Duke’s domain, so switching weapons on the fly is easy. I suppose this mechanic adds a bit of strategy to the mix, but I much prefer toting around my own armory like in the first person shooters of old.

Sorry for the quality; I was using a TV and a crappy camera. But... PIG COP!

There’s a lot of interactivity with the manmade environments, from picking up and drawing with markers to using showers and toilets, but much of that interactivity disappears in more open levels like the desert, making them pretty stale in comparison. Furthermore, horrendous load times whenever the player starts or restarts a level are a real drag and the rude jokes Duke is known for sometimes cross the line from clever to just crass.

Duke's new pad, and his new women, the Holsom twins.

Occasionally Forever goes beyond self-awareness and reaches the point of unintentional self-parody, but I’m pleased to report that much of that old Duke magic has managed to survive three engine changes, 14 years and the efforts of countless programmers and artists. Even though it took forever, everybody’s favorite foulmouthed alien asskicker has once again delivered a dandy dose of old school, irreverent entertainment.

What are you waiting for, Christmas? Come get some!

It's good!

"Dear Sony, You got hacked YET AGAIN; I'm leaving you."

UPDATE: Sony claims that despite reports, there's been some confusion as to the scale and scope of the hack. So according to them, no real attack has taken place. Check out this website for more information.

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It's not me Sony, it's you.

According to a report by the International Business Times, Sony's extensive new PlayStation Network security features, implemented only days ago, have been turned against them: The ailing company has been hacked yet again.

ARRRRGH!

Reportedly, the same group of hackers responsible for the original security breach that copped the personal information and possibly credit card numbers of more than 100 million user profiles is at it again, this time taking control of PSN accounts linked to users who have yet to reset their passwords.

PSN: Please Sony, NO!

"The hackers reportedly infiltrated the new mandatory PSN password reset system, manipulating the confirmation link sent to individuals trying to change their PSN password, modifying it into [a] tool that has allowed them to once again take control of many users accounts," said Alastair Stevenson, reporter for the International Business Times.

Sony says that users who changed their passwords already will not be affected by the latest attack on the company. However, users who have not yet signed back into PSN after its nearly month-long downtime will be unable to access the PlayStation 3's online features until Sony sorts out their newest woes.

PlayStation Network remains online for the time being.

Yesterday, tech guru and Best Buy Geek Squad agent Mike Quinn described Sony's pre-hack security to me as the equivalent of leaving one's car doors open, with the car running and the sunroof down. It seems that Sony's post-hack situation isn't much different.

This latest debacle just might be the last straw for me and Sony's big Blu box. As much as I despise the controller, I might just have to make Xbox 360 my system of choice for a while. Or better yet, I could just play through SNES Earthbound again while this whole thing blows over.

You can keep the car, house and the kids Sony. But I'm taking the Nintendo and you can't stop me.

And Silent Hill; I'm gonna take that too.

Sony Hacked Yet Again; Here's a Cool Wesite to Make Up For It

Last Saturday, May 7th, marked the third hack attack on Sony when cyber terrorists stole the names and partial addresses of approximately 2500 Sony customers and placed the information online for all to see - and steal.

The good news is that the hackers stuck a website Sony had used for a contest in 2001; therefore, aside from much of the data being outdated, no credit card information was revealed. Also, Sony detected the breach and had the information removed within a matter of hours after it was posted.

Compared to scope of the previous attacks on Sony - wherein information from more than 100 million gamer profiles was stolen - this latest caper seems rather uninspired. According to reports from CNET, the hackers responsible for the latest attack are upset with the way Sony dealt with previous attacks, so they targeted the company again. The hacker's logic is impeccable: Obviously the best way to advocate for customers is to F*CK THEM OVER AGAIN.

Sony's PlayStation Network is still offline as of May 9, 2011, leaving thousands of cool people without access to the online features of Super Street Fighter IV and Mortal Kombat and millions of other annoying eighth graders without access to a bunch of crappy first person shooters.

I think I'd be really upset if it weren't for the fact that a.) I cancelled my PSN-linked credit card in response to the attacks and b.) I prefer and continue to own/play old-ass games. No PSN? That's cool; I'm playing Final Fantasy II.

...No, not the one with Cecil, the crappy one with Firion(iel).

Seriously, I'm sick of this. (The attacks I mean; not FFII, though it's starting to wear thin my fourth time through.) Though I tend to lean towards Sony products for my current generation gaming needs, I own all three of today's big consoles and I like to think of myself is rather impartial. That being said, it seems to me that someone is targeting the ailing company for reasons unknown; perhaps personal vendettas or even inter-company sabotage, but most likely just for their own profit. Whatever it is, I wish they'd stop. I've written this open letter to the hackers to hopefully make the understand my point of view.

Dear Hackers,

Look, a lot of people need a way to relieve the stress of working all day and they do that with video games. Please stop hacking Sony. I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Matt

Anyway, I'd like to leave you, my loyal reader(s) with something positive. I found this website, called The Cutting Room Floor, detailing things left out of the video games you love and cherish. It's a wonderfully interesting read and highly recommended, especially for fans of old, sprite-based games.

Hopefully this can keep me from lamenting over Sony and its poorly handled woes.

Playstation Network compromised by Hackers

There's no joke here, loyal reader(s): If you own a PlayStation 3, there a good chance that your personal information - including your name, address, birth date and possibly credit card numbers - could have been compromised by hackers more than a week ago.

If you haven't had your head stuck up your arsenal of old school RPGs for the last month like some people, you probably noticed that PSN has been down since Wednesday, April 20, 2011 - just one day after the release of the next-gen Mortal Kombat reboot. At first it was just an inconvenience; after all, pounding some dude online with Johnny Cage and then laughing at their ineptitude is great fun, but it's not required to play Mortal Kombat or the plethora of online PS3 available to consumers since launch. But last night, Sony admitted that the downtime hasn't been due to normal technical difficulties or updates to the system.

The following statement was issued on Tuesday, April 26, 2011 on the Official PlayStation Blog:


Valued PlayStation Network/Qriocity Customer:

We have discovered that between April 17 and April 19, 2011, certain PlayStation Network and Qriocity service user account information was compromised in connection with an illegal and unauthorized intrusion into our network. In response to this intrusion, we have:

1.Temporarily turned off PlayStation Network and Qriocity services;

2.Engaged an outside, recognized security firm to conduct a full and complete investigation into what happened; and

3.Quickly taken steps to enhance security and strengthen our network infrastructure by re-building our system to provide you with greater protection of your personal information.

We greatly appreciate your patience, understanding and goodwill as we do whatever it takes to resolve these issues as quickly and efficiently as practicable.

Although we are still investigating the details of this incident, we believe that an unauthorized person has obtained the following information that you provided: name, address (city, state, zip), country, email address, birthdate, PlayStation Network/Qriocity password and login, and handle/PSN online ID. It is also possible that your profile data, including purchase history and billing address (city, state, zip), and your PlayStation Network/Qriocity password security answers may have been obtained. If you have authorized a sub-account for your dependent, the same data with respect to your dependent may have been obtained. While there is no evidence at this time that credit card data was taken, we cannot rule out the possibility. If you have provided your credit card data through PlayStation Network or Qriocity, out of an abundance of caution we are advising you that your credit card number (excluding security code) and expiration date may have been obtained.

For your security, we encourage you to be especially aware of email, telephone, and postal mail scams that ask for personal or sensitive information. Sony will not contact you in any way, including by email, asking for your credit card number, social security number or other personally identifiable information. If you are asked for this information, you can be confident Sony is not the entity asking. When the PlayStation Network and Qriocity services are fully restored, we strongly recommend that you log on and change your password. Additionally, if you use your PlayStation Network or Qriocity user name or password for other unrelated services or accounts, we strongly recommend that you change them, as well.

To protect against possible identity theft or other financial loss, we encourage you to remain vigilant, to review your account statements and to monitor your credit reports. We are providing the following information for those who wish to consider it:

U.S. residents are entitled under U.S. law to one free credit report annually from each of the three major credit bureaus. To order your free credit report, visit www.annualcreditreport.com or call toll-free (877) 322-8228.

We have also provided names and contact information for the three major U.S. credit bureaus below. At no charge, U.S. residents can have these credit bureaus place a “fraud alert” on your file that alerts creditors to take additional steps to verify your identity prior to granting credit in your name. This service can make it more difficult for someone to get credit in your name. Note, however, that because it tells creditors to follow certain procedures to protect you, it also may delay your ability to obtain credit while the agency verifies your identity. As soon as one credit bureau confirms your fraud alert, the others are notified to place fraud alerts on your file. Should you wish to place a fraud alert, or should you have any questions regarding your credit report, please contact any one of the agencies listed below.

Experian: 888-397-3742; www.experian.com; P.O. Box 9532, Allen, TX 75013

Equifax: 800-525-6285; www.equifax.com; P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374-0241

TransUnion: 800-680-7289; www.transunion.com; Fraud Victim Assistance Division, P.O. Box 6790, Fullerton, CA 92834-6790

You may wish to visit the web site of the U.S. Federal Trade Commission at www.consumer.gov/idtheft or reach the FTC at 1-877-382-4357 or 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20580 for further information about how to protect yourself from identity theft. Your state Attorney General may also have advice on preventing identity theft, and you should report instances of known or suspected identity theft to law enforcement, your State Attorney General, and the FTC. For North Carolina residents, the Attorney General can be contacted at 9001 Mail Service Center, Raleigh, NC 27699-9001; telephone (877) 566-7226; or www.ncdoj.gov. For Maryland residents, the Attorney General can be contacted at 200 St. Paul Place, 16th Floor, Baltimore, MD 21202; telephone: (888) 743-0023; or www.oag.state.md.us.

We thank you for your patience as we complete our investigation of this incident, and we regret any inconvenience. Our teams are working around the clock on this, and services will be restored as soon as possible. Sony takes information protection very seriously and will continue to work to ensure that additional measures are taken to protect personally identifiable information. Providing quality and secure entertainment services to our customers is our utmost priority. Please contact us at 1-800-345-7669 should you have any additional questions.

Sincerely,
Sony Computer Entertainment and Sony Network Entertainment


It's highly recommended that you monitor your bank statements very closely for the next few months.

- Dispute bogus charges with your bank.
- If you ever receive a credit card you have not applied for, bring it up with the sender.
- If you suddenly stop receiving mail, it might be because a criminal has stolen your identity and changed your address to cover his nefarious tracks.

Use your common sense and you should be safe.

On a personal note, stuff like this makes me sick. We're just trying to play games here, people. We're just trying to blow off a little steam, and then this has to happen. There's a special place in hell for people who steal other people's livelihoods.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to Reboot Series with Star Fleet Captain and Man Who Hides in Boxes

When I woke up this morning (okay, afternoon), the first thing I thought was that the next Castlevania game would be awesome if it starred Professor Xavier from the X-Men movies and Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. That’s why I was so happy to see that Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, due out Oct. 5 for the PS3 and the Xbox 360, will feature the voice talent of everyone’s favorite Shakespearean actor turned nerd magnet, Patrick Stewart! It’s not quite as awesome as Xavier fighting alongside Picard, but it’s exciting nonetheless.

Apparently, Lords of Shadow is being worked on in some capacity by Hideo Kojima of Metal Gear Solid fame. That means the cut scenes will probably be excessively long and confusing, and since this game is supposed to reboot the series, the main character will likely be called Solid Belmont and hide in a lot of crates during gameplay.

Speaking of reboots, the only reason to do away with all the Castlevania lore of the past 24 years is that sadsack Wii game, Castlevania Judgement. But even that headache wasn’t awful enough to erase great characters like Simon, Trevor and Richter Belmont, Alucard, Eric Lecarde and Soma Cruz. After Lords of Shadow, I’m afraid the coming years will bring us sissy reimaginings of all those legendary Castlevania protagonists – well, except for Soma Cruz; he already looks like a wienie.

I’ll give this game the chance it deserves, but I can’t shake the nagging feeling that after a few games in the Lords of Shadow timeline, Konami will suddenly start back up with the old one. In the mean time, go watch the E3 ’09 trailer for the 19th time.

Watch E3 '09 Lords of Shadow Trailer at YouTube