What’s Blood Got to Do with It?

A lot of video games, particularly RPGs of the SNES and PlayStation 1 era, request a hodgepodge of information at the beginning of the mission. Asking for the player’s name makes sense; after all, you’ve got to call the main character something other than “generic spunky teen,” “guy who never talks but always leads the party” or “idiot amnesiac with outlandish hair.” Even when Earthbound for the Super Nintendo asked me what my “favorite thing” is, it eventually became important to the storyline.

But sometimes the questions get a little bit creepy. Take Dragon Warrior III for the Gameboy Color, which asks of new heroes, “Do you find life boring?” and “Is the sun the king of nature?” Apparently these bizarre, probing inquiries into my hilarious but ultimately trivial psyche somehow determine how hard the hero can swing a sword and how many magic points he or she gets at the start of the quest.

One of the seemingly least important questions a video game has asked before it would let me adventure boldly to my early grave is, “What’s your blood type?” Found in games like the original SaGa Frontier for the PSX, the age-old blood type query is apparently just as pointless as “Is adventuring a hardship?,” another (potentially self defeating) gem from Dragon Warrior III. HOWEVER! According to Japanese culture, one’s blood type determines plenty of aspects of his or her personality, from their temperament to who would make the best lover. I guess it’s a little bit like astrology and horoscopes, but I’m guessing that this stuff doesn’t appear next to Japanese Garfield strips.

To those wondering, here’s a nifty chart explaining the whole convoluted mythology (click here for a larger graphic):

Source: http://www.phlebotomist.net/

Of course, credit where credit is due: This graphic was designed by Lorena O'Neal; you can check out more of her work here.

So the next time a game asks for your blood type, take the question seriously – it just might pay off in the end. Or it’ll be another dumb question you had to answer before the killing can begin, but hey, sometimes that’s just the way things are.

Halloween Games Round-Up; Also a Fake Curse

Ahh! ...those teeth are HORRIBLE.

It's almost Halloween again, Charlie Brown!

Instead of dressing up like Gandhi and egging your neighbor’s tool shed or getting intoxicated at some lame party this All Hallow's Eve, why not do something worthwhile and lock yourself in your room with the following Halloweenful video games. Each is guaranteed to chill you to your very soul! Bwa, ha, ha! Or at least they'll be about vampires or something, which is more than I can say about most local bars.

Also, the picture above, known as "smile.jpg" or "smile.dog," carries a horrible curse that's suspiciously like the plot of The Ring, only much scarier because it doesn't involve some ugly little girl who hangs out in wells/TV sets and really needs to brush her teeth. Supposedly, anyone who sees Smile.dog goes CA-RAZY AND DIES or something! I'm already crazy, and thus, am immune. Enjoy your insanity; it'll enhance your gaming experience.

Anyway, let the games begin!

Halloween (Atari 2600): I know what you’re thinking, but despite the title, this game is NOT about Easter. No, it’s about maniac killing machine Michael Myers. For some reason, Michael is very angry at the local teen baby sitter population, and he proceeds to off them one by one in creative, frightening ways. This Atari 2600 classic has the player - Laurie Strode, the main character from the film - hiding children in various spots and trying to outwit her crazed brother. It never ends well for the player, and for an Atari title, Halloween can be pretty intense.

If you can't tell what's going on here, maybe you shouldn't bother with the game.

Silent Hill (PlayStation 1 and PS3): The original Silent Hill is the most genuinely frightening media experience of my life. The Exorcist hangs its head in shame compared to the first Silent Hill. Silent Hill 2 isn’t as scary, but the story line is so deep and creepy, you’ll find yourself lying awake in bed trying to analyzing it. See also - Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and a good therapist after playing.

That there was a dog; this one ain't smiling.

Resident Evil Remake (GameCube): The original version of this game came out for PS1, Saturn, PC, Nintendo DS, cell phones, toasters, etc. With upgraded graphics, new locations and crazy sprinting “crimson head” zombies, the REmake is hands down the best RE title to use the old survival horror controls and conventions. Other good ones to play are Resident Evil 2 for PS1, Dreamcast, etc. and Resident Evil: Code Veronica for Dreamcast and PS2. Fleeing in terror from swarms of slow-moving zombies to conserve your single BB gun bullet has never been so much fun.

It appears to be made of shredded cheese.

Later incarnations of the series feature more action and less horror, which worked out just fine - unless you're talking about scary games.

Friday the 13th (NES): You might remember that I talked about this gem before, but it bears repeating: This original Nintendo game is actually scarier than the movies. For one thing, the music freaks you out and random Jason encounters leave you paranoid; you’re always terrified that he’ll jump out at you in the woods and kill your character. The other reason F13 so scary is that it’s one of the worst games ever made. It’s frustrating, ugly, and boring. And yet, I love it. Go figure.

That's you, in the purple, vs. Jason... also in purple.

Blood (PC): Blood is what Duke Nukem 3D would have been if  the guys at 3D Realms were really, really into slasher flicks. In fact, it shares its game engine with good ol' Duke, and despite its mushy controls, Blood is a great example of an early first person shooter done right. Time and cash limitations prevented me from finishing this one when I was a kid, but one day I'll tackle the whole game... maybe THIS HALLOWEEN.


Take THAT, random zombie!

Costume Quest (PS3): This game was recently released via PlayStation Network, and despite the fact that it was made by THQ, it's actually pretty fun. When the main character's sibling is kidnapped by mentally deficient zombies, it's up to you to save them! Each costume the player obtains has its own special ability to utilize in Costume Quest's RPG battles, which are reminiscent of Xenogears for the PS1, only I don't want to hurt myself after playing THQ's humorous take on Halloween gaming. Do yourself a favor and download the demo.

Yep, it's Costume Quest.

After hearing about all these choice games, if you’re still thinking about going to some lame party and getting drunk this Halloween, consider this: Waking up next to one of these titles the following morning does not require you to awkwardly ask for its phone number.

And for those of you worried about that "curse" I put on your earlier, don't sweat it. That picture has been proven to be Photoshopped; just look at the dog's mouth and you'll see the same few teeth copied and pasted three times. Last time I checked, demons didn't know how to use photo editing software. So it's not like there's a real curse or anything; it's just a bunch of pixels. Here, look again. Same as before:

Ahh! ...Those teeth are still horrible!

See? Nothing evil about it. In f̡̜̳͖̲͇̗̩a͍͉̹̣͂ͅͅc̞̄͌tͯit's a ͙̹͝f͛͆ͨ̔ͥ̇̚a͍̮̪̬̯̱ͮ͌̓ͭͦ͛ͬl͕͑͐̌͒ͩ̍l͙̱͚̝ͬḁ͎̹ͮc̯͚̪y͖̱̦̙̟̺͕̽̐̈́̀:


Quite ͍̩̱͙̟͓p͚̔ͭ͐͗ͣ̚̚͞l̛͇̼ͬͯ̌a̼̕ỉ̞͙̖̌ͬ͑ͩ͛̄ͅn͓͔͕͇͕ͣͬͪͅl̵͉͈̹ͪͯ̅ͭ͂̌̋y̗̻͊ I̺̹͐̍͐̈,̘͓̤̺̹͒̔ͦͣ͜ ͙̖̙̳̰̼̫͛͌̐̌̇f͙͚̤ͫͭ͛͂̄o̯̜͍͍ͦ̏͢r̖̩͑ͪͤ ̞̣̞̲͈͖͒̆̏ͬ̓͜o̰̝̯͍̪̹̤̐̔n̠̜̣̫̗̏̒͒͌͐ẽ͚͔̘̜̥̊ͬͥ̐͂̈,͙͙͈͝ ̃̿̃ͥ̇̇͏̙̦͇̝͍w̥̟͕̫ͨ̊́̕ͅȍ̲̗̪̤̬ͣ̆ͤu̹̠̳̟̓l͚ͫ̑̽ͬ͗ͥ̓d͕̙̝͓̪͉͉ͭͬ̍ͣ̚ ̤̠̰̖̼͍͒͜l̗̼͕̯͍̋i̗̝̘̔̂͛ͨ͞k͊͏͇̜̝ͅe͠ t̥͛̈͊ͥͩ͐͠ö̦͉͉̲͕́̊̃ ̵̥͎͕̠̰̻̔ͦ̃h̶͓̖̙̙̺̝̖̠̾̈́̉͊̄̿̊͌u̮̤͛ͭ̇̆̓̓̎u̷̵̩̱̽ͫͬ̀u̷̳̓̐̉̇͒͘ủ̄̒͋́̅҉̧͚̝̖̤̖͎̬͙ͅų̸̞͈̼̳̥̻̄ͨ̽̋̈͘u̗̰̠̬̮̣̮͒̿̓̒̒̔̌ͤͅu̴̺̖̖̳͆̉̔ͤ̓̌̂u̷̢͉̠̗̲̜̬̱ͯ̏̇̆͒́̄̚͟ư͇͚̤̾̕͞u͖̯͈͚̺͚̠ͤ̋̈́͡ų͛ͣ̔͆҉͔̲u͍̤ͣṳ̧̱̲̜̮̄̑̌̒ͨ͘u̥͍͔͇̝̮ͦ̂̋ͩͪ̀ͅͅu̗͇ͬ̍ͤ̕ůͯ̐̓̐͋́͞ͅuͤ̍ͪͧ͏̭͍̪̤͔͍͓͚̀