Edios Takes a Hacker Hit; Let's a Play Friday the 13th For NES

I'd really like to talk about something else on this blog - like Sega's brawler Streets of Rage, the upcoming Duke Nukem Forever, or even Milon's Secret Castle for the NES - but people keep hacking the heck out of gaming companies lately, so it seems more important (and timely!) to talk about that instead.

The latest victim of nerd rage is Edios Interactive, owned by parent company Square-Enix and pwned Wednesday by someone calling him- or herself "Chipping1337." Although Edios says there's no evidence of credit card info being stolen yet, this latest hack attack cost them about 25,000 e-mail addresses and 350 resumes.

Note to gaming companies: If an applicant claims to have held 350 awesome jobs on their resume, you're probably dealing with a thief.

The hackers struck the website for Edios's upcoming Deus Ex: Human Revolution game, as well as the Eidos Montreal's website. The company shut down their websites and says that they're currently notifying those who's info might have been compromised. Meanwhile, back in Hackerville, the bad guys say that they're going to start distributing the misbegotten information soon via file-sharing services.

"I couldn't protect your resumes. I... I'm sorry."

First Sony (then Sony, then Sony AGAIN) and now Edios. What's going on? Is this some sort of calculated attack on gaming, masterminded, no doubt, by the Legion of Doom in their underground Hall of Destruction? Are we experiencing some kind of copycat crime spree? Or were these attacks unrelated, having been planned for weeks and coinciding by mere happenstance?

I'm not sure. All I know is that 1.) Maybe it's best to hunker down with my good ol' Genesis and SNES games, and 2.) this is a dark time for gaming.

By the way, tomorrow PlayStation Network will have been down for 28 days.

On this, the 13th day of the month (a Friday you see), what may make you feel better is reading about everyone's favorite NES flop, Friday the 13th by LJN. At least playing that game, you won't have your address stolen by hackers; you'll just be killed outright.

Man, that Jason Voorhees is a considerate fellow.


He's the most dangerous hacker I know.



Halloween Games Round-Up; Also a Fake Curse

Ahh! ...those teeth are HORRIBLE.

It's almost Halloween again, Charlie Brown!

Instead of dressing up like Gandhi and egging your neighbor’s tool shed or getting intoxicated at some lame party this All Hallow's Eve, why not do something worthwhile and lock yourself in your room with the following Halloweenful video games. Each is guaranteed to chill you to your very soul! Bwa, ha, ha! Or at least they'll be about vampires or something, which is more than I can say about most local bars.

Also, the picture above, known as "smile.jpg" or "smile.dog," carries a horrible curse that's suspiciously like the plot of The Ring, only much scarier because it doesn't involve some ugly little girl who hangs out in wells/TV sets and really needs to brush her teeth. Supposedly, anyone who sees Smile.dog goes CA-RAZY AND DIES or something! I'm already crazy, and thus, am immune. Enjoy your insanity; it'll enhance your gaming experience.

Anyway, let the games begin!

Halloween (Atari 2600): I know what you’re thinking, but despite the title, this game is NOT about Easter. No, it’s about maniac killing machine Michael Myers. For some reason, Michael is very angry at the local teen baby sitter population, and he proceeds to off them one by one in creative, frightening ways. This Atari 2600 classic has the player - Laurie Strode, the main character from the film - hiding children in various spots and trying to outwit her crazed brother. It never ends well for the player, and for an Atari title, Halloween can be pretty intense.

If you can't tell what's going on here, maybe you shouldn't bother with the game.

Silent Hill (PlayStation 1 and PS3): The original Silent Hill is the most genuinely frightening media experience of my life. The Exorcist hangs its head in shame compared to the first Silent Hill. Silent Hill 2 isn’t as scary, but the story line is so deep and creepy, you’ll find yourself lying awake in bed trying to analyzing it. See also - Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and a good therapist after playing.

That there was a dog; this one ain't smiling.

Resident Evil Remake (GameCube): The original version of this game came out for PS1, Saturn, PC, Nintendo DS, cell phones, toasters, etc. With upgraded graphics, new locations and crazy sprinting “crimson head” zombies, the REmake is hands down the best RE title to use the old survival horror controls and conventions. Other good ones to play are Resident Evil 2 for PS1, Dreamcast, etc. and Resident Evil: Code Veronica for Dreamcast and PS2. Fleeing in terror from swarms of slow-moving zombies to conserve your single BB gun bullet has never been so much fun.

It appears to be made of shredded cheese.

Later incarnations of the series feature more action and less horror, which worked out just fine - unless you're talking about scary games.

Friday the 13th (NES): You might remember that I talked about this gem before, but it bears repeating: This original Nintendo game is actually scarier than the movies. For one thing, the music freaks you out and random Jason encounters leave you paranoid; you’re always terrified that he’ll jump out at you in the woods and kill your character. The other reason F13 so scary is that it’s one of the worst games ever made. It’s frustrating, ugly, and boring. And yet, I love it. Go figure.

That's you, in the purple, vs. Jason... also in purple.

Blood (PC): Blood is what Duke Nukem 3D would have been if  the guys at 3D Realms were really, really into slasher flicks. In fact, it shares its game engine with good ol' Duke, and despite its mushy controls, Blood is a great example of an early first person shooter done right. Time and cash limitations prevented me from finishing this one when I was a kid, but one day I'll tackle the whole game... maybe THIS HALLOWEEN.


Take THAT, random zombie!

Costume Quest (PS3): This game was recently released via PlayStation Network, and despite the fact that it was made by THQ, it's actually pretty fun. When the main character's sibling is kidnapped by mentally deficient zombies, it's up to you to save them! Each costume the player obtains has its own special ability to utilize in Costume Quest's RPG battles, which are reminiscent of Xenogears for the PS1, only I don't want to hurt myself after playing THQ's humorous take on Halloween gaming. Do yourself a favor and download the demo.

Yep, it's Costume Quest.

After hearing about all these choice games, if you’re still thinking about going to some lame party and getting drunk this Halloween, consider this: Waking up next to one of these titles the following morning does not require you to awkwardly ask for its phone number.

And for those of you worried about that "curse" I put on your earlier, don't sweat it. That picture has been proven to be Photoshopped; just look at the dog's mouth and you'll see the same few teeth copied and pasted three times. Last time I checked, demons didn't know how to use photo editing software. So it's not like there's a real curse or anything; it's just a bunch of pixels. Here, look again. Same as before:

Ahh! ...Those teeth are still horrible!

See? Nothing evil about it. In f̡̜̳͖̲͇̗̩a͍͉̹̣͂ͅͅc̞̄͌tͯit's a ͙̹͝f͛͆ͨ̔ͥ̇̚a͍̮̪̬̯̱ͮ͌̓ͭͦ͛ͬl͕͑͐̌͒ͩ̍l͙̱͚̝ͬḁ͎̹ͮc̯͚̪y͖̱̦̙̟̺͕̽̐̈́̀:


Quite ͍̩̱͙̟͓p͚̔ͭ͐͗ͣ̚̚͞l̛͇̼ͬͯ̌a̼̕ỉ̞͙̖̌ͬ͑ͩ͛̄ͅn͓͔͕͇͕ͣͬͪͅl̵͉͈̹ͪͯ̅ͭ͂̌̋y̗̻͊ I̺̹͐̍͐̈,̘͓̤̺̹͒̔ͦͣ͜ ͙̖̙̳̰̼̫͛͌̐̌̇f͙͚̤ͫͭ͛͂̄o̯̜͍͍ͦ̏͢r̖̩͑ͪͤ ̞̣̞̲͈͖͒̆̏ͬ̓͜o̰̝̯͍̪̹̤̐̔n̠̜̣̫̗̏̒͒͌͐ẽ͚͔̘̜̥̊ͬͥ̐͂̈,͙͙͈͝ ̃̿̃ͥ̇̇͏̙̦͇̝͍w̥̟͕̫ͨ̊́̕ͅȍ̲̗̪̤̬ͣ̆ͤu̹̠̳̟̓l͚ͫ̑̽ͬ͗ͥ̓d͕̙̝͓̪͉͉ͭͬ̍ͣ̚ ̤̠̰̖̼͍͒͜l̗̼͕̯͍̋i̗̝̘̔̂͛ͨ͞k͊͏͇̜̝ͅe͠ t̥͛̈͊ͥͩ͐͠ö̦͉͉̲͕́̊̃ ̵̥͎͕̠̰̻̔ͦ̃h̶͓̖̙̙̺̝̖̠̾̈́̉͊̄̿̊͌u̮̤͛ͭ̇̆̓̓̎u̷̵̩̱̽ͫͬ̀u̷̳̓̐̉̇͒͘ủ̄̒͋́̅҉̧͚̝̖̤̖͎̬͙ͅų̸̞͈̼̳̥̻̄ͨ̽̋̈͘u̗̰̠̬̮̣̮͒̿̓̒̒̔̌ͤͅu̴̺̖̖̳͆̉̔ͤ̓̌̂u̷̢͉̠̗̲̜̬̱ͯ̏̇̆͒́̄̚͟ư͇͚̤̾̕͞u͖̯͈͚̺͚̠ͤ̋̈́͡ų͛ͣ̔͆҉͔̲u͍̤ͣṳ̧̱̲̜̮̄̑̌̒ͨ͘u̥͍͔͇̝̮ͦ̂̋ͩͪ̀ͅͅu̗͇ͬ̍ͤ̕ůͯ̐̓̐͋́͞ͅuͤ̍ͪͧ͏̭͍̪̤͔͍͓͚̀

Spend Saturday the 14th with LJN’s Friday the 13th

Back before Resident Evil, Silent Hill and even Sweet Home were around to give us restless dreams; before Alone in the Dark kept PC gamers up at night; and before terrifying gamers was a good business model; there was Friday the 13th on the NES. It’s not too surprising that this game is actually scarier than the cheesy movies – after all, they were less about genuine scares and more about watching a mentally challenged zombie in a hockey mask off camp counselors in creative and sometimes decorative ways. But this frightful NES game actually puts you in the shoes of an unfortunate group of would-be victims out to destroy Jason – if they can. The other reason it’s so scary is that it’s one of the worst games ever made. It’s frustrating, ugly and boring. And yet, I adore it. Go figure.

Lovingly thrown together in a single afternoon by LJN, the one-time leader in crappy movie-based video games, Friday the 13th is often berated for its repetitive gameplay, unclear objectives and face-melting difficulty. These are all valid criticisms; but what most half-hearted, bash-fest reviewers don’t care to admit is that once you get the hang of things, Friday the 13th for Nintendo becomes a horrifying search-and-destroy mission that’s likely to leave players cowering under their beds in broad daylight.

The story is simple: Jason’s angry and murdering children again, because that’s what he does best, and it’s up to six similarly-dressed camp counselors to rescue the camp’s 54 children and annihilate the man behind the mask. Friday the 13th was the first true survivor horror game: The only goal, aside from trashing Jason, is to make it out alive. Encounters with Jason leave you paranoid because you’re always terrified that he’ll jump out at you in the woods and kill your character. It’s a game of cat and mouse, only the player is never really sure whether they’re the cat or the mouse.


The nine-second tunes that play over and over again in the field, in the cabins and at the character select screen are unnecessarily repetitive even for NES standards. But there’s more than meets the ear going on here: LJN must have spent millions researching how to convert tension into musical form, and the seconds-long riffs that populate the F13 world are the malicious fruit of that labor of hundreds of mad scientists and psychotic dentists. The music is one of the key factors in making Friday the 13th as scary as it is. For those of us who played it as children, this game still provides the soundtrack for our deepest nightmares to this day.


Take on Friday the 13th if you think you can handle it (and its crappy gameplay). Look at it this way, either you’ll defeat Jason, or, to quote the game: