It's always the Tekken with you! Enough with the Tekken already! Oy vey!
Yeah,
I thought I was done with Tekken Revolution too. That is, until I opened the
media gallery on my cellphone yesterday and found this:
That’s
a screenshot from a video I took at about 4:12 a.m. on March 21, 2017. When TR kept
running after the advertised 3 a.m. shutdown time, I was left recording
aimlessly, trying to capture the exact moment the game went offline for good. Since
I’ve only got a few gigs to work with on my old-ass phone, I deleted most of
the dud footage as needed.
Anyway,
I opened my gallery and there that video was, like the cat that came back the
very next day or the stolen clown nose from that episode of Are You Afraid of
the Dark.
I
know what you’re thinking. “So what’s the big deal? You forgot to delete a
video. This is the worst creepypasta I’ve ever inexplicably copied and emailed
to my former rabbi.” Not so fast, dear reader. Take a look at the WINS counter.
What do you see?
That’s
right, 401.
If
you read my last article, you know that I spent the entire final day of Tekken
Revolution fighting my way to exactly
400 wins. A little secret: I tried a few times to get to 401, but got ripped in
half by better, more awake players.
So
where did the last victory come from?
After
3 a.m., I joined random battle lobbies trying
to catch interesting footage while I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe in my
bleary eyed, up-all-night state, I entered a fight somehow. You could be
getting your ass handed to you in Tekken Revolution, but if you lost the
connection to you opponent, you'd win!
It's a pretty solid, if unspectacular, explanation. But
none of the surviving footage backs that theory up. I have a video that ended
at 3:44 a.m. and this one, as I mentioned, which began at 4:12 a.m. So at some point
in-between, I acquired this phantom win.
What
happened in those 28 minutes, I’ll never know. But I think there’s a reasonable
explanation: You ever hear of missing time? It’s a common experience among
those who have been abducted by extraterrestrials…
Tekken Revolution, Namco’s free to play
fighting game based on the popular Tekken Tag Tournament 2, hit the PlayStation
3 in June of 2013. Close to four years later, on March 21, 2017, the servers were finally shut down.
These are the final moments of Tekken
Revolution.
Welcome to the second
part of my Tekken Revolution retrospective. In Part 1, an earlier version of
myself faced the perils of young adulthood in a spectacularly ineffective
manner, substituting common sense for a bottle of vodka and hours upon hours of
Tekken Revolution. Fast forward to now, the final day that TR’s servers are
up and running.
I’d make a comment
about how much better I am at being an adult, but I’m currently staying up
until 3 a.m. on a work night to play a video game.
The Road to 400
Nobody
likes coins, not even Abe Lincoln. You want a dollar, not a jangly pocket full
of copper. I’d rather not remember my Tekken Revolution career as a sack of
change bound for a lonely Coinstar machine in some Midwestern Walmart, so I’d
like to accumulate 400 wins. My starting point was 339 on March 17. Now that I'm at
380 with a day left and precious few premium tickets, can I do it?
Let’s find out.
March
20, 2017 – 8 a.m. (19 hours left) WINS: 380
I
get three premium tickets for signing in today, courtesy of the good people at
Namco. It’s nice to see a developer still supporting players of a game that
hasn’t made them a dime since January 19, when all paid content was yanked from
the PlayStation Store.
Two
out of the five matches end with me losing the connection to the other player,
something that’s been plaguing the game since I picked it back up last week.
There’s no shortage of opponents at least.
March
20, 2017 – 7 p.m. (8 hours left) WINS: 383
Most
people still playing at this point are pros, with hundreds of wins to their
name and the skills to match. But also there’s this inexplicable trickle of n00bs.
Can you imagine having downloaded Tekken Revolution years ago, and you just
happen to sign in again on the last day?
Some
uneventful fights are punctuated by a crazy, random occurrence. This is the third
time it’s happened since Saturday. (See “Creature of the Night” heading below.)
At
8 p.m., the “final campaign” ends – which means no more crazy experience and
money boosts for the remaining few hours of the game’s life. Players had been
enjoying 10x to 30x bonuses since January 31. I think it’s fitting that Revolution’s
last gasps will be taken in the same pure, grindy fashion as its first
breaths.
I
get my last ever sign-in bonus. The game says I’m up to Day 81.
I
decide to go for some arcade mode action and give my PvP tokens a chance to
re-up. As I play, I’m reminded of the early days. Something I really liked
about Tekken Revolution in the beginning was that feeling of “we’re all
learning this together.” Now in the game’s twilight, I’m sensing something
similar: We’re all going out together, on a high note, showing off the skills
we’ve accumulated over these last four years.
Or
maybe I’m a sentimental old man who likes reading into trivial things. Either
way.
I’m
trying to make those premium tickets last for the next few hours, so I’ve switched
to player matches. In the tradition of the olden days, I’ve named my lobby “BABY
STABBIN’ DUDEZ.” I always wondered what kind of people would join a room with
that name.
The
answer is this guy.
It's tough to read, but it says "BABY STABBIN' DUDEZ" and that guy (top) wants in!
But
after that, I drift from session to session. None of them really feels right.
There are a few open ones, but it’s a far cry from the packed lobbies I remember.
I
haven’t been able to win any of my last six matches. The big boys are here,
they’re pissed, and they’re out for blood. Time to take a break and let my
coins re-up.
March
20, 11:45 p.m. – (3.25 hours left) WINS: 392
I
just won six matches in a row. I was using the same premium ticket and winning it back for what felt like forever. I’m still worried that I won’t be able to
make it to 400 wins by 3 a.m., but I feel a lot less frustrated now.
I
pick up two wins against a careless Bob player. But I’ve only got three
tickets left, and only enough time to regenerate four PvP tokens. That’s seven
chances for five wins. I’m not in love with those odds, but let’s see what we
can do.
I
get three more wins, but I’m out of premium tickets. I’ll have enough coins for
three more matches, maxing out an hour from now. Two more wins and three
chances. I guess I’ll play arcade mode to clear my head.
March
21, 2017 – 2 a.m. (1 hour left) WINS: 399
A
pathetic Kazuya player gives up a win, putting me one away from my goal. There’s
just enough time for me to regenerate two coins. Right now, I’m parked in a lounge, watching other players far better than me beat the hell out of each other. Not much
else I can do. Sure wish I had bought some premium coins when I had
the chance, but I suppose this way is more exciting.
No
more goals. There’s only me and the battle for the next half hour. I'm glad it went down like this.
March
21, 2017 – 2:59 a.m. (The end) WINS: 400
The end is nigh! Any minute now...
March 21, 2017 – 4:30 a.m. (1.5 hours after the game was supposed to shut down)
It's nice that dedicated Tekken players got a bit of a reprieve, but I have to go to bed.
The mind is willing, but the body is weak. This is as far as I can go. I'll check on this in the morning. I wanted to be there for the end, but I feel I've done my due diligence.
March 21, 2017 – 6 a.m. (3 hours after the game was supposed to shut down)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
March 21, 2017 – sometime between 6 and 7:30 a.m.
I love you Tekken Revolution, but it's about damn time.
Creature of the Night
Remember
how I had about a quarter of the “blood seals” necessary to earn the one character
exclusive to Tekken Revolution, the narcoleptic sexpot vampire Eliza?
Yeah, THIS narcoleptic sexpot vampire
There
simply wasn’t enough time to unlock her legitimately. And yet, like a bolt of
lightning from on high, the Tekken gods saw it fit to bestow Eliza upon me.
Randomly, after losing a fight, a message appeared that I had earned
14,000-plus seals in one go. Normally I was lucky if I got 10 at a time.
Then,
the next day, it happened again. This time I got 69,000-plus seals at once,
which unlocked… a bikini. You know, like vampires wear. In the sunlight. Thanks,
Namco.
On
paper, a fighter who falls asleep in the middle of the game sounds like an
awful idea. And that is because yes, it is. But in all my tinkering with Eliza
over the last few days, I only ever found one move that legit put her to sleep,
and the player has approximately one semester at a lackluster community college
to wake her up before being countered.
Eliza
has some cool juggling moves, a classic vampire bite for her throw, and an
honest to goodness, Geese Howard style "Reppuken" fireball. I’m looking forward
to seeing her in Tekken 7, once that game finally comes to consoles in June.
Also
you could make her breasts bigger if you got enough blood seals, which if done without
boosts of any kind, would take anywhere between 16,000 and 160,000 fights. I
was randomly awarded a third time with 70,000 seals on TR’s final night, so I
got this the easy way. Lucky me?
Anyway,
here’s a video of Eliza in a battle bikini fighting lion-headed luchador, King,
because why not.
No Regrets
I
think one of the reasons Tekken Revolution has been so important to me lately is
that I was finally able to fix things, like unlocking Eliza. But the period in
my life I associate most with the game, living in that cheap apartment four
years ago, not so much. I can’t hop in a time machine and tell my younger self
to hang out more with my roommates because they were having a tough time too,
or to eat a carrot instead of an entire pizza, or maybe we don’t take a drunken
walk to Skeevymart at midnight to buy beer seven hours before I had to be awake
for work.
I
can’t retroactively make myself a better person, and now I can’t change
anything about my experience with Tekken Revolution. But I’m glad I took the opportunity
to pick it back up. It paid off, even if it was only for the blink of an eye.
Maybe
in this case, it’s not the worst thing that I can’t whip out Tekken Revolution and give it a quick play when I’m feeling nostalgic. I moved out of
the apartment in which I first played TR a long ago, after all. As we close the book on
TR, maybe I can put my misgivings from the past on the shelf too.
Thanks
for being there when I needed you, Tekken Revolution. Instead of mourning your
loss, I’ll look forward to new fights and better days.
A few days before Christmas of 2016, game developer Namco
announced that their free to play fighter, Tekken Revolution, would be shutting
down on March 20, 2017. I suppose that after a nearly four year run on now ailing last gen equipment, it only makes sense that they’d pull the plug.
I understand why this has to happen, but it doesn’t mean
I like it.
During the days leading up to Tekken Revolution’s surprise
release on June 11, 2013, I remember thinking that I was really hankering for a
new Tekken game. Tekken Tag Tournament 2 wasn’t even two years old at that
point and the time between Tekken games – at least in the post-PlayStation 1
era – can be measured in half decades. So you can imagine my utter glee when
Namco announced in June 2013 that they’d be releasing a new Tekken game, for
free, in just days.
Sure enough, Namco delivered a (nearly) full featured
Tekken, as promised. Basically, the PlayStation 3 exclusive game was a stripped
down Tekken Tag 2, ripping most assets directly from the older game but adding
new, dubsteppy tunes.
Players were rewarded with experience points after each
battle, and upon leveling up, they could upgrade their fighter’s power, endurance,
and vigor. This was the most controversial aspect of the game, allowing some
players to win simply because they were able to purchase more coins and thus,
gain more experience points.
Though a lot of hardcore Tekken players bashed Revolution
for its simplified gameplay and emphasis on attracting new and inexperienced
players, it felt fresh to me. It distilled the Tekken formula to its core, forcing people out of their arcade mode comfort zone and into player vs. player
via the unique token system.
Each player started with two arcade tokens and five PvP
tokens, and as they burned though them, the tokens would slowly regenerate. If you
ran out, no problem: just watch other people fight it out for a while until you
regenerate some tokens, or spend a few bucks to get some premium coins. Reportedly,
this mechanic was supposed to emulate an arcade-style, “I got next!” atmosphere.
I’m not sure how well it succeeded in that, but it sure was fun. I know I ponied
up at least $20 over the years, hungry for “just one more match.”
Despite unopened copies of great retail games sitting on
my shelf, I’d come home after work lock myself in my room with Tekken
Revolution and a half pint of vodka. When the tokens ran out, I’d watch other
people fight in battle/chat rooms I created with titles like “Sell You Children”
and “Baby Stabbin’ Dudes.” And when the liquor ran out, sometimes I’d stumble
down the street to the local saloon for a nightcap or three. One time on the
way to the bar, I watched a kid, maybe 16 years old, get wailed on by at least
four other teenagers. He wasn’t hurt too bad, but he seriously had no idea why
they were hitting him. I went inside the adjacent convenience store (we called
it “Skeevymart”) and bought him a cold ice tea to hold on his injuries, but
when I came back out, he and his assailants had disappeared into the night.
Now it’s four years later, and the crumby apartment in
the shady town is lightyears in the past. I married that girlfriend of mine,
and now instead of spending my weekends going back and forth on the Long Island
Rail Road, I spend them on the couch watching my ten month old son. And when I
do get a chance to play video games, it’s not vodka I’m swigging, but diet
cola. In a companywide reorganization about two years ago, my director title
was lost in the shuffle. But my paygrade is the same and my responsibilities
are much more reasonable.
And yet, hearing that Tekken Revolution theme song
thrusts me into that small, poorly ventilated bedroom, and jumping online with
my powered up Kazuya brings back the little bit of happiness I felt during a
difficult time. I remember the sights and smells of that low rent neighborhood,
and the summer sun setting to the sounds of victory and defeat on the small
screen. I remember that kid who kept asking why he was being beaten, and the
voice of a girl behind me yelling, “You KNOW why!” I remember the guilt of
ignoring my roommates, the burn of the vodka in my throat, and the numb joy of
just me and the game.
I guess four years isn’t a lot of time in the scheme of
things, but I regret that I never got all the characters or had a chance to power
up most of the ones I did. I regret that I never unlocked Eliza the narcoleptic
vampire, earning about a quarter of the 20,000 “blood seals” required to get
her. And I regret that after this weekend, I’ll never irk out another tough
victory in a tense Revolution match, the way I did so many nights back in the
day, before passing out with the television on and the controller haphazardly
tossed next to me on the bed.
Like Namco’s other free to play fighting game, Soulcalibur:
Lost Swords, Tekken Revolution is another causality in the ageing world of the
PlayStation 3. Last year I bought copies of Resistance 1 and 2 because they
were only a buck each at GameStop, and found them to be fun. But out of the
box, the online components to both games (and Resistance 3 as well) had already
been shut down. That’s dozens of trophy opportunities, game modes, and hours of
playtime gone forever.
I guess it’s just in my nature to morn lost games like Tekken
Revolution, the ones most people moved on from years ago, the ones I can’t just
pluck off my shelf when I’m feeling nostalgic. Reader(s) of this blog might remember
my multipart series on the curiosity that was PlayStation Home. And like
PlayStation Home, I hope to be there when Tekken Revolution breathes its last.
