It’s October 23, 2015, and that means that Ubisoft’s highly
anticipated Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate has finally hit store shelves, much the
way that Chris Brown [JOKE RETRACTED]
 |
| He's not my favorite. |
But before popping the game into our PlayStation 4s (or
that other One nobody likes) let’s delve a bit farther into Syndicate’s noble lineage.
Last time, the series’ lovable mainstay Ezio and also that
insufferable nitwit Desmond Miles made their final contributions to the series;
George Washington took on the British with the help of proud Native American
warrior Connor Kenway; and Washington went mad with power in a bizarre-but-captivating
“what if” tale.
This time, the Assassin’s Creed series goes portable in
the Big Easy before docking in the 18th century for a Caribbean
vacation teeming with sweaty pirates.
Assassin’s Creed: Liberation.
Release Date: 10/2012. Available on PlayStation Vita. HD version Release Date:
1/2014. Available on Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC
Welcome to New Orleans. Meet Aveline, a mixed race female Assassin – a first
for the series. Aveline is a likable protagonist, so it’s really too bad that the
storyline she’s dropped into feels so disjointed. The plot approaches entertaining
so many times, but falls just short, like Aveline missing that whip jump at the
end of Scenario 4 OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHAT THE HELL WHO PROGRAMED THIS. Uneven,
often laughable voiceovers seal the deal.
The Persona system has Aveline switching between three guises:
Assassin, which allows her full use of all sorts of stabbers, slicers, and cool
hats; Slave, which excels in stealth but can only use light armaments; and
Lady, which sucks at climbing, attacking, and staying alive, but excels at
sucking. It reminds me of Final Fantasy V’s job system in that it’s meant to
give the player more and varied tools to work with. But in practice, it’s more
like the job system from Final Fantasy X-2, in that it’s a terrible abomination
on par with your Christmas stocking stuffed with rocks and snot.
Then there’s the bayou, where approximately 7,000 percent
of this game takes place. I really hope you like nondescript trees and vines, because
if you’re looking to play more than just the main missions, you’ll be seeing a
lot of them.
The HD version of the game, released on PS3 and Xbox 360,
looks and plays well, but the title’s portable origins are inescapable. The lack
of variety and short story are forgivable when staring down at a PS Vita, but
on the big screen, it’s a lot less justified.
But you know what? Liberation gets a bad rap. It manages
to be an entertaining experience despite its many flaws. While a bit shorter
than your average Assassin’s Creed title and more reliant on nonsensical
collectables to pad the experience, it’s a competent game and a worthy addition
to the series.
Assassin’s Creed IV:
Black Flag. Release Date: 10/2013. Available on Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC, Wii
U, Xbox One and PlayStation 4.
Assassin’s Creed makes the jump to next-gen hardware, and
boy, does it look great. The Caribbean setting is a sight to behold, with warm
waves crashing against lonely beaches and sand so realistic you can almost feel
it in between your toes.
Remember stoic Assassin’s Creed III protagonist Conor
Kenway and his asshat dad, Haytham? Well get ready to meet grandpa! Back in the
day, Capt. Edward Kenway was but a lowly, potentially flatulent pirate, getting
drunk, sailing about, and searching for sweet, sweet booty.
Dat booty, doh.
Anyway, Capt. Kenway runs into all manner of scumbags
like Blackbeard, Calico Jack, and a bunch of other arr-seholes, and promptly
stabs them all to death like any good psychopath would. The pirate first dons hidden
blades after he steals them from a real assassin, but over the course of 80 or
so hours of fun and varied gameplay, he comes to uphold the Assassin’s Creed
for the greater good.
Unlike ACIII, Capt. Kenway has full control over his ship
and crew, heading from island to island, causing trouble, and generally just bein’
a pirate. With sailing so fully integrated into the Black Flag experience,
ACIII’s linear naval missions look like child’s play in comparison.
As per Ubisoft law, all the fun of adventuring often comes
to a screeching halt in favor of the world’s greatest office simulator. From a
gloriously underwhelming first person perspective, the player wanders around
what’s obviously a video version of Ubisoft, looking for something, or
whatever. I don’t even know, but the perspective really makes me wish my
unnamed character was holding a rocket launcher or doing anything even remotely
interesting.
Maybe it’s the Caribbean setting – I’ve always been a
sucker for anything that reminds me of summertime – or maybe it’s the fact that
Black Flag was my first Assassin’s Creed game, but I could sail the seven seas
with Capt. Kenway any day.
This game is yo, ho, ho and a bottle of FUN. Yeah, I just
cringed too. Get over it.
Assassin’s Creed IV:
Freedom Cry. Release Date: 2/2014. PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, and PC
Capt.
Kenway’s former shipmate, freed slave Adéwalé, takes the helm in this standalone expansion for
Assassin’s Creed IV.
Running on the same engine as Black Flag, there’s not
much different between the two titles. While ACIII’s Tyranny of King Washington
featured expectation-shattering animal powers, and Liberation was a short-but-legitimate
game unto itself, Freedom Cry can be completed in an afternoon.
Players might remember Adéwalé’s seemingly hasty exit from the original ACIV,
and this is the reason why. Honestly, Adéwalé is a strong enough character to warrant
his own game, but this bite-sized offering just isn’t enough. I think I’d
rather he stuck around in Black Flag and have had Freedom Cry focus on someone
else, like Capt. Kenway’s daughter, former Coca-Cola mascot Max Headroom, or
Fonzie from Happy Days.
Freedom
Cry is not bad overall, but it’s also not worth the $15 asking price. What I DO
find entertaining is saying Adéwalé. Adéwalé, Adéwalé, Adéwalé. Come on, say it
out loud.
I
knew you’d like it.
####
Next time, Assassin’s Creed says goodbye to the Americas
and hello to the City of Lights.
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