It's Peanuts Time Again, Shigesato Itoi!

I’ve written about this before, as seen in a previous post. But on this, the final day of Starmen.net’s MOTHER fanfest, I think it’s appropriate to revisit the topic for just a few moments. After all, MOTHER deserves a little more love before we all put it away for another year!

With the original MOTHER title – known in some American circles as Earthbound Zero – series creator Shigesato Itoi crafted a video game for people who don’t necessarily enjoy traditional gaming experiences; a sort of “anti-video game.” Similarly, Peanuts by Charles Schultz caries the strange distinction of being both quintessential funny paper fodder and an anti-comic strip, rarely noted for its belly laughs but adored and venerated all the same by thousands and thousands of loyal readers. The strip’s got such staying power that as of 2011, it’s still being printed in hundreds of publications around the country, despite Schultz’s passing more than a decade earlier.

I don't know why he expected this time to be different.

So what could these two things possibly have in common that wasn’t already explored in “Its Itoi’s World, Charlie Brown?” Not much really; just a small tidbit I cut from the original essay. It’s something that I was reminded of when I finished MOTHER today.

It's a crumby game.

The more I ponder it, the more impossible I think it would be to make a “true” Peanuts game; a game that captures the essence of the comic strips and animated TV specials. There would be nothing to do in a Peanuts game but match philosophical wits with Linus, pay too much for psychological advice from Lucy, and have footballs pulled away just as you’re about to kick them. The only other choice is an action game starring that pudgy bald kid who’s falling down all the time. It would make as much sense as all those Garfield games that have everyone’s favorite lazy kitty doing triple flips over his neighbor’s fences and gallivanting through haunted houses. The few attempts at capturing Charlie Brown’s world on the gaming screen have been bizarre, Snoopy-based affairs like Snoopy’s Silly Sports Spectacular for the NES in 1990, but it’s worth noting that in Japan, this game stars Donald Duck and a bunch of other Disney characters. If that doesn’t speak volumes on the genericness of the title, I don’t know what does.

I realized this long ago: MOTHER is a better Charlie Brown game than what was officially attempted with the Peanuts license – and probably anything that will ever come along in the future. Though the RPG genre isn’t an exact fit for good ol’ Chuck and the gang, it’s probably the best suited for that classic Peanuts dry humor and somewhat melancholy atmosphere.

Ninten at home.

Ironically, the greatest tribute to Schultz’s work was created 11 years before his death by a man who lives thousands of miles away from the birthplace of everyone’s favorite blockhead. Perhaps Shigesato Itoi understands American culture better than many of those living within her borders.

Or perhaps he just knows how to craft enjoyable games rife with dry humor and a somewhat melancholy atmosphere.

The REAL Greatest Game of All Time

Forget about that E.T. crap; this is the real deal. But you’ll still have to phone home.

When it hit American store shelves in June of 1995, Nintendo’s wacky SNES role playing game, Earthbound, was met with disappointing sales. Despite a generous amount of coverage in Nintendo Power magazine and an ad campaign that reportedly cost the Big N about $2 million, only about 140,000 copies of Earthbound found their way into the homes of eager Nintendo gamers. Compared to the 300,000 copies that made it into the hands of players in Japan and the fact that the RPG genre had yet to hit its stride in North America, 140,000 units might be considered a respectable performance. After all, games Final Fantasy II and III on the Super Nintendo met with similar success in the United States, though the actual numbers escape me right now.

Earthbound unboxed.

But then there’s this statement from Nintendo gaming guru Shigeru Miyamoto: “We had high hopes for Earthbound, the Super NES version, in the US, but it didn’t do well. We even did a TV commercial, thinking, ‘Hey… this thing could sell three million copies!’ But it didn’t.”

Suddenly, Nintendo’s reluctance to release the title on the Wii’s Virtual Console doesn’t seem as boneheaded.


Proof that EB's marketing was intended to cost $2 million. Borrowed from Earthbound Central.



Whether it was Nintendo’s poorly planned scratch ‘n sniff promotions of the game, the lukewarm (and frankly ill reasoned and written) reviews that criticized Earthbound’s “squashed” and “childish” graphics, or the fact that video games were transitioning to the world of three dimensions right as Earthbound hit the market, many American players missed out on one of the most touching, hilarious games ever. Known as MOTHER 2 in Japan, Earthbound is the coming of age story of a boy named Ness who, after being awoken one night by a meteor crashing practically in his backyard, discovers that it’s up to him and three friends he’s never met to save the world from the intergalactic menace known only as Giygas. Defying the typical RPG conventions of the time, Earthbound takes place in a postmodern world where baseball bats and frying pans replace swords and shields; hippies, drunken old men and scalding cups of coffee roam the streets looking for a fight; and to restore hit points, all one has to do is order a pizza. And if you’re feeling homesick, just give your mom a ring and you’ll get over it in a snap. Earthbound even came with its own strategy guide. Designed to look like a travel brochure, the guide quickly became an indelible part of the Earthbound experience.

Screens from the back of the box.

Many of the game’s unique situations and locales were based on the adventures of Japanese copywriter and TV celebrity Shigesato Itoi, who just so happens to have created the MOTHER series in the first place. For example, the “mole mine” in the Dusty Dunes Desert is based on a cave expedition Itoi took for a Japanese television program, and the final battle with the universal destroyer, Giygas, was inspired in part by a rape scene from a 1957 film called The Military Policeman and the Dismembered Beauty, which a young Itoi was exposed to when he accidently entered the wrong movie theater.

Itoi

Yes, even though Earthbound is often light-hearted, Itoi cleverly approaches mature themes such as death, absentee parenting, homosexuality and psychological trauma as a father might explain them to his children. Other times the player is forced to face the facts with no one there to guide them, just like growing up in real life. It’s a potent metaphor for what many young adults, just like Ness and his friends, will endure as they reach adulthood. It’s especially meaningful for those who just entered the confusing corridors of teendom themselves, as I had the year the game was released.

Another of Shigeru Miyamoto’s pearls of wisdom, this time in reference to his inspiration for games like The Legend of Zelda and Super Mario Bros.: “What if you walk along and everything that you see is more than what you see – the person in the T-shirt and slacks is a warrior, the space that appears empty is a secret door to an alternate world? What if, on a crowded street, you look up and see something appear that should not, given what we know, be there? You either shake your head and dismiss it or you accept that there is much more to the world than we think. Perhaps it really is a doorway to another place. If you choose to go inside you might find many unexpected things.”

What else would you expect from a guy who
runs around like this all day?

It’s that kind of childlike wonder that made Miyamoto’s many masterpieces the hits they were; his own monuments to kiddom. Likewise, Earthbound is Itoi’s celebration of childhood, but not through the lens of the very young like Zelda or the original MOTHER game. Earthbound represents late childhood, where the world is still a wonderful and intriguing place, but there’s the creeping realization that society is in some way diseased; along with the burgeoning sense of romantic love comes the unease of sensing that there could be heartache right around the corner. Maybe that’s why I don’t much like MOTHER 3, Earthbound’s Japan-only sequel, because it’s the gaming equivalent of the transition from teen to adult. The carefree feelings of MOTHER and Earthbound are mostly absent in MOTHER 3, replaced with dread, pain, loss and a musical battle system that BAFFLES THE CRAP OUT OF ME, just like real life.

If you ever get the chance to play the underappreciated gem that is Earthbound, grab your controller, start whacking the local crazy animal population with baseball bats, and don’t look back. Even if you don’t agree with me that it’s the greatest game of all time (which it is), I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.

In fact, here’s the perfect excuse to play Earthbound TODAY:



Starmen.net’s yearly Earthbound Fanfast and Funktastic Gamplay Event is where it’s at. Every two days, the player is told how far to advance in the game and everyone talks about their shared experiences on the message boards. It’s a great way to connect to other Earthbound players and an even better way to reconnect with the greatest game of all time. Also there’s prizes and prizes are fun.

So find those strategy guides, grab your Leave It to Beaver-style red hat and get crackin’, because you’ve got a world to save!

*   *   *

That'll do it for my top games list, but many of you have yet to tell me about YOUR favorite games of all time! If you haven’t, take a minute to post your top three games as a comment to this post. I’ll reveal the results in a future article here on Wordsmith VG!

Of Gods and Starmen

About three years ago, Earthbound supersite Starmen.net held an event called "EB Siege" in which the MOTHER series faithful called Nintendo every day requesting that MOTHER 3 be released in the United States. It went on for quite awhile, but since years later the only English version of MOTHER 3 we have is Tomato's excellent fan translation, you can guess the results.

The logo.

For a brief while though, Nintendo seemed to be taking note of our campaign and we a felt like we could actually pull it off. This essay was written during that final push when it appeared that maybe, just maybe, we might get our wish.

*   *   *

As you might expect, one meets more than a few people working as a reporter for a weekly newspaper in a small city. I’m not some uber-journalist who would risk his life trying to get the scoop on, say, a zombie-infested mall or something, but I do speak with approximately 10 people a week, depending on the stories I have to write up. Especially with my position as an entertainment writer - with a few hard news items thrown in when my fellow reporters need to actually get some sleep - the people I meet are usually chatty, middle-aged women who love theater, kind-but-boring old men and my favorite, uppity art snobs. But I met someone today who was different – someone whom I actually enjoyed interviewing.

Gerardo Castro is a local artist with an exhibit coming up at one of my city’s newest art galleries, the River Art Emporium. This guy has quite the way with words and it’s all right off the cuff. As a writer, I choose my words carefully, read and reread my articles and agonize over sentence structure long after the word processor is shut down. But today, as I sat in my office’s conference room with my rinky-dink tape recorder and my cell phone on speaker, there was Castro, talking to me as if he were a cross between Maya Angelou and Dr. Seuss.

“My colors are really intense,” he said. “I use a lot of things, like sequins and beads and rhinestones and shells and jingle bells and ribbons and they drag sometimes to the floor.”



Castro, left, standing outside his art shop, Newburgh Art Supply



Wow.

Castro’s new exhibit is called Romancing the Gods. As the name implies, it’s all about religion. But like Castro himself, the gallery is anything but run-of-the-mill.

“The idea of romancing; when you romance something, it means you do things to entrance; you do things to seduce, things to captivate,” said Castro. “So the idea of romancing the gods has a lot to do with painting and doing these art objects in which I’m almost trying to make THEM fall in love with ME. It’s like I’m almost trying to seduce them into believing in me instead of the other way around.”

It only hit me an hour or two later when I was while writing the article that we, as Earthbound fans and patrons of Starmen.net, are “romancing a god” with the current, biggest and possibly final EB Siege. We’re trying to get a video-juggernaut that, in the end, only cares about money, to believe in love, passion and something that’s not Pokemon Fuchsia or Mario Party 37 for once. We’re trying to get them to believe in us, a bunch of average human beings who have a very unaverage commitment to our favorite video game. We’re all a little like Ness and his friends – we’re fighting against what seems to be insurmountable odds, but there’s defiantly a way for us to triumph – and it’s going to take all of us to do it.

David vs. Goliath

All the pieces are in place for a typical David and Goliath comparison, only we’re not trying to kill the Big N, we’re trying to get it to go to the prom with us. (Though if it gets that far, I’m not going to be the one to dance with Nintendo; that would be weird.) And like Castro implied, that’s a pretty hard thing to do. But it has happened before. For example, in Greek mythology, Poseidon, god of the sea, fell in love with Cleito, a young human girl from Atlantis. Okay, so he essentially fell for her because she was totally hot and all, but still, it happened. Now if only it were that easy for us.

Last time I checked, I wasn’t exactly the hottest dude in Atlantis (probably if I were a little taller though), so it looks like we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way: by deluging NoA with our MOTHER 3/Earthbound demands via e-mails, snail mails, voice mails, text messages, smoke signals, wooden carvings, etc. But if anyone can make a dent in Nintendo of America’s seemingly impenetrable anti-Earthbound armor, it’s us. Who knows how many of us there are and how many are taking part in the Siege, but like the time nearly 10 years ago that NeoDemiforce scraped together the money to purchase and dump the Earthbound Zero prototype, it only takes a few persistent people to make a difference. This time, though, we’ve got a whole BUNCH of persistent people.

Thankfully, it finally looks like the gods at Nintendo are starting to pay attention to our pleas. They know how much we love the MOTHER series; in fact, when I called NoA the first week of PK Call’N, a very nice customer rep by the name of Josh said as much.

“Earthbound fans love the game as if Ness were their own child,” he said. He wasn’t being sarcastic or degrading. He really meant it.

PK Call'N's logo.

And this was only the first week of the Siege. Nintendo knew of our unparalleled devotion even BEFORE we started the latest campaign. Weeks later we started hearing reports on the starmen.net forms that customer reps are taking callers’ names, and today I read that Nintendo is starting to ask what gaming platform callers would like to see Earthbound/MOTHER 3 on.

The god, it seems, is finally starting to fall for us.

Stalone as "Rocky"

Do you remember that nobody boxer from Philadelphia who took on the champion and beat the living snot out of him? I’m talking about Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stalone’s character in the Rocky series of films. Even against Apollo Creed, who was clearly faster and much more skilled, Rocky didn’t give up – and neither will we. If EB Siege 2007-08 doesn’t work and the Big N refuses to translate MOTHER 3 into English or release Earthbound on the Wii’s Virtual Console, I’ll accept it, albeit begrudgingly, because we, the Earthbound community, did everything we could have instead of sulking in front of our respective computers and starting endless “oh man MOTHER 3 would be so awesome” topics on the forms. Like Rocky Balboa at the end of his first film, we all went the distance against the Nintendo juggernaut, and even if we don’t “win,” we let them know that we mean business. And like Rocky, it looks like we’ve got the once-skeptical crowd on our side, judging from some of the outside press we’ve been receiving – another case of romancing a god, this time the god that is public opinion.

However, this Siege could be the knockout punch we needed. Once again, Rocky was able to captivate the crowd in Rocky II, and that time, he took down the god-like Apollo Creed. Maybe those other sieges were all leading up to this one. Maybe we can get the Nintendo gods to fall in love with us and finally give us what we want.
By the time I had hung up the phone after speaking to Gerardo Castro, he had managed to romance me into believing in him and his art. I’ve become jaded after working at my paper for so long and I can honestly say that I don’t really care about 99 percent of the events I cover. But Castro managed to get me excited about his work in less than ten minutes on a day where everything was going wrong and my stress level was though the roof. My encounter with him gave me renewed hope that maybe we can do the same with Nintendo.

It’s going to take a lot more than a phone call or even flowers and candy to woo this god, but I’m starting to think it can be done. Like Castro, Poseidon and Rocky, we just have to be persistent, confident, careful and good at what we do.

Original EB Siege art of the Chosen Four

MOTHER 3 and the Masses: The Long Road to Success

Borrowed from Eb Central.

When Earthbound, known as MOTHER 2 in Japan, was released in the United States in the summer of 1995, it didn’t make quite the splash Nintendo had hoped: It flopped. Earthbound’s failure might have been because the game was released close to the end of the Super Nintendo’s life span; after all, exciting new 3D gaming systems, like Sony’s Playstation and Sega’s Saturn, were just around the corner. (Personally, I blame Sega’s fantastic 32X.) Or it might have been the slightly outdated graphics, which many reviewers dismissed as “squashed” or “childish.” But ironically, the biggest factor might have been the Big N itself. Perhaps much of Earthbound’s failure can be attributed to Nintendo’s hideous advertising campaign - the ill-conceived “This game stinks” tagline may have actually done more damage than good. While normally, this would have been a refreshing dose of truth in advertising, it wasn’t true of Earthbound at all. But whatever the reason, Earthbound found itself with a small but devoted band of followers and little else. The American gaming public had failed to take notice of one of the best games on market. Six months later, everyone was playing Battle Arena Toshinden on the new but soon to be overheated PlayStations they had received for Christmas and Earthbound had been banished to bargain bins across the United States, lost in the eternal video shuffle.

MOTHER 3 logo, from the box.

If MOTHER 2 didn’t do so hot in the States, what could be done to increase sales of its sequel? If it ever got an English release, would MOTHER 3 be just as unnoticed as its predecessor? In response, I’ve devised with a few ways to make MOTHER 3 more palatable for the general American audience. I know some of these changes might seem radical, but please, bear with me. This might be the only way we’ll ever see MOTHER 3 stateside.

One thing what would make MOTHER 3 a success here in America is lasers. And some sort of rocket launcher as well. These weapons could be used to blow up the space marines that will inhabit MOTHER 3’s lush, 3D environments. Lucas and his friends would wear green armor that conceals their faces, so everyone in the game looks exactly the same. Next, there would have to be tanks that require the use of nine analogue sticks to drive. And check it out – once you get to the end of MOTHER 3, you’d have to turn around and play through it again… only BACKWARDS! What could possibly top an innovation like that? Finally, I’d like the game to appear on Xbox 360 (and six years later, PC) as MOTHER 3: Reaching for Combat Evolved. Shigesato Itoi, MOTHER 3’s creator, will make millions!

MOTHER 3: Reaching for Combat Evolved

For MOTHER 3 to be commercially successful over here in the States, it would pretty much have to be Halo. That’s because many of today’s gamers expect all graphics to be photorealistic, and most games to involve firing giant doomsday rockets, or at least setting something on fire. These people probably can’t even remember what a Super Nintendo looks like, let alone an obscure, decade old Super Nintendo role playing game. MOTHER 3 would look absolutely prehistoric to them. So without completely redoing the gameplay and graphics, only devoted fans, old school gamers and those willing to accept the game’s 2D graphics will take notice of poor MOTHER 3.

However, making any changes would ruin the game’s integrity. MOTHER games are supposed to have squashed, cartoony graphics and midi music. Those are hallmarks of the MOTHER series. It’s never been about an intense audio/visual experience or cutting edge gameplay – MOTHER has always been about getting the most out of what little the programmers had to work with. MOTHER and MOTHER 2 gave us wonderful, enduring stories many gamers will never forget and music that we still hum while stopped at a traffic light or while falling asleep on a long bus ride. These elements are the essence of MOTHER, and cannot be altered. So the question still remains: If not reworking the graphics and gameplay, what can be done to make MOTHER 3 a success in America?

I actually don't like MOTHER 3, but I wish it would come out in the States anyway.

Nintendo must take a drastically different direction with MOTHER 3’s advertising, one that is sure to turn heads and create such a buzz that everyone in America will want their very own copy of MOTHER 3: Nintendo must lie mightily. Their first course of action is to drop quotes to gaming magazines such as “MOTHER 3: Now with 250 percent more exploding heads than Grand Theft Auto,” “MOTHER 3 will be the greatest racing game since Gran Turismo 5,” and even “MOTHER 3 is shaping up to be the best Metal Gear Solid game yet!” Next, Nintendo should invite the press to their headquarters and play footage of the newest Legend of Zelda game, only refer to the game in question as MOTHER 3. (“As you can see, Link has many new and amazing abilities in the latest Legend of Zelda game, MOTHER 3.”) Most people in America have no idea what MOTHER 3 really is, and they’ll believe anything Nintendo tells them. After all, it’s worked in the past; remember when Nintendo told us there was going to be an Earthbound 64? Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt to say that MOTHER 3 can get you a better job, more friends and lots of money.

Those of us in the know will smile silently to ourselves, waiting patiently for the day MOTHER 3 takes over America. Yes, I know lying is wrong, but once the masses are exposed to MOTHER 3’s brilliance (well, I actually don’t like it that much, but everyone else does), they’ll forgive Nintendo for any lies the company might have told. It’s like hiding a nasty pill inside some delicious cookie dough, only for all the gamers in America. See, they’ll feel much better after playing MOTHER 3, even if they had to be tricked into trying it. A similar campaign can be used in Europe. All Nintendo needs to do is spell everything with extra U’s, change all references to elevators to “lifts,” and make a few more references to soccer. Ta-da! Nintendo will have themselves an international best seller! Itoi will be revered as a God, and true MOTHER fans will finally have received a sequel to one of their favorite games of all time!

But the game’s biggest hurdle looms large in the background, overshadowing every aspect of its development: MOTHER 3 has little, if any, time to spare. The other two games in the series came out right at the end of their respective console’s life cycle – for MOTHER 3 to be a success, it must be released before the already obsolete GBA hardware is totally obliterated from American stores, which at this point, seems to have already happened. Time is what Itoi and his team must fear the most, because it’s timing that would determine whether MOTHER 3 is a hit or just another obscure footnote in gaming history like its brethren. We all know the effects poor timing had on the no-show American release of MOTHER 1, the lucky to exist Earthbound, and perhaps the greatest causality of the series, Earthbound 64. MOTHER 3 or not, let’s hope that Nintendo has learned from the mistakes of the past and will finally find a way do the MOTHER series proud.

Well, they could do all that, or they could just put Super Mario on the cover. That’s been selling games for years.


It'sa me, Mario! And I'ma badly Photoshopped onto thisa box. WOO-HOO!



The Ethics of Emulation Through an Earthbound Lens

ZSNES Emulator

Does a game still exist if no one plays it, or is it just a collection of random bits and bytes in a grey plastic shell, buried in our closets underneath the other forgotten endeavors of our bygone youth? Yes, the cartridge is physically present, but all of the fun it used to afford us and all of our fond memories are slowly fading away. Remember that kid you used to be great friends with before he or she moved away after elementary school? Maybe you do. But could you tell me what his or her favorite color was, the classes you both attended, or the games you used to play together at recess? Maybe not. And if I hadn’t just reminded you, would you ever again have thought about that old friend?

Although it had cult following on the internet, the general public's memories of Earthbound, at least in English speaking countries, are starting to grow faint. It has simply been too long since its release in 1995 to be fresh in the average gamer’s mind. Just take a look at reactions the actors get on the fan video site /Earthbound when they dress up as characters from the game and interact with people at the mall. Unless it has been edited out of the movies posted on the web site, no one ever picks up on the joke; no one ever yells, “Hey, it’s a New Age Retro Hippie!” or “Look! The Hint Man!” Yet, dress someone as a more current video game charter, like Solid Snake, Link or Wario, send them gallivanting through the local mall, and the reaction would be very different. Additionally, many players sell their old games to purchase next-gen systems and software; Earthbound was released three generations ago.

Stephen Georg in a still shot from one of his /Earthbound films.

We’re left with a conundrum: Besides its small but insanely devoted fan base, what’s preventing Earthbound and games like it from vanishing into obscurity? And while the game is uncommonly good at retaining its old followers, with no way for most people to play it in this brave new world of Wiis, Xbox 360s and PS3s, how can Earthbound spread to new fans? Is this quirky, decade old RPG doomed to be forgotten by all but the most loyal gamers?

There is a way to counteract all of this and keep the sprit of Earthbound alive for years to come, for new and old fans: emulation. For the uninitiated, emulation is downloading a copy of the game’s ROM code onto your computer and playing it via a program that “emulates” the functions of a Super Nintendo. Ask yourself, is the Earthbound experience any less real sitting in front of our computers instead of our television sets, playing a virtual SNES instead of a real one? Besides a few minor emulation bugs and a different method of control, the answer is “not really.” As we play though the game, we see and hear essentially the same things, and, more importantly, we still feel the same emotions. With emulation, if potential new fans hear about Earthbound on their travels through cyberspace, they could be checking it out for themselves that very day. The only thing they’ll be missing is the strategy guide, which is a shame; it’s definitely part of the Earthbound experience, but the game is still fun without it.

I don't advocate current generation video game piracy – it’s biting the hand that feeds us – but emulating an 15-year-old game that Nintendo refuses to re-release despite our frantic pleas isn’t going to make one damn bit of difference to their profits. If Earthbound is indeed offered for download on the Wii console, rabid fans will buy it regardless. Priced at a few dollars, lost sales due to distribution of the ROM are going to add up to very little. Preserving the game through emulation for new fans to discover what they’ve been missing out on is a tribute to Earthbound’s creator, Shigesato Itoi, and a testament to the game’s high quality and enduring charm. I’m sure it fills Itoi with joy to know that his game had such an effect on us that we’re still finding ways to play it years after its initial release.

Shigesato Itoi

Through its continued silence on the matter, Nintendo has just about confirmed that Earthbound isn’t coming out on the Virtual Console, so the only ones we hurt by playing Earthbound ROMs are the greedy people who charge fans ridiculous amounts of money for the game in online auctions. Talk about cutting into Nintendo’s profits! I’ll bet that a new fan discovering Earthbound for the first time on an emulator costs Nintendo a lot less than some jerk selling the game on eBay for the same price as an Xbox 360. Besides, paying a week’s salary for the game is in direct contrast to the true, free-spirited nature of Earthbound. Placing a “buy it now” price of $349.99 on an ancient video game is something the Runaway Five’s skivy manager would do. And do you really think Itoi wants anyone acting like that creep?

The first search hit for "Earthbound" on eBay, 10-3-2010. Note the $415 price.

But eBay sellers will only be able to swindle Earthbounders for so long before our Super Nintendos finally give out, or the battery in that ULTRA RARE COMPLETE L@@K cartridge finally dies. Unfortunately, this is a situation we all must face. Your old gaming gear might be working fine now, but one day, your SNES isn’t going to turn on, and your beloved Earthbound will no longer save your progress. I know I’ll play my cartridge for as long as the equipment holds up, but I have a sinking feeling that one day, I’ll hit the power button and that title screen just isn’t going to pull up. Then what will I do? Well, let’s just say that I’ll be investing in a larger computer monitor, Earthbound strategy guide in hand.

In this case of Earthbound’s unreleased predecessor, Earthbound Zero, emulation brought us a game we would have never had to opportunity to play otherwise. As for its legality, on Nintendo.com’s list of every licensed game ever released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, MOTHER, NES Earthbound, and/or Earthbound Zero are not listed. Thus, according to Nintendo itself, Earthbound Zero for the NES does not officially exist. How can we be hurting anyone by playing a game that never commercially materialized, and most likely never will, in the US or European market? In fact, one could argue that this is a case where emulation is actually beneficial to a game company. Earthbound Zero is helping to create new fans while reminding old ones why the fell in love with Nintendo in the first place. This increases Nintendo’s fan base, and they're not losing a dime or expending any effort in the process.

Emulation is a many-tempered mistress, offering a confusing mix of nostalgic fun and previously nonexistent ethical dilemmas. The commercial window of opportunity for the stillborn NES Earthbound and the often overlooked SNES Earthbound has long been slammed shut, leaving little reason for us not to play emulated versions of those games.

Back to School Week: The Learning Game Vol. 1

Welcome back, suckaz!

If you're an American between the ages of five and 17 years old, I'm sorry. About 95 percent of you either went back to school last week or you'll be frantically buying a new wardrobe today or tomorrow and marching back into a classroom sometime in the next 72 hours. I feel your pain; I'm a certified English Language Arts teacher and if the economy hadn’t taken a headshot or 17 recently, I'd probably be captain of my first classroom right now instead of selling computers at Best Buy.

No more Thrill Kill!?

Your parents probably told you that you can’t play as many video games during the school year as you did during the scorcher days of the summer, which is a total bummer. And for you old people out there like me, just imagine how it would feel if someone told YOU that you can’t play Street Fighter every night! ...wait, that's called college. So to anyone lamenting the loss of their gaming hours, keep your chin up high and take note: There are people out there who think gaming holds an important place on the classroom.

One of them is me.

Last year I created a blog called “The Learning Game” as part of a grad school class. The blog focused on how video games could be intertwined with education to form something that the student AND the teacher could get excited about. In honor of students everywhere going back to school, I’ve imported and enhanced the The Learning Game to Wordsmith VG in its entirety. Think of it as the difference between the original Metroid on the NES and the Metroid: Zero Mission remake on the Gameboy Advance, only this time instead of stupid alien space pirates taking over some alien planet, it’s all gravy. Besides, you’re getting two posts a day, which is more than 1.99 times more words for you to read (or ignore)!

Pull up a chair and get ready to learn something from, class.

He's FROM SPACE, dude.

The Value of Gaming in Education

Examine the possibility of video games making the move from entertainment to educational. It's still far off, but the idea is much more feasable than it was 10 years ago.

Just a tad different from the book.

Les Misérables: The Fighting Game

You know, every classic novel should be converted into a fighting game.  This one is more entertaining than a garbage truck full of angry Frenchmen!


Extra Credit Bonus Link: It’s Itoi’s Word, Charlie Brown!

If you’ve got some time to spare after class, take a gander at this essay comparing the world of Shigasato Itoi’s Famicom (NES) classic MOTHER 1 to the endeavors of Charles Shultz’s Peanuts characters. There’s more than meets the eye going on here in this progressively poingent essay. It was the first post here on Wordsmith VG, so if you missed it, now's your chance to get a little more studying in!

I made the MOTHER series! LOVE ME.

Sword of Frustration, Wisdom of Kings

Although I can see this getting in the way of being a productive citizen, I have a confession to make: I hate work. I hate homework, paid work, dental work, physical labor, and pretty much anything that prevents me from doing whatever it is that I want to do. So you can imagine how happy I was one gorgeous afternoon a few summers ago to put off my grant writing job and play video games instead. As my computer’s screen saver switched on, getting tired of waiting for me to write my grant, I was wandering around Earthbound’s Stonehenge Base.

As every Earthbound player knows (or should know), there’s something very special about this part of the game. It is here that Prince Poo, who normally would be doomed to fight through the entire game barehanded, is given the chance to obtain his one and only weapon: The Sword of Kings. Just saying it sends chills down the spine of seasoned Earthbound veterans, partly due to the mythos surrounding the artifact, and party because we all know how insanely difficult The Sword of Kings is to obtain. For the uninitiated, the player has a one in 128 chance of winning the weapon after a battle with a certain gold-plated nemesis named Starman Super. This particular villain is rather common in the underground Stonehenge Base, but only for a very limited time. If the player wants to progress in the game, he or she must shut down the base and resign themselves to never finding the sword.

While expressly not doing my grant work, I stared down at my battle-worn player’s guide and read the section about The Sword of Kings for about the millionth time in my life. I had only ever found The Sword of Kings once, way back on my first save file more than a decade ago. I remembered the weapon being difficult to obtain, but really, how hard could it be? Besides, anything that kept me away from work was fine with me. “Onward!” I exclaimed, boldly trotting down the first corridor inhabited by the Starman Super.

Well, apparently the passage of time has also slowly drained the sense out of me, because had I remembered exactly what it was like finding the Sword of Kings last time, I’d have gone to Burglin Park and looked for a cannon to shoot my characters from. Hopefully, would have sailed past every Starman Super in the game and right into the depths of the Lost Underworld. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day dusting up the shattered fragments of my sanity. No, I didn’t get The Sword of Kings, but I did get a nifty headache and a keen sense of hopelessness.

What was supposed to be a nice break from work turned into a two-day long exercise in futility. At one point, I had Ness diamondized so he wouldn’t gain anymore levels and miss the massive experience boost towards the end of the game. The other three characters’ levels were so high that it didn’t matter if we had Ness’ colossal slugging power or not. By the time I finally gave up, my characters were tearing open Starmen Supers like shiny metal cereal boxes and searching through their innards for the prize. At one point, Paula leaned down to pick up a quarter as a Starman was sneaking up behind her, and the resulting tap of her bum sent the Starman whizzing through the air and bursting into flames seconds later. I realized that Poo didn’t need the extra offence that The Sword of Kings could afford him at that point; he needed to be stopped before he tried to pet a kitten and wound up skinning it with his freakishly enormous muscles.

“Wait a minute!” I exclaimed, “I thought I started playing this game to avoid doing work!” I sat there stunned for a moment as the true weight of what I had just said washed over me. Indeed, what I was doing had ceased being fun 12 hours ago. For all intents and purposes, I was doing work. And I hate work.

This brings up a good point: Why does Itoi ruin the otherwise brisk and enjoyable pace of his game with an item he knows all hardcore players will lust after, even though it’s relatively useless? Thirty offensive points are only going to help you at low levels, and by the time you’re done terrorizing the Starman Super population, you’re likely to be level 99 anyway. No, it’s not poor programming; it’s just another one of Itoi’s life lessons sneaking up on you.

See, I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to find The Sword of Kings, you can’t actually be looking for it. A quick check of the Starmen.net forms is rife with stories of people walking into the Stonehenge Base, just minding their own business, and suddenly winning The Sword of Kings from the first Starman Super they encounter. I’ve even read a report of someone who got two in a row. The forms also prove that if you go into the base intending to win the sword at all costs, fighting millions of Starmen in the process, by the time you find The Sword of Kings, you want to tear it out of Prince Poo’s hands and ram it through your eye.

But you know something? I bet Itoi knew this would happen. He was trying to teach us something important that, if we were able to figure out, our time spent fighting the Starmen would seem trivial in light of the amount of time we’d save everywhere else in out lives. Itoi was trying to tell us that if we spend all of our time chasing after something trivial, we lose focus on the truly enjoyable parts of our life. We can’t harp on the details of the day; we have to concentrate on the greater goals in life, least we waste our time on Earth with the inconsequential and the insignificant. That way, if the smaller things fall into place by themselves, we can enjoy them even more.

We’re not down in the Stonehenge Base fighting for a weapon in a video game, we’re fighting for wisdom that will impact the quality of out lives. If I had just done my grant work to begin with instead of playing video games, I wouldn’t have had enough time to even worry about that blasted sword. I’d have played through at a fun pace and continued the game with a smile on my mug. Instead, after two days, I wasn’t any closer to either finishing the grant or progressing in Earthbound. So while I didn’t walk away with a Sword of Kings this time around, I did receive something far greater.

The next time you start freaking out about something, try to think of The Sword of Kings. Just where did all your fussing about that nefarious sword get you?

…Exactly.

MOTHER 3 Fanfest Begins; Old Man Prefers Earthbound

Starmen.net, a longtime authority on all things Earthbound/MOTHER announced the beginning of their MOTHER 3 Fanfest yesterday. Just in time to interfere with everyone’s moving back to college, now you too can play though MOTHER 3 in predetermined segments while watching live shows starting Starmen staffers, participating in daily or game-long challenges, and chewing the fat with other MOTHER fans.

You might remember Starmen.net doing something similar with Earthbound/MOTHER 2 in the last ten years. You’re correct: Usually, the web site holds their Earthbound Funktastic Gameplay Event every summer focusing on “getting back in the game” for longtime Earthbound fans. Judging by the positive response the MOTHER 3 Fanfest idea received on the Starmen.net message boards, there’s a lot of excitement and support for the change. The Earthbound event has reportedly been moved back to October.

But there are some out there, like me, who aren’t happy with the change. This year marks the 15 anniversary of Earthbound’s release in the United States and I assumed there was going to be some sort of hoopla that would involve a traditional summer playthough. Earthbound was released in the summer, and for many of us who jumped on the EB wagon in 1995, Earthbound is, was, and always will be a summer game.

MOTHER 3 was released in Japan in April of 2006, with the English translation patch hitting the scene in October of 2008, thanks to the tremendous efforts of Earthbound Central’s Tomato. Since it’s been less than two years since MOTHER 3 was accessible to English-speaking players, I don’t yet see the need for postponing the Earthbound event in favor of playing MOTHER 3. The Earthbound Fanfests were always meant to get people to reconnect with the game that likely ignited their love for the MOTHER series, but MOTHER 3 is still fresh to a lot of players. Having a funfest for it now feels like having a funfest of Resident Evil 5 or Metal Gear Solid 4.

One of the biggest reasons I’m bummed out is simply a matter of personal preference: I was disappointed with the third installment in the series. Earthbound and MOTHER 1 helped define who I am not only as a gamer, but also as a person. Unfortunately, MOTHER 3 lacks the charm and intrigue of the previous two titles. The ridged chapter system kills the exploratory aspect present in the older entries and the supposedly brilliant, tearjerker of a storyline is actually rather predictable, occasionally bordering on hackneyed. I feel little connection to MOTHER 3 and I doubt I would have completed the game if it didn’t have the MOTHER logo stamped on it.

I understand that Starmen.net must evolve if the staffers hope to keep the years-old website fresh, and switching up the Fanfests is one way to do that. Go enjoy MOTHER 3 if you’re so inclined. I’ll be following along too, but my heart just isn’t in it this year.

Top Five: Video Game Soundtracks You Should Never Listen to While Driving

There are plenty of things you should never do while driving, like using a cell phone, drinking alcohol, shaving, reading the newspaper, eating sloppy joes and listening to political talk shows that are likely to give you road rage. But did you ever consider that the music you listen to in your car could affect your performance as a motorist? Judging by the charred wrecks littering my lawn and the unpaid tickets that taunt me everyday, the right tunes could mean the difference between driving like a kind, nice car champ and a blind, NASCAR chump. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and never hit the road while listening to the following game soundtracks. As my father is fond of telling me, the life you save may be your own. Or more importantly, mine.


Ridge Racer – PlayStation

There are plenty of racing titles I could have put here, but I chose Ridge Racer because every song in the game has been clinically proven to increase adrenaline, disable speed related inhibitions, and cause the listener to mash his or her right foot into the ground as hard as humanly possible. When played in your car stereo, the Ridge Racer soundtrack makes you feel as if your hair has burst into flames, but its okay because you know how to put it out: All you have to do is roll down all of your windows and break the sound barrier with that NASA surplus rocket engine you strapped to the roof of your car. Cops hate speeders, if you’ve got Ridge Racer in your CD player, chances are they’ll never catch up with you to give you the ticket.

Listen to "Rare Hero" from Ridge Racer
Listen to "Ridge Racer" from Ridge Racer


Mother 1 + 2 (Earthbound and Earthbound Zero) – GameBoy Advance

The original Mother game – known in some circles as “Earthbound Zero” – bore the tagline “No crying until the end.” This game and its sequel both live up to that promise, with endings that will make you ball up into the fetal position and weep like a jellyfish-stung baby while simultaneously smiling you rear off, just to spite yourself. Considering the emotional baggage these games heap upon the unsuspecting player, not even the surliest of pirates would be able to keep from bawling with the likes of “Eight Melodies” or Mother 2’s ending theme pouring from their speakers. It’s very, very difficult to explain to a police officer that you drove into the car in front of you because you couldn’t see though the tears. It’s even harder to explain that you were crying because a ragtag group of robot teens thwarted a demonic space alien by praying at it thousands of years ago in your living room.

Listen to "Eight Melodies" from Mother 1+2


Silent Hill series – Multi platform

Anyone who’s ever played a game in Konami’s Silent Hill franchise knows that it was designed to twist unsuspecting gamers into spastic madmen, no longer able to handle all but the most kid-friendly titles. Silent Hill was originally just a way for Konami to sell more copies of Dance Dance Revolution to traumatized players looking for reintegration into gaming society, but some people actually like writhing in psychological agony, so they ran with it.

All official Silent Hill soundtracks lull the listener into a false sense of security by putting an awesome rock or pop song first, then slowly moving into more atmospheric and creepy tracks. Before your know it, you’re listing to the sonic equivalent of 1,000 Satans tying you to a vomit-stained torture rack in an abandoned mental hospital and sawing off your limbs with rusty sporks and shards of broken funhouse mirrors, all while cramming flaming bat guano down your throat. The dangers of listening to a Silent Hill soundtrack while driving include an increased heart rate, intense feelings of paranoia, and wetting the rich, Corinthian leather of your driver’s seat. If you’re foolish enough to listen to Silent Hill tunes at night while on a lonely back road, there’s at least a 3000 percent chance that you’ll wind up crawling out of your overturned vehicle and bolting into the night, screaming like a child wearing underpants made of wasps.

Listen to "Until Death" from Silent Hill

Listen to "Angel's Scream" from Silent Hill: Shattered Memories


Superman 64 – Nintendo 64
 

Everyone knows that Superman 64 is an abomination unto the Lord and no one should ever play it. This includes the equally horrendous soundtrack. Listening to the tunes from Superman 64 in your car won’t cause you to drive at warp speed or crash into anything, but it will make for a pretty crappy ride to work. When given the option, listen to the news instead: It’s just as aggravating and depressing, but at least you’ll learn something other than the fact that Superman 64’s soundtrack converts disappointment into music at a one to one ratio.

Listen to some music from Superman 64


Mortal Kombat: The Album – Inspired by the arcade game

If you’ve never heard of this gem, then you wouldn’t know that someone through it would be great to convert the bestselling Mortal Kombat arcade game into a poorly received technopop jam fest. In addition to a song based on every MK1 character – except for mildly offensive Asian stereotype Shang Tsung and mysterious palette swap Reptile – there’s also two versions of the infamous Mortal Kombat theme song. So why shouldn’t you listen to this pseudo-game soundtrack while crusing for chicks (or dudes, whatever) in your sweet ride? One word: Kano.

When I purchased this album about 15 years ago, listening to Kano’s theme song, “Use Your Might,” inspired me to create my own Mortal Kombat spin-off game called “Kano’s Go-Kart.” Here’s how I envision the intro movie:

After loading up the game, the screen remains black. Out of nowhere, the player is aurally assaulted with “Use Your Might” from Mortal Kombat: The Album. There’s a series of jaw-shattering orchestra hits.

The garage door of his suburban home slowly slides open, revealing Kano with his hands on his hips, wearing his white MK1 uniform. To his left is a go-kart, a tiny, homemade vehicle with just enough space for an adult rider to sit in the seat and steer, albeit with his knees up his nose. The morning sun shines upon Kano and his marvelous machine.

MK1 Announcer: KANO WINS!

Kano hops into his go-kart, and with his knees in the air, speeds down his driveway at a blazing 13 miles per hour. The orchestra hits continue, accompanied by an aggressive drumbeat and a face-pounding bassline.

The wind whips over his half-metal face and through his hair. Kano speeds over the stop sign at the end of the street, reducing it to thousands of twisted metal shards. The deer that had been grazing in the nearby alcove gallop away in terror. Suddenly, Kano’s go-kart screeches to a stop. He gazes onto the unmolested expanse of a suburban Saturday morning.

A female singer, who is probably hot, chimes in: Use your might, Kano fight! The world is at your feet. Fight! Use your might! I’m on your side!

Kano cracks a feral smile and revs up his kart, blasting towards the now-endangered livelihoods of the unsuspecting residents. End intro video; cue title screen.

The object of Kano’s Go-Kart is to destroy as much of suburbia as you can. This includes running over dogs and rabbits, plowing through lawns and gardens, and chasing small children up the stairs of their homes before shredding all of their toys with your kart. There are three power ups: a spinning knife that increases your kart’s maximum speed from 13 to 16 miles per hour, a dragon icon that changes Kano into his MK3 uniform for a limited time, and a grain of rice hidden somewhere in the grass that awards the player a single point upon pickup.

If I listened to Mortal Kombat: The Album in my car, I’d be highly inspired go on a Kano-like rampage, destroying my neighbor’s light posts, mincing garden gnomes, and collecting mailboxes with my windshield. And now you would too, because I guarantee that after reading this article, you’ll think of nothing but Kano’s Go-Kart whenever you hear MK: The Album. I’m sorry that I just ruined any possibility of you ever listening to one of the best/worst video game based albums of all time while driving, but learning about Kano’s Go-Kart is a worthy tradeoff. Well, at least it was for me.

Listen to "Kano (Use Your Might)" from Mortal Kombat: The Album

Drive safely!