Feelin' Down Over DLC

The infamous Mr. Karate

Think back to a time before Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 were the heavy hitters of the home video game console industry, while the once-mighty Nintendo amuses fewer and fewer fans with its parlor tricks. Now go back even further, past the PS2 era and the original Xbox Live. If someone had told you then that you could download extra features for your existing games for a few dollars, you’d probably have been pretty psyched; I would have been too.

Now hop on Xbox Live or PlayStation Network. We’ve all become used to how downloadable content (DLC)  is bundled and sold, but try to look at it from the point of view of your old self. You check on Street Fighter IV content and instead of new characters and stages, you see that it’s $3.99 for four or five ho-hum alternate outfits. Then you find out that characters for Marvel vs. Capcom 3 were made and put on the disc, but cost $4.99 each to play.

I bet your old self is pretty disappointed right about now.

Earlier this week, a character called Mr. Karate was released for King of Fighters XIII for $4.99. He’s a minor variation of a normal, you-got-him-already-when-you-bought-the-game character. Mr. Karate is also a 6 kilobyte download, which mean’s he’s already on the disc but is being held for ransom by SNK-Playmore. It’s not content that was made at a later date, which one could consider a true add-on; it’s content that was made from the get-go with the intention of chagrining you for it later.

If Mr. Karate were $1 or $2, I’d have been excited and picked him up. But even from the perspective of this longtime King of Fighters fan, Mr. Karate is not worth $4.99.

Businesses are out to make money and no one is forced to purchase DLC. Capcom, SNK-Playmore and every other gaming company has the right do what they want with their intellectual properties. But if they don’t start using DLC in more creative, interesting ways – or at least start pricing things more reasonably – fewer and fewer players are going to purchase it.

The best DLC is what you probably would have come up with when you were younger: New levels or another campaign to kill an afternoon with, like Red Dead Redemption’s Undead Nightmare add-on; not a freaking hat for Ryu that costs more than a bottle of cheap wine.

Like I said before, companies are out to make money. Speak with your wallet and eventually they’ll eventually get the picture. Example: I purchased all of the alternate costumes for the Street Fighter IV series. It was a waste of money to be sure, but as a Street Fighter fanatic, it’s what I wanted.

Later on, there were a whole slew of new costumes for another $3.99 a pop – this time requiring a large download, meaning that the content was truly new. So what would have happened if guys like me hadn’t dropped the dough for the first set of new duds?

From now on, unless they’re substantial or at least reasonably priced, no more add-ons for me.

Because Joe Said So #2: Android Assault: Revenge of the Bari-Arm

A.D. 2192 – The independent military nation Zias, established on Saturn presumably so no one finds out about its silly name, builds an army of titanium-reinforced killing machines and outfits them all with the “living-fighting computer geo system,” which is apparently much more sinister than having Neo-Geo systems in the cockpits like I had hoped. The Zias fleet begins attacking the United Nations, which for whatever reason is stationed on Jupiter – probably because they needed the space for a Target parking lot no one on Earth knew it was missing anyway. Somehow, the mighty United Nations’ usual stall tactics and easily ignored edicts had no effect on the laser-breathing, flesh-searing deathbot armada. The U.N.’s only option was to equip their final (read: only) space ship with their own Neo-Geo, pat it on its shiny metal hiney, and send it off to take on the entire red-eyed, child-gnashing horde by itself.

“Problem solved!” exclaimed the U.N. and they went back to endlessly negotiating Earth’s world peace.

On Jupiter.

That’s the ever-so-slightly paraphrased story of the space shooter classic, Android Assault: Revenge of the Bari-Arm for much maligned Sega CD. I’ve always thought that sending one ship to destroy thousands of snarling mechinoids is a terrible idea, yet somehow that’s the only thing that video game protagonists can think to do in times of crisis. From a real-life point of view, if one side of a conflict has a convoy of motorized horrors ready to pry open the other side’s rocket jalopy like a dented can of Cambell’s soup and suck the pilot’s soul though their platinum groinal hoses, the smart money is on the other team.

Though I respect their historical significance and contributions to the industry, I never really liked shoot-‘em-ups – or as some heathens call them, “shmups,” which sounds too much like “schmucks” to be a viable name for anything but the U.N.  But Android Assault is different. This shoot-‘em-up has something special that resonates with me to this day; something that makes it one of the few Sega CDs that’s really worth owning.

That something is the soundtrack.

No doubt that the interstellar jams surround the Bari-Arm like a sonorous cocoon and protect it from harm on its suicide mission; given the futility of the ship’s mission, it’s the only realistic explanation for things like “scoring” and “Stage 2.” Many a time have I rocked out to the soundtrack’s robo-righteousness while whizzing around in my 2006 Hyundai Bari-Sonata. In fact, I’ve spent more time listing to Android Assault than actually playing it. It’s taking a spin in my CD-ROM drive right now and I feel like my computer is nearly indestructible as a result.

But there’s a game on this awesome electro-rock album too and despite my position on shoot-‘em-ups, it’s pretty good. Though the graphics are sprite-based, they’re vivid, colorful, and a step above what could have been pulled off on a normal Sega Genesis. From almost serene, rural landscapes (minus the desperate space struggle occurring in the foreground of course) to futuristic factories and cities, Android Assault is a tour de force through a dystopian wasteland spotted with the odd oasis that resists the bloodshed surrounding it. In other words, it’s just as one would imagine a world run by the United Nations.

On Jupiter.

Vertical and horizontal flying sections – which at the time were not often in the same game – are populated with the expected assortment of upgrades like murderous missiles, lasers of atomic death and that one weapon no one knows how to use properly, so everyone goes for the heat-seekers instead.

I never made it past stage four or five of this seven-stage game and I don’t ever intend to. But that’s not necessarily a negative reflection on Android Assault: The thought of jumping into the cockpit of the Bari-Arm, grabbing that Neo-Geo joystick and blasting away until the soundtrack can no longer deflect the fiery death raining down upon me is still appealing, even though I’ve owned the game since Clinton’s second term. Some games become a chore to play after awhile, but Android Assault is not one of them. Though I’ll never ride the Bari-Arm to victory for the United Nations

on Jupiter,

I’ll always be willing to give it a shot. For the Sega CD, a system with so little to get excited about, that’s a great accomplishment.

To be fair, I consider another shoot-‘em- up, U.N. Squadron for the Super Nintendo, to be a better game overall. But U.N. Squadron doesn’t have alliteration in the title, it’s named after the same asshats who think Jupiter is a great place to talk about Earth’s problems, and still I can’t figure out how to ram the SNES cart into my car’s CD player. Therefore, Android Assault: Revenge of the Bari-Arm gets my vote as best soundtrack shoot-‘em-up of all time.

Obsession: A Games List

My cousin James and his girlfriend Tovah sat down today and catelogued my entire gaming collection. There's 1140 so far, without counting my PC gaming collection.

I'd say I feel like I wasted my life, but that's a total lie. It was awesome. Screw social events and having money.

Sega Master System



1. Altered Beast

2. Fantasy Zone

3. Golvellius- Valley of Doom

4. Hang on/Astro Warrior: The Combo Cartridge

5. Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker

6. Miracle Warriors: Seal of the Dark Lord

7. My Hero

8. The Ninja

9. R-Type

10. Rastan

11. Rocky

12. World Grand Prix

To Fix an Xbox

In August, my cousin James and I tried to repair his red-ringed Xbox 360 console. Though I was there with my tools and taking pictures, this is really his saga.

To Fix an Xbox

All fixed.

Because Joe Said So #1: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

My longtime friend Mike got married a few weeks ago, and in between taking notes for my own wedding plans and trying not to accidently offend anyone by screaming the word “anus” during the ceremony, I had a chance to reconnect with another friend of mine, Joe Tasker. Joe’s a respectable guy, so when he scolded me for ignoring this blog, it stuck with me. Well, not like the end of All Dogs Go to Heaven stuck with me, but you know what I mean.

Then it dawned on me: Why not let Joe tell me what to write every once in a while so this blog doesn’t get too dusty? It just so happens that he had mentioned to me that he’d like to see a review one of his favorite games, so let’s talk about Castlevania: Symphony of the Night – because Joe said so.

Meet Alucard, Count Dracula’s renegade, half-vampire, half-poor actor son, who was apparently named by the same people who thought that it was cool that Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards. Alucard helped out the whip-crackin’ NES hero Trevor Belmont in 1990, a year Konami seems to think took place in the 1400s. Anyway, after sending the D-man to his eerie 8-bit grave for the 4,000th time, Alucard took a big long nap. Everything was cool until Richter Belmont, Trevor’s acrobatic, fashion conscious relative – who hundreds of years after Trevor still hadn’t figured out how to attack in more than two directions – got himself abducted by Dracula, who had once again been given flesh by a bunch of miserable piles of secrets who were paying him tribute.

Alucard, sensing his father’s asshattery, wakes up with a new, much more homosexual wardrobe and shockingly white prettyboy hair. (Because sleeping makes you gay. Take note, homophobes!) He heads to the newly resurrected demon castle Dracula to save Richter, bang a hot, enigmatic 17-year-old chick named Maria and quell his father’s newest uprising by punching hundreds of mermen in the dick.

Symphony of the Night is one of the greatest, but also one of the easiest Castlevania titles. Once you get the hang of the “Metroidvania” style platforming and find yourself a few decent weapons, smacking Dracula’s pale white hiney and the assorted hineys of his demon apprentices just isn’t that difficult for a seasoned player. However, hasty players can miss the entire second half of the game if they’re not careful, reducing Symphony to a title you finish while waiting for your girlfriend to get out of the damn bathroom already, damn it.

Symphony’s real entertainment value lies in exploring as much of the map as possible and collecting as many cool nick-nacks as Alucard can fit in his seemingly endless pockets. For example, there’s new armor, hit point increasing items, and pair of boots that “discretely increase the wearer’s height.” These boots actually do make Alucard a few pixels taller, which makes it harder to time jumps and often leads to Alucard’s dementedly comical death. But the fact that Konami added things like those accursed boots just shows their dedication to, uh, screwing gamers who try to the play the game as intended.

You know what? Maybe that’s a bad example.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night came out in 1997 and over the last almost 15 years, I’ve completed the game almost 10 times. Despite several useless items and a maddeningly convoluted system of using food items, Symphony of the Night is one of the greatest examples of a well-crafted, highly entertaining interactive experience. When a video game has the power to covert non-players to members of the PlayStation-toting masses, it’s got to be something special. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is more than just a game – it’s a joy.

Somebody Call Wardrobe!

So I got Super Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition and predictably, I destroyed my arm with it. Again. For the third time in 18 months.

"You overpaid for my shoto ass!"

I couldn't be happier. ...well, aside from how it took me 54 continues to finish the game with C.Viper on Hardest, but that's another story of another dark, dark day.

But lo! I got the disc version of the game for posterity,  in case my PS3 ever dies years after PSN is no longer available. Apparently I was supposed to get extra costumes for the four "new" characters as a bonus. I got nothing of the sort.

I saw Legend of Chun-Li in theaters. Capcom owes me. So two weeks ago, I sent them a nifty little email:

Dear Capcom,

I purchased a brand new, disc-based version of Super Street Fighter IV Arcade Edition for PS3 on Saturday, Aug. 27, and I did not receive the alternate costumes for Yang, Yun, Oni and Evil Ryu. According to information culled from the Playstation Store, "it is not necessary to download this content" if I have the disc. I have purchased most of the other downloadable costumes for this series and am familiar with the process of getting them to work; said costumes simply do not appear as an option on the character select screen.

Were the costumes supposed to be available when I first turned on the game? Or did they come as a download code that simply didn't find its way into my new copy? Either way, would it be possible to rectify this issue, perhaps with a download code?

I have been a loyal Capcom customer since the late '80s and I own all three revisions of Street Fighter IV (and basically any game with the Street Fighter logo). I even saw both Street Fighter the Movie and Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li in a theater, so for a guy like me, not having a full compliment of alternate costumes has me bummed out.

Please forgive me if this e-mail has been sent to the wrong address, and if possible, please forward it to where it needs to go.

Thank you very much for your time,

- A Street Fighter Fan

 
Hopefully I'll get my costumes yet!

Star Odyssey Lost in Space? 'No!' Says Cobb!

Brandon Cobb, SFT President

My loyal reader(s) are familiar with the ongoing saga of Matt vs. His Mailbox, RE: Star Odyssey, the newest Sega Genesis/Mega Drive game released by Brandon Cobb's Super Fighter Team. After ordering a copy of the game two months ago and receiving nothing by crumby credit card applications, I was starting to think that the only space-based RPGs that would ever grace my 16-bit Sega would involve an egregious misspelling of the word "fantasy."

But lo! An e-mail to the Super Fighter Team reveals that there's still hope yet for my Genesis to catch some out-of-this-world action this summer.

Cobb's reply in full:

Hello, Matt.

My name is Matt and I am a freelance writer and author of Wordsmith VG: A Gamer's Blog. I ordered Star Odyssey on June 27, 2011 and have still not received the game. I understand there's a production delay, but according to an e-mail sent out by Brandon Cobb,  June 27 was the cutoff date for getting a first-run copy of Star Odyssey. I can only assume that I was one of the first buyers to secure a second-run copy of the game. Either that or something has gone wrong.

Don't worry, nothing has gone wrong and you were indeed one of our customers who ordered "in time" to be included in the first production run of 300 copies. I apologize for the uncomfortable delay; my schedule as of late has not provided me with enough time to process and ship as many orders at a time as I'd prefer. Thankfully, this situation will soon be remedied, allowing me to fully catch up on the shipment of all orders placed on or before June 27th.

I need to know if my order is still active or if we need to fix something. I'd like to review the game when it arrives.

Your order is currently in our shipping queue and I will get to it as soon as I can. Of course, we will appreciate any press coverage that you are able to provide, once you've had proper time to play through Star Odyssey.

In the meantime, I was able to play through both Legend of Wukong and Beggar Prince while waiting for Star Odyssey to be sent to me.

Great! I'd be happy to know what you think of them.

Hopefully Star Odyssey will have no spike puzzles.

Ah, that was a fun bit of frustration, wasn't it? As you may be able to imagine, I had a *lot* of fun with that one, during testing. O_o

I wouldn't mind a spell that drops giant pig heads on my opponents, though.

Ha ha. That was one of my favorites, too.

Thank you for your time.

It's my pleasure. If you have any additional questions, please let me know.

Thanks and have a nice day.

--

- Brandon Cobb
President, Super Fighter Team


This is great news indeed! I'll keep you all posted on what happens next.