Showing posts with label Genesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Genesis. Show all posts

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Star Odyssey Lost in Space? 'No!' Says Cobb!

Brandon Cobb, SFT President
My loyal reader(s) are familiar with the ongoing saga of Matt vs. His Mailbox, RE: Star Odyssey, the newest Sega Genesis/Mega Drive game released by Brandon Cobb's Super Fighter Team. After ordering a copy of the game two months ago and receiving nothing by crumby credit card applications, I was starting to think that the only space-based RPGs that would ever grace my 16-bit Sega would involve an egregious misspelling of the word "fantasy."

But lo! An e-mail to the Super Fighter Team reveals that there's still hope yet for my Genesis to catch some out-of-this-world action this summer.

Cobb's reply in full:

Hello, Matt.

My name is Matt and I am a freelance writer and author of Wordsmith VG: A Gamer's Blog. I ordered Star Odyssey on June 27, 2011 and have still not received the game. I understand there's a production delay, but according to an e-mail sent out by Brandon Cobb,  June 27 was the cutoff date for getting a first-run copy of Star Odyssey. I can only assume that I was one of the first buyers to secure a second-run copy of the game. Either that or something has gone wrong.

Don't worry, nothing has gone wrong and you were indeed one of our customers who ordered "in time" to be included in the first production run of 300 copies. I apologize for the uncomfortable delay; my schedule as of late has not provided me with enough time to process and ship as many orders at a time as I'd prefer. Thankfully, this situation will soon be remedied, allowing me to fully catch up on the shipment of all orders placed on or before June 27th.

I need to know if my order is still active or if we need to fix something. I'd like to review the game when it arrives.

Your order is currently in our shipping queue and I will get to it as soon as I can. Of course, we will appreciate any press coverage that you are able to provide, once you've had proper time to play through Star Odyssey.

In the meantime, I was able to play through both Legend of Wukong and Beggar Prince while waiting for Star Odyssey to be sent to me.

Great! I'd be happy to know what you think of them.

Hopefully Star Odyssey will have no spike puzzles.

Ah, that was a fun bit of frustration, wasn't it? As you may be able to imagine, I had a *lot* of fun with that one, during testing. O_o

I wouldn't mind a spell that drops giant pig heads on my opponents, though.

Ha ha. That was one of my favorites, too.

Thank you for your time.

It's my pleasure. If you have any additional questions, please let me know.

Thanks and have a nice day.

--

- Brandon Cobb
President, Super Fighter Team


This is great news indeed! I'll keep you all posted on what happens next.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

“A Slight Delay” and Other Lies My Super Fighter Team Told Me

Brandon Cobb lied to me.

Cobb, founder of the retro game publishing company “Super Fighter Team,” said in an e-mail July 9 that there would be a “slight delay” in the shipment of the group’s newest old game, Star Odyssey for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. I excitedly threw down the $48 admission fee for the classic cartridge on June 27 – exactly one month ago today.

And one month later, I got nothin’. My Sega is very sensitive about things like this and it feels like it was stood up. If anyone knows a good way to get a moody Genesis/Mega Drive to stop being finicky with audio-visual inputs and start making me dinner again, please PLEASE leave a comment as I am very bored. Also hungry.

But this isn’t the first time that smooth talkin’, retro game slingin’ Brandon Cobb told a fib. He also said that his company’s last 16-bit revival, Legend of Wukong, is fun. It’s not.

It’s horrifying.

The title screen. That thing doing a peace sign in the back is a TIME MACHINE.

While waiting on Star Odyssey to apparently soar to my home from the farthest of galaxies, I thought I’d whet my old-school appetite with The Legend of Wukong. I snagged a copy when it first came out, but thanks to a television set that went out of its way to make Genesis/Mega Drive games look like skillfully arranged legos and chunks of vomit, I decided to put off playing it until now.

Everything starts out okay as a hyperactive 13-year-old named Wukong smashes buttons in a time machine and accidently blasts himself back to ancient China – clearly a very timely and relatable tale. Then The Legend of Wukong plays like a standard RPG for a while… until the first boss.

No matter how many levels you grind, he is nearly impossible to defeat.

Random battle.
  After 70 million attempts though, you’ll eventually take that bear-faced freak for a ride on the pain train. But immediately afterward, the game goes from prohibitively difficult to eye-meltingly easy. Halfway through the bosses aren’t even a threat anymore, and by the final chapter, they’re actually easier to defeat than the normal army of pallet-swapped fiends you and your party must battle every four steps. I took out the final boss in two rounds of combat. He hit me once.

I think Wukong and his friends might have felt a slight tickle.

You might be thinking that I was over-leveled and that’s why things were so easy, but I can guarantee that I wasn’t. You see, despite a counter with four digits, The Legend of Wukong’s cast maxes out their abilities at level 50. There’s no point in fighting the last 10 percent of the enemies you run into, which could have been tolerable if the run command ever functioned as advertized; the enemies always prevent your escape only to be slaughtered. On a serious note, the bizarre inhabitants of the Wukong world would do well to talk to someone about those suicidal tendencies; I recommend Dr. Spaitso.

All maxed out. Same crap happens to your money.

Okay, so The Legend of Wukong wasn’t exactly Super Fighter Team’s proudest moment. But I assure you that their first release, Beggar Prince, fared much better. However, that’s fodder for a different post. In the mean time, I’ll keep looking to the sky (and my mailbox) for Star Odyssey.

And also cooking my own meals. Damn you Brandon Cobb, you home wrecker!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Star Odyssey (Sort of) Delayed!

Perhaps there's no such thing as bad publicity, but it looks like the Super Fighter Team has stumbled on too much good publicity: The day the company's founder, Brandon Cobb, sent out an e-mail promoting the release of their newest retro gaming effort, Star Odyssey for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive, is the same day Super Fighter Team sold out their initial stock.

I'm not sure why Super Fighter Team didn't see this coming given the runaway success of their previous two Genesis/Mega Drive offerings, but according to Cobb, the initial batch of 300 copies of the upcoming RPG was sold out within six days. According to a follow-up message sent to those who ordered a copy of Star Odyssey, quick witted gamers who responded to the initial e-mail blast within a few hours snagged the last copies of the first production run. Cobb's newest e-mail, sent Saturday, July 9, said that purchases made between June 22 and June 27 will be filled in the order received; there will be no delay for these customers.

"[In this case,] the copy or copies that you ordered will be shipped to you as soon as possible," said Cobb.

This battle isn't going so well...

So what happens to those who waited a split second to take their credit card out of their wallet and wound up buying the game after June 27?

"If you placed your order after June 27, there will be a slight delay before your order ships, due to the fact that we must wait for the additional stock of the game to arrive from our factory," Cobb wrote. "It has already been ordered and is currently in production."

In case you were wondering, I ordered my copy within an hour of getting the e-mail on June 27. Though I've spent the last two weeks eagerly checking my mail (and freaking out the mailman), I have yet to receive anything from Super Fighter Team.

Some town.

"I would like to sincerely apologize for the delay in getting the game delivered to you," Cobb wrote. "Though I am the president of Super Fighter Team, I also fill many other roles within the company, one of which is packaging and shipping orders. While Super Fighter Team is a full-time job for me, it is not my only full-time job. My schedule is always filled with work of one kind or another, and though Super Fighter Team often takes first priority, this isn't always possible.

"We hope you enjoy Star Odyssey, and we look forward to hearing your feedback about the game when it arrives. If you have any questions or comments, please feel welcome to contact me directly."

According to the Super Fighter Team website, Beggar Prince, the company's first Genesis release in 2006, sold 1500 copies. Cobb says that The Legend of Wukong, unleashed upon retro gamers two years later, sold 600 copies.

Monday, July 4, 2011

New Sega RPG "Star Odyessy" Revitalizes Genesis Scene

Finally coming to a Sega near you!
Super Fighter Team, the same group of Sega retro-gamers responsible for the Genesis/Mega Drive offerings Beggar Prince in 2006 and The Legend of Wukong in 2008, are at it again! Super Fighter recently resurrected the old-school role playing game Star Odyssey, originally slated for release in the United States in 1991 or 1992 but cancelled for unknown reasons, and released it late last month to eager 16-bit devotees.

You can bet that I ordered a copy as soon as I heard about it. It looks like my Sega's gonna sizzle the summer away even more than I had anticipated. Stay tuned to Wordsmith VG for my thoughts on the game.

Longtime Sega fans might remember Star Odyssey from a handful of blurry screenshots released in the Genesis's heyday. However, the title never materialized.

As of this writing, copies of the game are STILL AVAILABLE.

Here's what Brandon Cobb, Super Fighter Team's founder, has to say about the project:

---

STAR ODYSSEY, our newest role-playing adventure game for the Sega Genesis, Mega Drive and all compatible systems, is now available! Originally released in Japan under the title Blue Almanac, the game was slated for release in English in the early '90s but alas, it was not meant to be... UNTIL NOW. Announcing the first new game to be published  in the classic gaming market in cooperation with a company in Japan:

Super Fighter Team proudly presents Star Odyssey @
http://www.starodysseygame.com/

Battle!

I vividly recall the first time I set my eyes on the ramshackle prototype of Blue Almanac as it had been adapted into pseudo-English. Here I held a game cartridge that few eyes had ever looked upon, despite it having been advertised in the publications of the time. People saw it, and people had interest in it, and despite that? POOF. Gone. Never set right with me for a moment. And that's fine, because Super Fighter Team has made it our job to remedy unfair situations like that one.

As I was putting the finishing touches on the game's new script, I took a look at one of those old press ads for the first time. The phrase "Your Star Odyssey is about to begin!" caught my eyes immediately, locking me in a silent moment of realization. We did it! We took this thing from myth to manifest. As a result, perhaps a few of the people who stared longingly at the blurry screenshots inside those early '90s magazines will now find some pleasant closure. I'm damned proud of that thought.

Buying important equipment.

June 22, 2011: Twenty years to the day after the release of Blue Almanac in Japan. We have done right by Hot-B Co., Ltd., licensing their fantastic role-playing adventure set in the future, and preparing it for a long overdue release worldwide.

We now invite you to enjoy the fruit of that hard work, by visiting the game's official website and ordering a copy.

http://www.starodysseygame.com/

You're sure to enjoy it.

---

Along with WaterMelon Team's original Genesis/Mega Drive RPG Pier Solar, Star Odyssey marks the fourth new game released since 2006 for the system Sega officially discontinued in 1996. So far, it looks like Star Odyssey is a must-have for fans of Phantasy Star and Super Fighter Team's other Sega releases.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Happy Anniversary, Sonic!

With his limitless supply of dopey friends, a bizarre appeal to the freakiest of internet crazies and a facepalm-worthy string of successively worse last and current gen titles, Sonic the Hedgehog has fallen on bad times. But 20 years ago today, the original Sonic the Hedgehog game blasted its way onto the Sega Genesis in North America – and for the first time, Nintendo’s fat plumber had a worthy rival.

On June 23, 1991, Sega’ 16-bit revolution forged one of its brightest stars.

YOU CAN'T CATCH WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE. (No, not chlamydia.)

Created by artist Naoto Oshima, programmer Yuji Naka and designer Hirokazu Yasuhara, Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega Genesis/Mega Drive featured the speed that had been missing from most other platformers of the day. Instead of plodding along looking for secrets and timing jumps with great precision as players were used to doing in titles like Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog encouraged gamers to tear though levels at breakneck speed, stopping for a breather only when a boss appeared. Sonic’s adventure spanned six unique zones, including the lush Green Hill, the bouncy Spring Yard, and the ominous Scrap Brain, home of the evil Dr. Robotnik. Yes, his name is technically “Dr. Eggman.” But that sounds dumb. He’s Robotnik, damn it.

Sonic’s popularity boomed as players all over started noticing Sega’s 16-bit powerhouse for the first time. Finally, Sega had the “killer app” they needed to become a threat to the Nintendo juggernaut; and though the Super Nintendo had yet to hit the market in the United States, it could be said that Sonic the Hedgehog was the first victory in the 16-bit wars that characterized the era. Sonic 1 also planted the seed for Sega’s “gaming with an attitude” campaign, which lasted throughout much of the ‘90s and gave birth to the iconic SEGA! scream.



Notably, the original Sonic the Hedgehog is home to what just might be the worst kept secret in gaming history: The level select code. By pressing up, down, left and right at the title screen, then holding the A Button and pressing Start, players were brought to a screen containing every zone in the game, including the special stage. Perhaps because of its ease of use, the code spread through seemingly every playground and schoolyard in America. Players who used the cheat were likely surprised to find that the zone order in the level select menu was not the same as in the game itself, a curiosity that, we would find out later, was evidence of just how quickly the game was rushed to the market.

I'm out of order? YOU'RE out of... no, wait, you're right.

North American cover art
Sonic’s 16-bit career spanned four titles in the main series on the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive, such as the massively popular Sonic the Hedgehog 2, as well as Sonic and Knuckles, which featured impressive “lock-on technology” wherein players could piggyback S&K with older Sonic titles to create new experiences. Sonic’s other Genesis/Mega Drive offerings included Sonic Spinball, where Sonic was the speedy stand-in for the typical silver sphere in a giant game of pinball; Sonic 3D Blast – aka Flickie’s Island – an isometric experiment in 3D that pushed the limits of Sega’s black box but ultimately provided lukewarm gameplay; and a host of cameo appearances in other Sega titles.

Sonic’s fall was as swift as his rise, beginning with his second Dreamcast appearance. After Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic titles experienced a massive decline in quality. Sega, it seemed, couldn’t recapture the glory of Sonic’s 2D days. Whether Sonic is an outdated hero from a bygone era or if the franchise was handed poorly for the last decade is debatable, but recent Sonic efforts such as Sonic the Hedgehog 4 and Sonic Colors on the Wii were much better received than almost all Sonic games of the mid and late 2000s. Perhaps the upcoming Sonic Generations, for PS3, Xbox 360 and the 3DS, will settle the debate once and for all.

However, this is not the day to think about the future of Sega’s Blue Blur – this is a day to concentrate on his past. Take some time to pick up Sonic’s first crusade against evil today and you’ll see just why a hedgehog of all creatures took the gaming world by storm 20 years ago.

Sonic's so fast, he can run UPSIDE DOWN.

But don’t knock yourself out just yet: The summer of Sega is only just beginning.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Streets of Rage Remake Released After Eight Years in Development; Sega Gets Jealous and Punches it in the Face

If you’re a child of the ‘80s or ‘90s and your parents were awesome enough to let you play video games, you’re probably familiar with an all-but-dead genre that used to command the upmost respect: the beat-‘em-up. If you’re a longtime reader of this blog (or you know how to read back posts), you’ve already seen my forays into beat-‘em-up territory, including games like the vaguely homoerotic Rival Turf!, Capcom’s immortal Final Fight, and of course, David Robinson’s Supreme Court.

SoR1 Blaze
But the beat-‘em-up that really stole my heart (and then bludgeoned it with a steel pipe) was the Streets of Rage series, known in Japan as “Bare Knuckle.” Christmas of 1992 brought me the face-smashing, punk-thrashing joy that is Streets of Rage, one of Sega’s finest offerings. Less than a year later, my buddy Ian, his older brother Eric and I used to spend hours on Streets of Rage 2, pounding our way through the angry hordes and catching up on the latest jokes and dramas of the fifth grade. There was also a third game, but as everyone and his friend Gertrude knows, Sega butchered it for its release outside of Japan. Ian and I didn’t play that one much, but it did add a few cool things to the mix.

After a few aborted attempts at a fourth trip to the mean streets, Sega seemed to have forgotten its once mighty fighting franchise, like so many of its best 16-bit properties. Enter Spanish-speaking programmer Eduard Luna Bolano, better known as Bomberlink, and the greatest fangame ever created: Streets of Rage Remake.

Since its inception in 2003, Street s of Rage Remake was built from the ground up, borrowing not a single line of code from the original Genesis (Mega Drive) trilogy. It features64 enemies from Streets 1, 2, 3 and even some new ones, as well as more than 80 remixed and original songs, 112 stages spanning all three games and 19 playable characters, from SoR 1 Axel and Blaze to Adam, Skate and Dr. Zan. Nearly every character from the series is represented – many with more than one incarnation.

Hey, look... it's EVERYONE!

Streets of Rage Remake plays just like SoR 2/3 and is guaranteed to give you a fangasm – it’s every bit as good as Sega could have made Streets of Rage 4, had they decided to go 2D on the Saturn. In fact, it’s probably even better…

Which might be why Sega shut it down.

That’s right: After more than a decade and a half ignoring the Streets of Rage series – and, in fact, this very fangame – Sega got its panties in a twist when Bomberlink released version 5 of his button mashing masterpiece. Less than a week after it was released, and after Bomberlink had asked and seemingly received permission from Sega to release the game, the Home the Sonic Built sent out a cease and desist letter to Bolano and friends telling them to remove the download link from his website.

Get 'em, Blaze!

So after eight years of work, Sega only now has an issue with Streets of Rage Remake. Normally, this is where I’d provide you a download link to one of the best games ever, but under Sega’s orders, it’s against my morals. As someone who follows the law to the letter, I simply couldn’t tell you where to download Bomberlink’s magnum opus, even if I knew.

Let’s all take a moment to mourn what once was and now is lost. Dear Axel, you’ve punched your way into my heart and been taken from me all too soon.
*   *   *

Yeah, so, I wrote the guide to Streets of Rage 2 about 10 years ago and I have no other place to post it. So... yeah. I hope you like Axel. Feel free to skip this and play SoRR if you somehow found a download link. If you don't love SoR2, just stop reading now. But if you do love it...
 
- AXEL -
 
Axel is the best fighter in the game, due to his hard hitting combos, his useful specials, and his flowing pretty-boy hair. Gotta love that hair.
 
Normal Attacks:

Fury: Tap the B button four times - two quick jabs, a straight punch, and a double kick

The problem with this one is that, much of the time, the second kick of the double kick is lost; it simply doesn’t happen most times. While the second kick is seemingly random, after years of playing SoR2, I think it has to do with the distance you are from your adversary. The distance is hard to get right, so you’re better off skipping the kicks all together and tacking on some other knockdown move, like the Grand Upper. Or, perhaps you could try insulting your enemies instead of hitting them. I find that yelling obscenities at the screen is often more effective that using the controller. …no, wait, that’s what I do to my grandpa when I need money. Bless his wrinkled heart.

Power Blow: Press and hold the B button, then release - Double kick
Here’s that infamous double kick I was talking about. However, when you use the charge version, both kicks occur every time -- regardless of distance. This is good for taking out those annoying Galsias. The only problem is that it takes about a second to charge, so you’re forced to use nothing but back-attacks to keep enemies at bay during that time. Use this move when you’re sure you won’t get in trouble. This best for taking out single fighters in sparsely populated screens. Leave crowd control up to moves like the jump-kick and back throw.

Back-Attack:

Hold B and press C - Back Fist (AKA: The Backhand, Reverse Punch, Axel’s Crappist Attack, etc.)
This isn’t that useful. Come to think of it, none of the back-attacks in this game are, except maybe Blaze’s. Anyway, it doesn’t provide complete protection like the Dragon Wing, but it can save you if there’s someone coming up behind you and you need a quick knockdown. Also, it doesn’t cost you any of your life gauge to use like the Dragon Wing does. Use it if you’re low on energy and can’t do the Dragon Wing instead.

Blitz:

Tap toward twice, then tap B - Grand Upper
This is great. It knocks down attackers, takes off a nice chunk of energy, and is relatively safe. Also, Axel yells something in mangled English when he does this attack that sounds like he’s exclaiming “Grab some pot.” Grab some pot indeed, Axel. See, winners really do use drugs! Well, assuming you’re able to defeat the game.

Jumping Attacks:

Stationary: Tap the C button, then the B button - Vertical Kick
I love this kick, even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s quick, it hits twice, and often it’s a more reliable way to end the normal cycle of attacks with two hits. That’s because, unlike the Double Kick, there’s a much better chance that both hits will register. Just be careful that a Donovan doesn’t uppercut you out of it. Try to do it when there aren’t a bunch of enemies around. You’re pretty open to attack while you’re flailing about in the air like that. Also make sure that you’re close enough for both hits to connect, otherwise one hit misses and the enemy recovers while you’re still in mid-air. Then they punch you because they’re mean like that. If this move is done extremely close to the ground, Axel will only do the knee part of the attack.

Directed Jump Kick: Hold toward, tap the C button, then the B button - Jumping Side Kick
While it doesn’t do much damage, this is great for safely taking out enemies with little health left. It’s also great for crowd control. Just be careful that a Donovan doesn’t uppercut you or a samurai doesn’t kick you out of it.

Down Attack: Hold toward (or remain stationary), tap the C button, then hold down and tap the B button - Knee Press
This is awesome for starting a combo with. It doesn’t knock down like your normal jump kick, so if timed right, the enemy will still be reeling from the Knee Press when you land. Thus, you are free to continue pummeling him or her, as long as they didn’t use some sort of crazy anti-air move on you; the game loves to do that on the harder difficulties.


While Holding an Opponent:

Hold away from the attacker and tap the B button - Back Throw
This throw is Axel’s main weapon as far as crowd control goes. If there’s a bunch of guys coming up behind you, just toss someone into them to knock them all down and buy yourself some time.

Vault over your opponent by grabbing them and hitting the C button (or simply grab them from behind) and press the B button - Body Slam
This one is good for damaging a single enemy and it’s slightly more powerful then the Back Throw. Use it on Galsias to take them out quickly, but don’t waste your effort vaulting if there are too many attackers around – it’s more effective to use the Back Throw.

Grab opponent, wait a second, and press the B button - Power Blow Headbutt
Eh, what can I say? It’s slow, boring and it only does moderate damage. Use something else.

Grab opponent, hold toward, tap B three times - Quarda-Knee
The Quadra-Knee looks cool, but does less damage than the double knee/headbutt combo described below. However, maximum damage is never achieved by following through with the “smash the B button” combos. Follow the first two knees up with a throw to maximize your damage potential. To maximize your earning potential, stop playing video games and get a job.

Grab opponent, hold toward, tap B twice, stop holding toward, tap B - Two Knees and a Headbutt
It’s much better to follow up the two knee strikes with a throw. The headbutt does some nice damage, but it doesn’t have the advantages of a throw. Vault over your opponent and Body Slam them from behind for maximum damage to a single thug, or use the Back Throw to control a crowd.

Special Attacks:

There’s a small health penalty for using a special attack, so use them sparingly.

Stationary: Tap the A button - Dragon Wing
This attack is great for dealing with enemies on all sides. In fact, during the Dragon Wing, Axel is virtually invincible. This attack is the key to defeating many of the more annoying bosses, such as Souther and Jet. Also, if you’re grabbed by a biker, use this to break out.

Directed: Hold toward, and tap the A button - Dragon Smash
This mother is nasty. Axel does a series of punches, followed by a Dragon Punch like move I like to call “Ryu-ripoff-ken.” It does positively *freakish* amounts of damage and is well worth the health gauge penalty for its use, assuming that all the punches connect. Using this when there are a lot of enemies around is a no-no, and bosses like Shiva just laugh at you after the first few hits and knock you out of it. Your back is left completely unguarded during the Dragon Smash, so make sure there’s no one coming up behind you when you use it. Well, unless it’s someone sexy. Then I’d just let them hit me in hopes of getting their phone number after the fighting stopped.

Weapons:

Knife/Ninja Dagger - Only doing a single stab, Axel achieves almost negligible damage with the knife. However, he also scores a very quick knockdown. Use it in a claustrophobic situation to buy time. Otherwise, it’s better off being thrown at a distant enemy. Note: Surprisingly, knives can be somewhat useful against Particle, Molecule and friends at the end of Round 7 – because God knows those damn robots love to throw maces at you, and this might be just what you need to disrupt them. Let the Soya throw a bunch of them on the elevator and save them for the ‘bots.

Lead Pipe - Each cumbersome swing yields decent damage. However, it takes awhile for the swing to actually hit the opponent. Thus, the more advanced your opponent is, the higher the chance you’ll be hit out of the attack before its completion. Use the lead pipe to take out lone Galsias and Donovans, as well as that pesky Col. Mustard.

Katana - This is Axel’s best choice as far as weaponry goes, doing an assload of damage verses all who are unfortunate enough to be caught in its path. However, it takes just about as long to attack with as the lead pipe, so the same precautions should be taken. The risk is worth it for the massive damage.

Bombs - Don’t even bother with bombs. They explode too quickly to be of any use. If you do pick one up, get the hell rid of it and get out of the blast radius. They are truly more trouble than they’re worth, just like relationships and traffic lights.

Combos:

The combos described below are in their complete form. You might find it useful to remove the Knee Press and start the combo on the ground. You may also find it useful to remove one or two of the punches or knee slams in the middle. Technically, you only need one as a stopgap to the next attack anyway.

“Air Raid” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Vertical Jump Kick
This one is quick and does some good damage. You might find it easier to do if you omit the third punch, as it flows easier this way. Tap the B button when you land from the Vertical Jump Kick, and Axel will perform either one or both of his double kicks, (assuming you jumped after the third punch) or his Straight Punch (if you jumped after only two punches). If there’s anyone in front of you at this point, doing this will make them less than happy. Can be confusing to human opponents, but the computer tends to knock you out of the air if you’re not careful.

“Grab Some Pot” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Grand Upper
This combo is fun because Axel sounds like he’s saying “grab some pot” at the end. Also, the Grand Upper will knock down anyone who tries to weasel their way in close to you during the earlier parts of the combo. Pretty powerful.

“Really Stupid Backfist Combo” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, tap away, Backfist
This one is hard to do and fairly useless, just like trigonometry. I included it in the interest of being thorough. The only real advantage is that it scores a knockdown, but so would smashing the B button one more time for the Double Kick. Use it to make the second player think you’re nuts.

“Hyper Dragon Wing” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Dragon Wing
Use this only if you’re suddenly surrounded. Why waste health gauge if you’re not getting attacked from all sides and need a quick way out?

“Hyper Dragon Smash” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Dragon Smash
This is Axel’s most damaging combo; it knocks off about 95% of a life bar if done correctly. This is great for bosses who can’t hit you out of it somehow. (Examples: That dastardly Burbon will kick you out of combos, Abadede will eventually throw his arms in the air and knock you out, etc.) The only downside is that it takes off a little of your life gauge to perform. Oh, yeah – and you’ll be helpless against attacks from behind, just like a little kitten. Use with caution or on stupid people.

“Crowds Be Gone” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Back Throw
Good for getting rid of crowds, as well as really screwing over the guy you do the combo on. This should be your weapon of choice when you see some thugs sneaking up behind you as you’re trying to trash someone else.

“Vault ‘n Slam” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, tap the C button to vault over your opponent, Body Slam
Use this if you’re getting tired of using the other ones. There’s nothing special about it, but there’s also nothing wrong with it.

“Multi-Knees of Death” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button three times
Yawn.

“Boring HeadButt Combo” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap B twice, stop holding toward, tap B
It’s okay, but for the love of God, use a throw to end all grapples.

“Grapple Wing” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Dragon Wing
Use this if you suddenly find yourself surrounded while attempting a stronger combo. Otherwise, God knows why you’d use this one when you could be using the…

“Dragon Buster” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Dragon Smash
This is almost as good as Axel’s “Hyper Dragon Smash” combo, with the added bonus of a slightly quicker execution time. The only problem is the time it takes to perform it, as well as the life gauge penalty. Make sure no one is behind you, then let ‘er rip -- kind of like in real life.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Pier Solar, for Genesis and Mega Drive, has been Released! (Finally)


The first Genensis/Mega Drive game in more than a decade - Pier Solar - has been released, according to an e-mail sent out today from the game's programmers, WaterMelon Team.

"Hello friends of Pier Solar, this email is about preorder id : XXX, packaging : u, Classic Edition.

"Your order has been shipped. You should receive it within 20 days.

"Please note that damaged parcels must be refused at delivery time, we will not refund or exchange any accepted parcels that has been damaged during shipping. Thanks for your understanding."

Uh, awesome! After dropping 50 bucks for a game that was supposed to come out two years ago, if the cart is broken, I'm screwed! Thanks, WaterMelon Team!

Your copy is broken? Oh well; eat my a**.

Pier Solar began life more than five years ago as “Tavern RPG,” a pet project of the Sega fansite, Eidolon’s Inn. What was meant to be a small undertaking blossomed into a full-fledged, 64 MEG role playing game for the Genesis, complete with “asynchronous turn-based battles,” an enhanced CD soundtrack for Sega CD owners and at least five selectable languages, including English and Japanese.

“We hope all those who purchase Pier Solar will gain the very same feeling of excitement [and] joy they had from playing the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis for the very first time,” write the developers on the Pier Solar web page. “We want people who play Pier Solar to experience the same level of enjoyment and pleasure [that] we did from creating it.”

Pier Solar shares its initials with the Phantasy Star series, which is often considered the premier RPG franchise on the Genesis.

In addition to Pier Solar, two other role playing games have been released for the Sega Genesis in the last five years by the company Super Fighter Team: Beggar Prince in 2006 and Legend of Wukong in 2008. Both games were translations of existing Taiwanese cartridges released in the territory during the Genesis’s heyday in the ‘90s.

You can be sure that I'll be around to tell you whether this oft-delayed title was worth the wait!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Note to Vic Tokai, Inc.: Dimwit Duck with Electric Tail ≠ Sonic the Hedgehog

At least the box art isn't
 as bad as Mega Man 1
Socket, known in Japan as Time Dominator 1st, is a shameless, shameless Sonic the Hedgehog clone circa 1993 for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. It's yet another "creature-mascot with a radical 'tude!" platformer, and thanks to Sega's Blue Blur, these kinds of games were so plentiful in the early '90s that players used to fill their swimming pools with them and make like Uncle Scrooge with the breast stroke.

The comically-named "Time Dominator," who turns out to be some a-hole manbat with a monocle and a top hat (kind of like Scrooge McDuck, actually) is out to destroy time or whatever! Only electric boyduck Socket, who was apparently dressed by his uncoordinated five-year-old son, can stop TD from, uh, dominating time! Thankfully/unfortunately, there are no whips and chains in this game.

Not many people recall Socket - or even its parent company, Vic Tokai, for that matter - but those who do wish they could send Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to incinerate this game with a conveniently misplaced taker full of highly explosive chemicals.

And I honestly have no idea why.

US Title Screen
Socket isn't going to win any awards for things like originality, control, level design, entertainment value or being anything other than a two-hour time sink that's only slightly better than facing your own awful life, but the hate and humiliation heaped on the doofy looking duck with the electric cord tail is entirely disproportionate to his moderate suckage. Socket's got little going for it aside from some awe-inspiring parallaxed backgrounds and sweet vintage Genesis tunes, but that all ends after the first two worlds. By the time the player speeds into world three, the only thing between him and boredom is the reset button. If you've ever played a Sonic the Hedgehog title, you'll find yourself grinding Socket to a halt at least 700 times by pressing down when he's running in an attempt to roll up in a ball, a la the Blue Streak himself. But just like the hedgehog, if Socket isn't going at least the speed of a time-traveling Delorean, he will crawl up the gentlest of inclines like the most despondent of mental patients. Add to that controls occasionally seeped in rubber cement and frustrating "labyrinth" areas and you've got yourself a 4 out of 10 game, only no amount of beer, liquor or bleach could convince anyone to take it home with them for more than three bucks.

Japan's Title Screen
However, there are some good aspects of this clunker, like a semi-interesting "electricity bar" mechanic similar to the fruit/food idea utilized by Adventure Island on NES and a few Gauntlet style action-RPG games like Dungeon Explorer on Sega CD. The only problem is that Socket is a robot or something (yes, someone dressed him like that on purpose), so he loses electric charge - energy - by performing any task, from jumping to kicking to standing completely still. With each world consisting of a "high speed area," an "athletic area" and the accursed "labyrinth" areas before a boss battle, there's a bit of variety to be had, and the kick attack can be performed without losing speed - an appreciated inclusion. With great music and pleasing graphics, the first 15 minutes of the game harken back to the carefree days where the Genesis ruled the video game heap and my only worry was that school, AKA The Horrible Homework Hut, was going to cut into my Street Fighter II Turbo time. Then Socket becomes a boring, ugly mess, but the beginning was good while it lasted.

Here, I took this blurry screen shot for you. Emulators are over-rated.
A game with a rating of 4 out of 10 isn't really worth berating unless you're me, and I can tell you that there's not enough to rip into here without the positive aspects of the experience taking your article from funny to nostalgic. So why then did Stuart Campbell reportedly give this game the lowest score possible in his Sega Zone magazine review, and why does Ashley Davis have her shorts in a similar twist, digging this one up more than 15 years after it was released and promptly rocketed into obscurity? I guess Davis has an excuse - she was writing for Destructoid's "Games that Time Forgot" series of articles, and at least she was fair. But Campbell... the lowest score possible? Really? Socket/Time Dominator 1st's goofy brand of derivative "fun" simply doesn't deserve that kind of punishment. It's like kicking the fat kid after he tries to sit with the cool kids at lunch and is laughed out of the cafeteria.

You know, I bet this game would have been better received if it had been called Socket: Time Dominatrix 1st instead.

Quack for me, slave! Before I run out of energy from standing still!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Powerless Rangers: It’s a Losing Battle with MMPR on the Genesis

In the fall of 1993, the world was introduced to the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, a band of five (and later six) teenagers out to save the world from the evil Rita Repulsa, a badly dubbed villainess who lives on the moon with some dudes in rubber monster suits and a woman who occasionally turns into a giant scorpion. Despite – or perhaps because of – bad acting, stupid plots and weird fight scenes, the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers were soon flipping and kicking across every television set in America. Everyone seemed to be making money with Mighty Morphin’ merchandise, and it wasn’t long before video game companies wanted their cut of the power pie. About a year after the Rangers’ arrival, Sega and developer Banpresto presented eager customers with Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. But was the power on Sega’s side for their first Rangers title?

There are a scant six backgrounds in this one-on-one fighting title, but each is pleasing to the eye, if a little generic. A volcano, a field with a waterfall and a city backdrop fit the action nicely, but the best is Madam Woe’s stage, a mysterious temple with what appears to be the Northern Lights in the sky behind it. You’d do well to admire the backgrounds while you can, though, because apparently that’s where all the color in the game went. Most of the Rangers look as if they were left in the washing machine too long: The Red Ranger looks like he should be called the Off-Pink Ranger, the Green Ranger is more lime than anything, the Blue Ranger is kind of turquoise, and the Yellow Ranger looks like she’s composed entirely of lemon Starbursts. Everyone else looks good though; the remaining two Rangers have the correct pallets and the robots and monsters are large and detailed. The pleasantly animated characters bounce and bob while at a stand still, but oddly, they don’t look as good while moving. Finally, from the WTF file, check out the Blue Ranger’s winning pose. Uh… is there something you’d like to tell the rest of the team, Billy?

Thanks to some awesome tunes, you’ll be rockin’ out as you battle the forces of evil. The music is sort of a cross between electronic and rock, and while it sometimes relies too much on odd-sounding drum samples, it helps set a somewhat frantic pace akin to the television show. The sound effects aren’t as good, but they get the job done. Kicks and punches sound hollow (think Streets of Rage through a tin horn), and the voice clips, though clear and well-pronounced, sound absolutely nothing like their TV counterparts.

Controlling your fighter is simple. There’s only two attack buttons, light and hard, with jumping and ducking variations. Blocking is performed by holding the D-pad away from your attacker, just like in almost every other fighting game of the era. Executing special moves is easy as well, requiring only a few Street Fighter-esque button taps.

Here’s where things start falling apart. Unfortunately, this game falls prey to the same lazy programming techniques that most other Morphin’ games do: Each Power Ranger fights exactly the same way, with the exception of two or three special attacks. With only two attack buttons, one would think it would have been simple to make a few different animations and mix them up among the heroes. But instead, Banpresto chose the lazy way out and made everyone pallet swaps. After a while, it feels like you’re playing an entire game starring the many ninjas of Mortal Kombat and its sequels.


But unlike Mortal Kombat, not even the special moves do much to define the characters. They range from useful, like the Blue Ranger’s Dino Lance, to worthless, like the Pink Ranger’s super slow Dino Arrow, to just plain wacky and unpredictable, like the Black Ranger’s spinning axe attack. Most of the moves fall into that last, volatile category, making it difficult to know just when a special is appropriate. Watching the Yellow Ranger whiff her Tiger Crasher attack for the 20th time in a row makes for some good laughs in two player mode, but it’s infuriating when you’re trying to triumph over the CPU.

After the first round of a match, it’s off to one of the Power Rangers’ giant robots to battle your now building-sized nemesis. But even this feature doesn’t add enough variety to rescue the game. There are very few combos, so matches quickly degenerate into hit-and-run fests or tiresome fireball fights. It’s fun at the beginning, but after finishing the game once or twice, solo players will likely have seen everything Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers has to offer. Thankfully, the higher difficulty settings pose a decent challenge, but this title probably won’t hold your interest long enough for that to matter. Like the show on which it’s based, the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers game is too repetitive for its own good.

If you’re looking for salvation in this cart through two-player battles, think again. This mode is amusing but extremely limited. I suppose that makes sense in the context of the show; Karate is the great equalizer and all, but a six foot tall Power Ranger might have just a little trouble finishing off a 60 foot tall robot. However, we’re talking about a game that features six teenagers in spandex attacking moon monsters with futuristic weapons they received from a giant floating head in a jar – that is to say, there was never much logic to begin with. Furthermore, if either player chooses a Ranger, the battle always takes place in the bland “Rangers stage.” With half a dozen Power Rangers, you’re likely to spend a lot of time on that stupid bridge.

But lo! By entering a secret code, (continuously tap the A, B and C buttons on player 2’s controller at the Banpresto logo screen until a “Power Rangers!” voice clip is played) one can play as the Evil Green Ranger. He’s a most unique character indeed: For some reason, he can fight two of the three giant robots and as long as the other player hasn’t selected one of the remaining Power Rangers, one can fight in any of the six stages they choose. With so few two player options, why the programmers would make Evil Green inaccessible by normal means is beyond me. You shouldn’t have to enter a code to make a game decently playable, but this new character gives versus mode a much-needed kick in the pants.

"This game should have more of me in it!"
Lastly, there’s a little oddity worth mentioning regarding finishing moves. After winning a match, each character will automatically rush at their vanquished opponent and “finish him” with a special attack. Strangely, even in a Ranger versus Ranger match, the victor will still “kill” his opponent. So according to Sega/Banpresto logic, a normal sized man can’t fight a giant robot, but members of a loyal team of superheroes are willing to kill each other at the end of a simple sparring match.

Overall, this title reeks of sloppiness and the “rush it out the door” mentality that was so prevalent with Sega during the mid and late 90s. Literally one more week cleaning up this game could have made it infinitely more playable, and another month could have produced a product that was appealing to both the younger set as well as hardcore fighting fanatics. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers on the Genesis is a genuinely entertaining game on the first short playthrough and it will give you and a buddy a nice diversion for an hour or two, but as it stands, that’s likely all the Morphin’ time you’ll want to spend with it. Grab a copy for some quick nostalgia if you see it for a few dollars, but soon you’ll wish you could morph this clunker into another game. For some real Mighty Morphin’ action, check out either of the far-superior Power Ranger Game Gear titles.

And now a message from the Power Rangers!

"Hey Se-ga! I used to have a game like this, until my father got a job!"

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Worthsmith vs. The Sports Games #1: "David Robinson’s Supreme Court"

From soccer to hockey and even the national pastime, professional wrestling, I know next to nothing about sports. I had video games when I was growing up, so why do unimportant things like play baseball or interact with other kids or go to school? But the other day while I was walking my dog, a disheveled man with a Red Sox cap and a jug of moonshine stumbled over to me and asked, “Whose yer fav-rite team, nerd!?” When I replied that I don’t watch football, he had a very compelling argument for me to get into sports: 57 stitches in my left eye socket.

The best way for me to appreciate anything is with video games, so I dug through my collection looking for sports titles and started tearing up the basketgolf field! This is the first article of a monthly column that chronicles my clueless foray into the world of sports via video entertainment, aptly titled “Wordsmith vs. The Sports Games.” I hope you’re ready for some football, because I sure am excited! Let’s go Yankmets! Win the Super Brawl!

Game Title: David Robinson’s Supreme Court

Console: Sega Genesis (Mega Drive)

Year: 1990

Genre: Beat ‘em up, possibly basketball

What I Would Have Called It: Net-Crazed Tank Top Men Ram a Large Orange into a Very Tall Hole

David Robinson’s Supreme Court is the worst fighting game ever. Someone once told me it might be basketball game, but you’d never know that by reading the back of the box: “Twenty-four different shots from jumpers to slams, unbelievable speed and rim rattling sound effects… Robinson proves his case with two handed monster slams and awesome net attacks.” These “attacks,” according to the box, include “Monster Slam,” “Reverse Slam,” “Sky Hook Slam,” and “Pile Driver,” which is a move Zangief uses in Street Fighter II to dole out the pain to unsuspecting fireball spammers.

I clearly remember standing in a Toys ‘R Us store one summer day about 18 years ago trying to pick out a new Genesis game. After reading the box, I though David Robinson’s Supreme Court was some sort of justice-system based Double Dragon clone, and Robinson was a dog catching lawyer\street brawler, what with his “net attacks” and all. Now before you tell me that a karate lawyer is too stupid even for a ‘90s video game, need I point out Final Fight’s “mayor and former street fighter,” Mike Haggar? And last time I checked, Arnold Schwarzenegger was still the governor of California, so score one more for incongruent career choices.

Like any dedicated gamer, I tore off the plastic and began reading the David Robinson’s Supreme Court manual on the way home from the store, and it only reinforced the idea that the title character is a street fighter: “Monster slams and awesome net attacks are only part of David Robinson’s ‘TIP’ – Total Individual Performance. Now it’s your turn to get on the court and face ‘The Admiral.’”

“The Admiral must be the final boss of the game,” I thought. I kept reading. “You’ll Dazzle ‘em with 24 incredible moves, including fast breaks and tomahawk slams.”

Compare this with the description on the box of Sega’s classic beat ‘em up, Streets of Rage: “This is the ultimate in street combat. These city fighters are martial arts maniacs with 40 individually controllable attacks – including jabs, head butts, overhead kicks and awesome net attacks.”

Okay, so I added the net attacks thing, but otherwise these passages are strikingly – and violently – similar.

As soon as we got home, my young self slammed the cartridge into my Genesis system much like I thought I would soon be slamming bad guys on my way to taking down The Admiral. Soon however, joy turned to horror, but I tried to give David Robinson’s Supreme Court a chance. For hours at a time I attempted to catch a glimpse of The Admiral, suspecting the gameplay might switch to a Mortal Kombat-like, one-on-one perspective when I met him and actually be fun, but to no avail. With the torment that is only felt by a child who spent all his money on a putrid video game, I put David Robinson’s Supreme Court back in the box and left it to gather dust on my Sega shelf.

Cut to a few weeks ago, as an older and negligiblely wiser Matt was looking to educate himself about all this sports stuff everyone’s been talking about. “Hey, didn’t some kid once try to tell me that David Robinson’s Supreme Court is a basketball game?” I thought. Obviously I laughed at him before punching him in the crotch and stealing his insulin, but what if he had been telling the truth? I whipped out the game and, after I stopped sneezing from all the dust and cobwebs I disturbed in the process, court was in session once more!


David Robinson’s Supreme Court offers a whopping four teams to choose from, including favorites like New York, L.A. and Chicago. And Detroit is there too. They’re really good at stealing for some reason. Also setting cars on fire.

Once you pick a team and start the combat, there’re enough guys on screen to make for a good fighting game. But every time someone throws an elbow smash, the action stops and everyone crowds around one of the two netted holes on big sticks. The guy who got punched is allowed to throw a big bouncy orange at the hole before the fighting starts again. Since the hits in this game are so infrequent, I’ve never been able to score a single knockout.

When you’re jockeying for possession of the orange, the action shifts from a 45 degree angle to a 135 degree angle at the half supreme court line, which makes for a jarring transition. I like to have the big orange stolen from me in a place where I can see it happen, as opposed to awkwardly switching views and suddenly getting my fruit pilfered during the confusion. To be honest, I’m not sure what the significance of the big orange is, but I’m assuming it’s some sort of power-up that The Admiral would love to get his despicable hands on. In fact, I get the feeling that the fate of the supreme court and maybe even the entire American legal system depends on that big orange. Maybe it’s like the Matrix of Leadership from the 1986 Transformers movie and David Robinson is trying to take over for Optimus Prime before The Admiral does.

Even after almost two decades, I still hate David Robinson’s Supreme Court. Worse yet, I didn’t learn anything about sports. I don’t know how, but this must be the work of that sinister Admiral. One day I’ll defeat you, The Admiral, and then the secrets of the basketball will be conferred upon me.

Until then, it’s back to the drawing board for my sports quest.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Hard Drivin’ is a Wreck

Like that lame kid down the street who has no idea he’s a dork, Hard Drivin’ for the Sega Genesis really thinks that it’s providing players with an awesome driving simulation unlike any other. That’s true; Hard Drivin’ really is unlike any other driving sim, but for all the wrong reasons.

If you’ve played the arcade version of Hard Drivin’, the first thing you’ll notice is that the graphics took a huge hit during the port to the Genesis. While it’s impressive to see the Genny pushing polygons without any fancy chips built into the cart like in Virtua Racer, the game looks like a cheap ‘80s film version of what awesome games would be like in the future. The buildings appear to be made entirely of legos and the animation lacks the fluidity needed to make the player feel like he’s at the wheel of a high-powered auto.

Hard Drivin’ offers a single track with two routes: The standard speed track and the stunt track, which has the player doing crazy loop-de-loops and high-flying jumps. There isn’t anything here that won’t get dull after 15 minutes. The entire game – easy, normal and hard modes – can be defeated by a decent player in one sitting. Even dropping roof-first to the ground from a poorly executed loop-de-loop or ramming into the game’s lone cow loses its charm all too quickly.

There are a total of three songs in Hard Drivin’, including the one at the title screen and another when you win. But the only song that matters is the third, an absurdly dramatic piece that accompanies the instant replays of the player’s crashes. It multiplies the hilarity of mistiming a jump or zooming into the grill of a semi by at least 100 times and is, in fact, the best part of the game.

This game is a quarter cruncher through and through, a fact made obvious by its lack of gameplay options and the reality that most of the ROM space went to the visuals. When Hard Drivin’ was in the arcades, a quarter per play was perfectly acceptable. Take away the steering wheel and the wow factor of the graphics and you’ve lost most of the appeal of the game. Hard Drivin’ on the Genesis feels more like a tech demo than a full-fledged game and it really isn’t worth more than two dollars and an hour of your time. Even if you manage to come across it in some woefully understocked arcade, do yourself a favor and don’t dump more than a few quarters in it.

But be cool and don’t tell Hard Drivin’ I said any of this. If you see it at a used game shop, tell it that it’s badass and that everyone loves it. Just like the well-meaning dork down the street, there’s no reason to be mean to something that tries so hard to be awesome.

Ouch!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Streets of Rage II: Not Just Another Mindless Brawler

There’s something about the Genesis/Mega Drive game Streets of Rage II that, even after almost two decades, still gets my pulse pounding and my sweat glands pumping.


Perhaps it’s the immortal technopop soundtrack that helped introduce me and countless other 11-year-olds to the world of electronic music. Most game tunes of the time were stuck in “bubblegum mode,” with light, airy melodies carrying you through yet another cutesy platformer. The music in Streets of Rage II, however, grabs the player by the neck and drags their face over the pavement, screaming “This is life or death!” Yuzo Koshiro’s work stands the test of time and even transcends its medium; if one didn’t know better and the instruments were slightly less video gamey, one might think that the tunes were produced for a new techno album.

Or maybe it’s the great controls and variety of attacks that keeps me hooked. A skilled player can come up with dozens of ways to dispatch the endless hoards of baddies, knocking down entire groups of them with one devastating reversal. Weapons are easy to pick up and use, or even to throw at unsuspecting thugs across the screen if you’d rather go it with your fists instead. Each of the four playable characters has weapons he or she is most skilled with, making replay games almost as thrilling as your first time though.

Possibly it's the large, colorful graphics that keep me enthralled. The characters look fantastic while they’re kicking butt, and despite the uninspired copy-and-paste punks that inhabit the majority of most levels, Streets of Rage II has some of the best sprite-based graphics I’ve ever seen the Genny pull off. Also, a couple of the dudes that the player battles look a little funny, like Big Ben, the 300 pound, flame spewing baseball fan, but that’s all part of the game’s ample charm.

Yeah, all of those things are wonderful, but I bet what really keeps me coming back is Axel’s flowing, prettyboy hair. But you can read all about that in my upcoming fanfic, “Streets of Passion.”

Er, anyway, go play Streets of Rage II. Not only was it the best in the SoR series, it’s one of the best games on the Genesis; I would even go as far as to call it one of the greatest games of all time. Not just another mindless brawler, this one will keep you entertained for years to come.

That is, if it hasn’t already.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Puke Along with Panic!

Imagine if every time you pressed a button on your cell phone, chose a channel with your TV remote, or clicked a mouse, there was a 50 to 90 percent chance that it would backfire, filling your living room with zoo animals, blowing up Mount Rushmore or even sending you on a one way trip to visit Satan himself, who will puke on you. This is the crazy concept behind Panic! (known as Switch in Japan), Data East’s best contribution to any Sega system, and quite possibly humanity’s greatest achievement.

The gameplay is simple: You’re transported from scene to scene, where you pick from a set of a buttons on screen, press one and watch the consequences. That's it. It’s pure brilliance.


The Monty Pythonish graphics are a perfect fit for the bizarre action and the music adds to the humorous atmosphere. The short, high-quality tunes establish a plethora of emotions, from relaxed and whimsical to pressured and tense. Honestly, some of the scenes are harrowing to play though, like the one with an imposing alien standing before you, or the one with a Frankenstein monster lying dormant (not for long!) in a gothic castle. And it’s not just the scary scenes that can make the player a little uncomfortable. One of the best things about the game is that even in a normal scene like a snowy field or a motorboat on a sunny day, you’ll still have the constant fear that you’re going to press the wrong button and sumos will jump out of the ceiling and puke on you. Or your lawnmower will spin wildly out of control and eat your baseball glove, your house and even your dog, and then puke on you.


But you're also afraid you might press the “right” button. Though Panic!’s fun comes from never knowing what you might trigger by pressing a button, you also don't know which switches have gags, so sometimes, you're teleported out of a scene without viewing all of the possible tomfoolery. That's right, you'll WANT to screw up in this game, because "winning" isn't half as fun as having a hippo in a tutu crush your poor character into a pancake, say something incoherent, and then puke on you.

In an industry increasingly obsessed with making video games so realistic that players can alter the texture of their shoelaces and are docked points for forgetting to trim their character’s nose hairs, a game where you simply point, click and pray is refreshing. Do yourself a favor and play Panic! - I promise it won’t make you want to puke.