Showing posts with label Sega. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sega. Show all posts

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Star Odyssey Lost in Space? 'No!' Says Cobb!

Brandon Cobb, SFT President
My loyal reader(s) are familiar with the ongoing saga of Matt vs. His Mailbox, RE: Star Odyssey, the newest Sega Genesis/Mega Drive game released by Brandon Cobb's Super Fighter Team. After ordering a copy of the game two months ago and receiving nothing by crumby credit card applications, I was starting to think that the only space-based RPGs that would ever grace my 16-bit Sega would involve an egregious misspelling of the word "fantasy."

But lo! An e-mail to the Super Fighter Team reveals that there's still hope yet for my Genesis to catch some out-of-this-world action this summer.

Cobb's reply in full:

Hello, Matt.

My name is Matt and I am a freelance writer and author of Wordsmith VG: A Gamer's Blog. I ordered Star Odyssey on June 27, 2011 and have still not received the game. I understand there's a production delay, but according to an e-mail sent out by Brandon Cobb,  June 27 was the cutoff date for getting a first-run copy of Star Odyssey. I can only assume that I was one of the first buyers to secure a second-run copy of the game. Either that or something has gone wrong.

Don't worry, nothing has gone wrong and you were indeed one of our customers who ordered "in time" to be included in the first production run of 300 copies. I apologize for the uncomfortable delay; my schedule as of late has not provided me with enough time to process and ship as many orders at a time as I'd prefer. Thankfully, this situation will soon be remedied, allowing me to fully catch up on the shipment of all orders placed on or before June 27th.

I need to know if my order is still active or if we need to fix something. I'd like to review the game when it arrives.

Your order is currently in our shipping queue and I will get to it as soon as I can. Of course, we will appreciate any press coverage that you are able to provide, once you've had proper time to play through Star Odyssey.

In the meantime, I was able to play through both Legend of Wukong and Beggar Prince while waiting for Star Odyssey to be sent to me.

Great! I'd be happy to know what you think of them.

Hopefully Star Odyssey will have no spike puzzles.

Ah, that was a fun bit of frustration, wasn't it? As you may be able to imagine, I had a *lot* of fun with that one, during testing. O_o

I wouldn't mind a spell that drops giant pig heads on my opponents, though.

Ha ha. That was one of my favorites, too.

Thank you for your time.

It's my pleasure. If you have any additional questions, please let me know.

Thanks and have a nice day.

--

- Brandon Cobb
President, Super Fighter Team


This is great news indeed! I'll keep you all posted on what happens next.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Callin' Out the Team for a Super Fight

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Super Fighter Team Logo
It's been about six weeks since I ordered Star Odyssey and still no game. In the mean time, I've played through both of Super Fighter Team's other Genesis/Mega Drive releases, The Legend of Wukong and Beggar Prince. They were both soul crushing chores in their own unique ways, but judging from the screen shots, I've got a lot of faith that Star Odyssey will blow 'em away.

All I've got left is Pier Solar, which apparently will take me until my unborn children finish high school to play through. But after the time it's taken to get here, now I'm worried that I'll be done with Pier Solar before Star Odyssey has a chance to grace my doorstep and whittle its way into my black heart.

Enough is enough. I decided to e-mail the Super Fighter Team asking where my game is. In SFT's defence, it's basically one guy sending out more than 300 orders. But in my defence, I'm out $48 with, so far, nothing to show for it. I can't remember if Wukong or Beggar Prince took this long to arrive, but I think the cogs spun a little faster than this.

Here's the e-mail I sent out this afternoon:

To whom it may concern,

My name is Matt and I am a freelance writer and author of Wordsmith VG: A Gamer's Blog. I ordered Star Odyssey on June 27, 2011 and have still not received the game. I understand there's a production delay, but according to an e-mail sent out by Brandon Cobb, June 27 was the cutoff date for getting a first-run copy of Star Odyssey. I can only assume that I was one of the first buyers to secure a second-run copy of the game. Either that or something has gone wrong.

I need to know if my order is still active or if we need to fix something. I'd like to review the game when it arrives.

In the meantime, I was able to play through both Legend of Wukong and Beggar Prince while waiting for Star Odyssey to be sent to me. Hopefully Star Odyssey will have no spike puzzles. I wouldn't mind a spell that drops giant pig heads on the opponents, though.

Thank you for your time.


- Wordsmith VG: A Gamer's Blog

Hopefully this will get me some answers. In the mean time, I'll be lamenting Sega's decision to require three separate power sources for the Sega CD/32X combo.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Crossing the Streams to Inclusion

I hurt so many with my playing.
The sad truth about most of the Ghostbusters video game adaptations is that they are bad, and you FEEL bad while playing them. There was this one time where I got highly intoxicated at a friend’s house and fell asleep in his mother’s china cabinet, my face covered in wet potted plant soil and my pants blissfully missing. When her father finally pulled my twitching body from the cabinet’s cold, wooden embrace, I was told I spent most of the night playing the NES version of Ghostbusters.

I still haven’t forgiven myself. I probably never will.

Another sad truth – one of the saddest truths in video game history – is that all but a measly two Ghostbusters games leave out good ol’ Winston Zeddemore – and one was only released in PAL territories. If you live in America, your only chance to see the oft-forgotten fourth ‘Buster in action is 2008’s Atari adaptation of the franchise for next gen consoles (and also the Wii).

On the NES? No.
Good ol' Winston is one of the most under-appreciated characters in comedic cinema history. As the last Ghostbuster to join the fray against the demons and demigods trashing the semi-innocents of New York City, most viewers see Winston as “the token black guy,” but his appeal – and his merit as a paranormal investigator – go far beyond his genetics. Mr. Zeddemore represents what would happen if the viewer were clad in a silly jumpsuit with an unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to his or her back: While the other three ‘Busters are trying to find ways to take down the ancient evils roaming beneath the city streets, Winston is cashing his paycheck, paying his rent, and praying to the Almighty that he gets out alive and home in time for a beer with his wife. Also, Winston has a really rockin’ mustache, which is indeed the truest measure of a man’s character. So thumbs up to you, Winston Zeddemore, and thank you for all you've done to protect the living from the wrath of the evil dead.

In the meantime, I’m going to go petition Sega to re-release the Genesis/Mega Drive version of Ghostbusters with Winston as a playable character. Then not only would bustin’ make me feel good, it would make me feel like a great wrong had been made right.

UNACCEPTABLE.
Also Peter looks like a scumbag and Egon looks like Billy from the Power Rangers.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

“A Slight Delay” and Other Lies My Super Fighter Team Told Me

Brandon Cobb lied to me.

Cobb, founder of the retro game publishing company “Super Fighter Team,” said in an e-mail July 9 that there would be a “slight delay” in the shipment of the group’s newest old game, Star Odyssey for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. I excitedly threw down the $48 admission fee for the classic cartridge on June 27 – exactly one month ago today.

And one month later, I got nothin’. My Sega is very sensitive about things like this and it feels like it was stood up. If anyone knows a good way to get a moody Genesis/Mega Drive to stop being finicky with audio-visual inputs and start making me dinner again, please PLEASE leave a comment as I am very bored. Also hungry.

But this isn’t the first time that smooth talkin’, retro game slingin’ Brandon Cobb told a fib. He also said that his company’s last 16-bit revival, Legend of Wukong, is fun. It’s not.

It’s horrifying.

The title screen. That thing doing a peace sign in the back is a TIME MACHINE.

While waiting on Star Odyssey to apparently soar to my home from the farthest of galaxies, I thought I’d whet my old-school appetite with The Legend of Wukong. I snagged a copy when it first came out, but thanks to a television set that went out of its way to make Genesis/Mega Drive games look like skillfully arranged legos and chunks of vomit, I decided to put off playing it until now.

Everything starts out okay as a hyperactive 13-year-old named Wukong smashes buttons in a time machine and accidently blasts himself back to ancient China – clearly a very timely and relatable tale. Then The Legend of Wukong plays like a standard RPG for a while… until the first boss.

No matter how many levels you grind, he is nearly impossible to defeat.

Random battle.
  After 70 million attempts though, you’ll eventually take that bear-faced freak for a ride on the pain train. But immediately afterward, the game goes from prohibitively difficult to eye-meltingly easy. Halfway through the bosses aren’t even a threat anymore, and by the final chapter, they’re actually easier to defeat than the normal army of pallet-swapped fiends you and your party must battle every four steps. I took out the final boss in two rounds of combat. He hit me once.

I think Wukong and his friends might have felt a slight tickle.

You might be thinking that I was over-leveled and that’s why things were so easy, but I can guarantee that I wasn’t. You see, despite a counter with four digits, The Legend of Wukong’s cast maxes out their abilities at level 50. There’s no point in fighting the last 10 percent of the enemies you run into, which could have been tolerable if the run command ever functioned as advertized; the enemies always prevent your escape only to be slaughtered. On a serious note, the bizarre inhabitants of the Wukong world would do well to talk to someone about those suicidal tendencies; I recommend Dr. Spaitso.

All maxed out. Same crap happens to your money.

Okay, so The Legend of Wukong wasn’t exactly Super Fighter Team’s proudest moment. But I assure you that their first release, Beggar Prince, fared much better. However, that’s fodder for a different post. In the mean time, I’ll keep looking to the sky (and my mailbox) for Star Odyssey.

And also cooking my own meals. Damn you Brandon Cobb, you home wrecker!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Star Odyssey (Sort of) Delayed!

Perhaps there's no such thing as bad publicity, but it looks like the Super Fighter Team has stumbled on too much good publicity: The day the company's founder, Brandon Cobb, sent out an e-mail promoting the release of their newest retro gaming effort, Star Odyssey for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive, is the same day Super Fighter Team sold out their initial stock.

I'm not sure why Super Fighter Team didn't see this coming given the runaway success of their previous two Genesis/Mega Drive offerings, but according to Cobb, the initial batch of 300 copies of the upcoming RPG was sold out within six days. According to a follow-up message sent to those who ordered a copy of Star Odyssey, quick witted gamers who responded to the initial e-mail blast within a few hours snagged the last copies of the first production run. Cobb's newest e-mail, sent Saturday, July 9, said that purchases made between June 22 and June 27 will be filled in the order received; there will be no delay for these customers.

"[In this case,] the copy or copies that you ordered will be shipped to you as soon as possible," said Cobb.

This battle isn't going so well...

So what happens to those who waited a split second to take their credit card out of their wallet and wound up buying the game after June 27?

"If you placed your order after June 27, there will be a slight delay before your order ships, due to the fact that we must wait for the additional stock of the game to arrive from our factory," Cobb wrote. "It has already been ordered and is currently in production."

In case you were wondering, I ordered my copy within an hour of getting the e-mail on June 27. Though I've spent the last two weeks eagerly checking my mail (and freaking out the mailman), I have yet to receive anything from Super Fighter Team.

Some town.

"I would like to sincerely apologize for the delay in getting the game delivered to you," Cobb wrote. "Though I am the president of Super Fighter Team, I also fill many other roles within the company, one of which is packaging and shipping orders. While Super Fighter Team is a full-time job for me, it is not my only full-time job. My schedule is always filled with work of one kind or another, and though Super Fighter Team often takes first priority, this isn't always possible.

"We hope you enjoy Star Odyssey, and we look forward to hearing your feedback about the game when it arrives. If you have any questions or comments, please feel welcome to contact me directly."

According to the Super Fighter Team website, Beggar Prince, the company's first Genesis release in 2006, sold 1500 copies. Cobb says that The Legend of Wukong, unleashed upon retro gamers two years later, sold 600 copies.

Monday, July 4, 2011

New Sega RPG "Star Odyessy" Revitalizes Genesis Scene

Finally coming to a Sega near you!
Super Fighter Team, the same group of Sega retro-gamers responsible for the Genesis/Mega Drive offerings Beggar Prince in 2006 and The Legend of Wukong in 2008, are at it again! Super Fighter recently resurrected the old-school role playing game Star Odyssey, originally slated for release in the United States in 1991 or 1992 but cancelled for unknown reasons, and released it late last month to eager 16-bit devotees.

You can bet that I ordered a copy as soon as I heard about it. It looks like my Sega's gonna sizzle the summer away even more than I had anticipated. Stay tuned to Wordsmith VG for my thoughts on the game.

Longtime Sega fans might remember Star Odyssey from a handful of blurry screenshots released in the Genesis's heyday. However, the title never materialized.

As of this writing, copies of the game are STILL AVAILABLE.

Here's what Brandon Cobb, Super Fighter Team's founder, has to say about the project:

---

STAR ODYSSEY, our newest role-playing adventure game for the Sega Genesis, Mega Drive and all compatible systems, is now available! Originally released in Japan under the title Blue Almanac, the game was slated for release in English in the early '90s but alas, it was not meant to be... UNTIL NOW. Announcing the first new game to be published  in the classic gaming market in cooperation with a company in Japan:

Super Fighter Team proudly presents Star Odyssey @
http://www.starodysseygame.com/

Battle!

I vividly recall the first time I set my eyes on the ramshackle prototype of Blue Almanac as it had been adapted into pseudo-English. Here I held a game cartridge that few eyes had ever looked upon, despite it having been advertised in the publications of the time. People saw it, and people had interest in it, and despite that? POOF. Gone. Never set right with me for a moment. And that's fine, because Super Fighter Team has made it our job to remedy unfair situations like that one.

As I was putting the finishing touches on the game's new script, I took a look at one of those old press ads for the first time. The phrase "Your Star Odyssey is about to begin!" caught my eyes immediately, locking me in a silent moment of realization. We did it! We took this thing from myth to manifest. As a result, perhaps a few of the people who stared longingly at the blurry screenshots inside those early '90s magazines will now find some pleasant closure. I'm damned proud of that thought.

Buying important equipment.

June 22, 2011: Twenty years to the day after the release of Blue Almanac in Japan. We have done right by Hot-B Co., Ltd., licensing their fantastic role-playing adventure set in the future, and preparing it for a long overdue release worldwide.

We now invite you to enjoy the fruit of that hard work, by visiting the game's official website and ordering a copy.

http://www.starodysseygame.com/

You're sure to enjoy it.

---

Along with WaterMelon Team's original Genesis/Mega Drive RPG Pier Solar, Star Odyssey marks the fourth new game released since 2006 for the system Sega officially discontinued in 1996. So far, it looks like Star Odyssey is a must-have for fans of Phantasy Star and Super Fighter Team's other Sega releases.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Happy Anniversary, Sonic!

With his limitless supply of dopey friends, a bizarre appeal to the freakiest of internet crazies and a facepalm-worthy string of successively worse last and current gen titles, Sonic the Hedgehog has fallen on bad times. But 20 years ago today, the original Sonic the Hedgehog game blasted its way onto the Sega Genesis in North America – and for the first time, Nintendo’s fat plumber had a worthy rival.

On June 23, 1991, Sega’ 16-bit revolution forged one of its brightest stars.

YOU CAN'T CATCH WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE. (No, not chlamydia.)

Created by artist Naoto Oshima, programmer Yuji Naka and designer Hirokazu Yasuhara, Sonic the Hedgehog on Sega Genesis/Mega Drive featured the speed that had been missing from most other platformers of the day. Instead of plodding along looking for secrets and timing jumps with great precision as players were used to doing in titles like Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog encouraged gamers to tear though levels at breakneck speed, stopping for a breather only when a boss appeared. Sonic’s adventure spanned six unique zones, including the lush Green Hill, the bouncy Spring Yard, and the ominous Scrap Brain, home of the evil Dr. Robotnik. Yes, his name is technically “Dr. Eggman.” But that sounds dumb. He’s Robotnik, damn it.

Sonic’s popularity boomed as players all over started noticing Sega’s 16-bit powerhouse for the first time. Finally, Sega had the “killer app” they needed to become a threat to the Nintendo juggernaut; and though the Super Nintendo had yet to hit the market in the United States, it could be said that Sonic the Hedgehog was the first victory in the 16-bit wars that characterized the era. Sonic 1 also planted the seed for Sega’s “gaming with an attitude” campaign, which lasted throughout much of the ‘90s and gave birth to the iconic SEGA! scream.



Notably, the original Sonic the Hedgehog is home to what just might be the worst kept secret in gaming history: The level select code. By pressing up, down, left and right at the title screen, then holding the A Button and pressing Start, players were brought to a screen containing every zone in the game, including the special stage. Perhaps because of its ease of use, the code spread through seemingly every playground and schoolyard in America. Players who used the cheat were likely surprised to find that the zone order in the level select menu was not the same as in the game itself, a curiosity that, we would find out later, was evidence of just how quickly the game was rushed to the market.

I'm out of order? YOU'RE out of... no, wait, you're right.

North American cover art
Sonic’s 16-bit career spanned four titles in the main series on the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive, such as the massively popular Sonic the Hedgehog 2, as well as Sonic and Knuckles, which featured impressive “lock-on technology” wherein players could piggyback S&K with older Sonic titles to create new experiences. Sonic’s other Genesis/Mega Drive offerings included Sonic Spinball, where Sonic was the speedy stand-in for the typical silver sphere in a giant game of pinball; Sonic 3D Blast – aka Flickie’s Island – an isometric experiment in 3D that pushed the limits of Sega’s black box but ultimately provided lukewarm gameplay; and a host of cameo appearances in other Sega titles.

Sonic’s fall was as swift as his rise, beginning with his second Dreamcast appearance. After Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic titles experienced a massive decline in quality. Sega, it seemed, couldn’t recapture the glory of Sonic’s 2D days. Whether Sonic is an outdated hero from a bygone era or if the franchise was handed poorly for the last decade is debatable, but recent Sonic efforts such as Sonic the Hedgehog 4 and Sonic Colors on the Wii were much better received than almost all Sonic games of the mid and late 2000s. Perhaps the upcoming Sonic Generations, for PS3, Xbox 360 and the 3DS, will settle the debate once and for all.

However, this is not the day to think about the future of Sega’s Blue Blur – this is a day to concentrate on his past. Take some time to pick up Sonic’s first crusade against evil today and you’ll see just why a hedgehog of all creatures took the gaming world by storm 20 years ago.

Sonic's so fast, he can run UPSIDE DOWN.

But don’t knock yourself out just yet: The summer of Sega is only just beginning.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Another Sizzlin' Sega Summer

For about the last 12 years - starting right after the death of the 16-bit era and the rise of 3D capable 32-bit systems like Sony's PlayStation and Sega's Saturn - the soothing, searing heat of the summer brings with it my renewed obsession with Sega's Genesis/Mega Drive and its many failed add-ons. During summers past, I've found myself playing through the Phantasy Star series one year at a time; immersing myself in mediocrity with the likes of Cosmic Carnage, the lazer-blasting humming bird Kolibri, and the forgettable "action" RPG Sword of Vermilion; and basking in the warm glow of the Sega CD/Mega CD's many, many full motion video games. Perhaps my greatest pro-Sega project spanned the length of four summers: I created back-ups of the entire North American Sega CD catalogue, spanning about 250 CD-Rs. The madness even included Bug Blasters, Citizen X and all the other nostalgic crap Good Deal Games resurrected in the early and mid-2000s.

Middle: My Sega CD back-up collection.
Top Left: Some Good Deal Games releases.

This summer greets me with limited access to my collection thanks my clever cousin taking up temporary residence in the "Sega room" and my preoccupation with finding a more suitable job. (By the way, did you know that a Master's degree will get you 50 cents more an hour at Best Buy than a Bachelor's? THANK GOD FOR ALL THAT COURSE WORK I DID.) But despite these factors - and my best judgement - I've got Sega on the brain yet again. You can thank the PlayStation Network re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-release of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for getting this little gem stuck in my head for the 6000th time in my life:



In case you've never experienced it, that's theme of the Hidden Palace Zone, the most publicized of myriad cancelled levels in Sonic’s second adventure. I used to sit and listen to this song in Sonic 2's sound test for hours on those lazy summer days, thinking about the "zone that never was." I’d seen a few pictures of a shimmering underground world, mysterious and alluring. What could it have been like? Why was it cut out of the game? Would it ever be finished on the Sega CD?

I guess I was the introspective type even at 10 years old.

Outrun!
This year, my cousin and I recently raged our way through the streets in Sega’s seminal Streets of Rage 2, bringin’ back memories of ass-kickings of old; seeing the manual to Altered Beast right now is making me want to travel back in time and "Wize from [my] Graweve," and I'd like nothing more than to jam out in the nearest graveyard with the killer robot version of Michael Jackson in Moonwalker. As the sun sets over the lush trees in my quiet neighborhood and the birds tweet their greeting to the coming summer season, I know there are epic battles yet to be fought in Eternal Champions: Challenge from the Dark Side, freaky buttons to be pushed and madcap consequences left to pay in Panic! and a plethora of cross country races left to win in Outrun.

I've never understood what it is about warm weather and the sweet scent of 10,000 flowers pouring gently through my window that gets me revved up about Sega's little black box and its uninspired upgrades, but like clockwork every year, the house that Sonic built takes center stage in my gaming world. This summer, grab a cool drink, take up the mighty 3-button controller and  find out for yourself just why the Sega Genesis once again does what Nintendon’t.


Long live Sega's 16-bit battles and the sun's spectacular rays!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A Cruel Summer in the Ice Cap Zone

I don't even know what to say to this.

A song about summer mashed up with the quintessential Sega Genesis/Mega Drive winter level? I think my brains just melted out of my ears.



Didn't Ace of Base make a cover of this song? No, not Ice Cap Zone, the other song we were just -

You know what? Never mind.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Streets of Rage Remake Released After Eight Years in Development; Sega Gets Jealous and Punches it in the Face

If you’re a child of the ‘80s or ‘90s and your parents were awesome enough to let you play video games, you’re probably familiar with an all-but-dead genre that used to command the upmost respect: the beat-‘em-up. If you’re a longtime reader of this blog (or you know how to read back posts), you’ve already seen my forays into beat-‘em-up territory, including games like the vaguely homoerotic Rival Turf!, Capcom’s immortal Final Fight, and of course, David Robinson’s Supreme Court.

SoR1 Blaze
But the beat-‘em-up that really stole my heart (and then bludgeoned it with a steel pipe) was the Streets of Rage series, known in Japan as “Bare Knuckle.” Christmas of 1992 brought me the face-smashing, punk-thrashing joy that is Streets of Rage, one of Sega’s finest offerings. Less than a year later, my buddy Ian, his older brother Eric and I used to spend hours on Streets of Rage 2, pounding our way through the angry hordes and catching up on the latest jokes and dramas of the fifth grade. There was also a third game, but as everyone and his friend Gertrude knows, Sega butchered it for its release outside of Japan. Ian and I didn’t play that one much, but it did add a few cool things to the mix.

After a few aborted attempts at a fourth trip to the mean streets, Sega seemed to have forgotten its once mighty fighting franchise, like so many of its best 16-bit properties. Enter Spanish-speaking programmer Eduard Luna Bolano, better known as Bomberlink, and the greatest fangame ever created: Streets of Rage Remake.

Since its inception in 2003, Street s of Rage Remake was built from the ground up, borrowing not a single line of code from the original Genesis (Mega Drive) trilogy. It features64 enemies from Streets 1, 2, 3 and even some new ones, as well as more than 80 remixed and original songs, 112 stages spanning all three games and 19 playable characters, from SoR 1 Axel and Blaze to Adam, Skate and Dr. Zan. Nearly every character from the series is represented – many with more than one incarnation.

Hey, look... it's EVERYONE!

Streets of Rage Remake plays just like SoR 2/3 and is guaranteed to give you a fangasm – it’s every bit as good as Sega could have made Streets of Rage 4, had they decided to go 2D on the Saturn. In fact, it’s probably even better…

Which might be why Sega shut it down.

That’s right: After more than a decade and a half ignoring the Streets of Rage series – and, in fact, this very fangame – Sega got its panties in a twist when Bomberlink released version 5 of his button mashing masterpiece. Less than a week after it was released, and after Bomberlink had asked and seemingly received permission from Sega to release the game, the Home the Sonic Built sent out a cease and desist letter to Bolano and friends telling them to remove the download link from his website.

Get 'em, Blaze!

So after eight years of work, Sega only now has an issue with Streets of Rage Remake. Normally, this is where I’d provide you a download link to one of the best games ever, but under Sega’s orders, it’s against my morals. As someone who follows the law to the letter, I simply couldn’t tell you where to download Bomberlink’s magnum opus, even if I knew.

Let’s all take a moment to mourn what once was and now is lost. Dear Axel, you’ve punched your way into my heart and been taken from me all too soon.
*   *   *

Yeah, so, I wrote the guide to Streets of Rage 2 about 10 years ago and I have no other place to post it. So... yeah. I hope you like Axel. Feel free to skip this and play SoRR if you somehow found a download link. If you don't love SoR2, just stop reading now. But if you do love it...
 
- AXEL -
 
Axel is the best fighter in the game, due to his hard hitting combos, his useful specials, and his flowing pretty-boy hair. Gotta love that hair.
 
Normal Attacks:

Fury: Tap the B button four times - two quick jabs, a straight punch, and a double kick

The problem with this one is that, much of the time, the second kick of the double kick is lost; it simply doesn’t happen most times. While the second kick is seemingly random, after years of playing SoR2, I think it has to do with the distance you are from your adversary. The distance is hard to get right, so you’re better off skipping the kicks all together and tacking on some other knockdown move, like the Grand Upper. Or, perhaps you could try insulting your enemies instead of hitting them. I find that yelling obscenities at the screen is often more effective that using the controller. …no, wait, that’s what I do to my grandpa when I need money. Bless his wrinkled heart.

Power Blow: Press and hold the B button, then release - Double kick
Here’s that infamous double kick I was talking about. However, when you use the charge version, both kicks occur every time -- regardless of distance. This is good for taking out those annoying Galsias. The only problem is that it takes about a second to charge, so you’re forced to use nothing but back-attacks to keep enemies at bay during that time. Use this move when you’re sure you won’t get in trouble. This best for taking out single fighters in sparsely populated screens. Leave crowd control up to moves like the jump-kick and back throw.

Back-Attack:

Hold B and press C - Back Fist (AKA: The Backhand, Reverse Punch, Axel’s Crappist Attack, etc.)
This isn’t that useful. Come to think of it, none of the back-attacks in this game are, except maybe Blaze’s. Anyway, it doesn’t provide complete protection like the Dragon Wing, but it can save you if there’s someone coming up behind you and you need a quick knockdown. Also, it doesn’t cost you any of your life gauge to use like the Dragon Wing does. Use it if you’re low on energy and can’t do the Dragon Wing instead.

Blitz:

Tap toward twice, then tap B - Grand Upper
This is great. It knocks down attackers, takes off a nice chunk of energy, and is relatively safe. Also, Axel yells something in mangled English when he does this attack that sounds like he’s exclaiming “Grab some pot.” Grab some pot indeed, Axel. See, winners really do use drugs! Well, assuming you’re able to defeat the game.

Jumping Attacks:

Stationary: Tap the C button, then the B button - Vertical Kick
I love this kick, even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s quick, it hits twice, and often it’s a more reliable way to end the normal cycle of attacks with two hits. That’s because, unlike the Double Kick, there’s a much better chance that both hits will register. Just be careful that a Donovan doesn’t uppercut you out of it. Try to do it when there aren’t a bunch of enemies around. You’re pretty open to attack while you’re flailing about in the air like that. Also make sure that you’re close enough for both hits to connect, otherwise one hit misses and the enemy recovers while you’re still in mid-air. Then they punch you because they’re mean like that. If this move is done extremely close to the ground, Axel will only do the knee part of the attack.

Directed Jump Kick: Hold toward, tap the C button, then the B button - Jumping Side Kick
While it doesn’t do much damage, this is great for safely taking out enemies with little health left. It’s also great for crowd control. Just be careful that a Donovan doesn’t uppercut you or a samurai doesn’t kick you out of it.

Down Attack: Hold toward (or remain stationary), tap the C button, then hold down and tap the B button - Knee Press
This is awesome for starting a combo with. It doesn’t knock down like your normal jump kick, so if timed right, the enemy will still be reeling from the Knee Press when you land. Thus, you are free to continue pummeling him or her, as long as they didn’t use some sort of crazy anti-air move on you; the game loves to do that on the harder difficulties.


While Holding an Opponent:

Hold away from the attacker and tap the B button - Back Throw
This throw is Axel’s main weapon as far as crowd control goes. If there’s a bunch of guys coming up behind you, just toss someone into them to knock them all down and buy yourself some time.

Vault over your opponent by grabbing them and hitting the C button (or simply grab them from behind) and press the B button - Body Slam
This one is good for damaging a single enemy and it’s slightly more powerful then the Back Throw. Use it on Galsias to take them out quickly, but don’t waste your effort vaulting if there are too many attackers around – it’s more effective to use the Back Throw.

Grab opponent, wait a second, and press the B button - Power Blow Headbutt
Eh, what can I say? It’s slow, boring and it only does moderate damage. Use something else.

Grab opponent, hold toward, tap B three times - Quarda-Knee
The Quadra-Knee looks cool, but does less damage than the double knee/headbutt combo described below. However, maximum damage is never achieved by following through with the “smash the B button” combos. Follow the first two knees up with a throw to maximize your damage potential. To maximize your earning potential, stop playing video games and get a job.

Grab opponent, hold toward, tap B twice, stop holding toward, tap B - Two Knees and a Headbutt
It’s much better to follow up the two knee strikes with a throw. The headbutt does some nice damage, but it doesn’t have the advantages of a throw. Vault over your opponent and Body Slam them from behind for maximum damage to a single thug, or use the Back Throw to control a crowd.

Special Attacks:

There’s a small health penalty for using a special attack, so use them sparingly.

Stationary: Tap the A button - Dragon Wing
This attack is great for dealing with enemies on all sides. In fact, during the Dragon Wing, Axel is virtually invincible. This attack is the key to defeating many of the more annoying bosses, such as Souther and Jet. Also, if you’re grabbed by a biker, use this to break out.

Directed: Hold toward, and tap the A button - Dragon Smash
This mother is nasty. Axel does a series of punches, followed by a Dragon Punch like move I like to call “Ryu-ripoff-ken.” It does positively *freakish* amounts of damage and is well worth the health gauge penalty for its use, assuming that all the punches connect. Using this when there are a lot of enemies around is a no-no, and bosses like Shiva just laugh at you after the first few hits and knock you out of it. Your back is left completely unguarded during the Dragon Smash, so make sure there’s no one coming up behind you when you use it. Well, unless it’s someone sexy. Then I’d just let them hit me in hopes of getting their phone number after the fighting stopped.

Weapons:

Knife/Ninja Dagger - Only doing a single stab, Axel achieves almost negligible damage with the knife. However, he also scores a very quick knockdown. Use it in a claustrophobic situation to buy time. Otherwise, it’s better off being thrown at a distant enemy. Note: Surprisingly, knives can be somewhat useful against Particle, Molecule and friends at the end of Round 7 – because God knows those damn robots love to throw maces at you, and this might be just what you need to disrupt them. Let the Soya throw a bunch of them on the elevator and save them for the ‘bots.

Lead Pipe - Each cumbersome swing yields decent damage. However, it takes awhile for the swing to actually hit the opponent. Thus, the more advanced your opponent is, the higher the chance you’ll be hit out of the attack before its completion. Use the lead pipe to take out lone Galsias and Donovans, as well as that pesky Col. Mustard.

Katana - This is Axel’s best choice as far as weaponry goes, doing an assload of damage verses all who are unfortunate enough to be caught in its path. However, it takes just about as long to attack with as the lead pipe, so the same precautions should be taken. The risk is worth it for the massive damage.

Bombs - Don’t even bother with bombs. They explode too quickly to be of any use. If you do pick one up, get the hell rid of it and get out of the blast radius. They are truly more trouble than they’re worth, just like relationships and traffic lights.

Combos:

The combos described below are in their complete form. You might find it useful to remove the Knee Press and start the combo on the ground. You may also find it useful to remove one or two of the punches or knee slams in the middle. Technically, you only need one as a stopgap to the next attack anyway.

“Air Raid” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Vertical Jump Kick
This one is quick and does some good damage. You might find it easier to do if you omit the third punch, as it flows easier this way. Tap the B button when you land from the Vertical Jump Kick, and Axel will perform either one or both of his double kicks, (assuming you jumped after the third punch) or his Straight Punch (if you jumped after only two punches). If there’s anyone in front of you at this point, doing this will make them less than happy. Can be confusing to human opponents, but the computer tends to knock you out of the air if you’re not careful.

“Grab Some Pot” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Grand Upper
This combo is fun because Axel sounds like he’s saying “grab some pot” at the end. Also, the Grand Upper will knock down anyone who tries to weasel their way in close to you during the earlier parts of the combo. Pretty powerful.

“Really Stupid Backfist Combo” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, tap away, Backfist
This one is hard to do and fairly useless, just like trigonometry. I included it in the interest of being thorough. The only real advantage is that it scores a knockdown, but so would smashing the B button one more time for the Double Kick. Use it to make the second player think you’re nuts.

“Hyper Dragon Wing” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Dragon Wing
Use this only if you’re suddenly surrounded. Why waste health gauge if you’re not getting attacked from all sides and need a quick way out?

“Hyper Dragon Smash” - Jump in with a Knee Press, tap the B button three times, Dragon Smash
This is Axel’s most damaging combo; it knocks off about 95% of a life bar if done correctly. This is great for bosses who can’t hit you out of it somehow. (Examples: That dastardly Burbon will kick you out of combos, Abadede will eventually throw his arms in the air and knock you out, etc.) The only downside is that it takes off a little of your life gauge to perform. Oh, yeah – and you’ll be helpless against attacks from behind, just like a little kitten. Use with caution or on stupid people.

“Crowds Be Gone” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Back Throw
Good for getting rid of crowds, as well as really screwing over the guy you do the combo on. This should be your weapon of choice when you see some thugs sneaking up behind you as you’re trying to trash someone else.

“Vault ‘n Slam” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, tap the C button to vault over your opponent, Body Slam
Use this if you’re getting tired of using the other ones. There’s nothing special about it, but there’s also nothing wrong with it.

“Multi-Knees of Death” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button three times
Yawn.

“Boring HeadButt Combo” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap B twice, stop holding toward, tap B
It’s okay, but for the love of God, use a throw to end all grapples.

“Grapple Wing” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Dragon Wing
Use this if you suddenly find yourself surrounded while attempting a stronger combo. Otherwise, God knows why you’d use this one when you could be using the…

“Dragon Buster” - Jump in with a Knee Press, grab opponent, hold toward, tap the B button twice, Dragon Smash
This is almost as good as Axel’s “Hyper Dragon Smash” combo, with the added bonus of a slightly quicker execution time. The only problem is the time it takes to perform it, as well as the life gauge penalty. Make sure no one is behind you, then let ‘er rip -- kind of like in real life.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Pier Solar, for Genesis and Mega Drive, has been Released! (Finally)


The first Genensis/Mega Drive game in more than a decade - Pier Solar - has been released, according to an e-mail sent out today from the game's programmers, WaterMelon Team.

"Hello friends of Pier Solar, this email is about preorder id : XXX, packaging : u, Classic Edition.

"Your order has been shipped. You should receive it within 20 days.

"Please note that damaged parcels must be refused at delivery time, we will not refund or exchange any accepted parcels that has been damaged during shipping. Thanks for your understanding."

Uh, awesome! After dropping 50 bucks for a game that was supposed to come out two years ago, if the cart is broken, I'm screwed! Thanks, WaterMelon Team!

Your copy is broken? Oh well; eat my a**.

Pier Solar began life more than five years ago as “Tavern RPG,” a pet project of the Sega fansite, Eidolon’s Inn. What was meant to be a small undertaking blossomed into a full-fledged, 64 MEG role playing game for the Genesis, complete with “asynchronous turn-based battles,” an enhanced CD soundtrack for Sega CD owners and at least five selectable languages, including English and Japanese.

“We hope all those who purchase Pier Solar will gain the very same feeling of excitement [and] joy they had from playing the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis for the very first time,” write the developers on the Pier Solar web page. “We want people who play Pier Solar to experience the same level of enjoyment and pleasure [that] we did from creating it.”

Pier Solar shares its initials with the Phantasy Star series, which is often considered the premier RPG franchise on the Genesis.

In addition to Pier Solar, two other role playing games have been released for the Sega Genesis in the last five years by the company Super Fighter Team: Beggar Prince in 2006 and Legend of Wukong in 2008. Both games were translations of existing Taiwanese cartridges released in the territory during the Genesis’s heyday in the ‘90s.

You can be sure that I'll be around to tell you whether this oft-delayed title was worth the wait!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Note to Vic Tokai, Inc.: Dimwit Duck with Electric Tail ≠ Sonic the Hedgehog

At least the box art isn't
 as bad as Mega Man 1
Socket, known in Japan as Time Dominator 1st, is a shameless, shameless Sonic the Hedgehog clone circa 1993 for the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive. It's yet another "creature-mascot with a radical 'tude!" platformer, and thanks to Sega's Blue Blur, these kinds of games were so plentiful in the early '90s that players used to fill their swimming pools with them and make like Uncle Scrooge with the breast stroke.

The comically-named "Time Dominator," who turns out to be some a-hole manbat with a monocle and a top hat (kind of like Scrooge McDuck, actually) is out to destroy time or whatever! Only electric boyduck Socket, who was apparently dressed by his uncoordinated five-year-old son, can stop TD from, uh, dominating time! Thankfully/unfortunately, there are no whips and chains in this game.

Not many people recall Socket - or even its parent company, Vic Tokai, for that matter - but those who do wish they could send Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to incinerate this game with a conveniently misplaced taker full of highly explosive chemicals.

And I honestly have no idea why.

US Title Screen
Socket isn't going to win any awards for things like originality, control, level design, entertainment value or being anything other than a two-hour time sink that's only slightly better than facing your own awful life, but the hate and humiliation heaped on the doofy looking duck with the electric cord tail is entirely disproportionate to his moderate suckage. Socket's got little going for it aside from some awe-inspiring parallaxed backgrounds and sweet vintage Genesis tunes, but that all ends after the first two worlds. By the time the player speeds into world three, the only thing between him and boredom is the reset button. If you've ever played a Sonic the Hedgehog title, you'll find yourself grinding Socket to a halt at least 700 times by pressing down when he's running in an attempt to roll up in a ball, a la the Blue Streak himself. But just like the hedgehog, if Socket isn't going at least the speed of a time-traveling Delorean, he will crawl up the gentlest of inclines like the most despondent of mental patients. Add to that controls occasionally seeped in rubber cement and frustrating "labyrinth" areas and you've got yourself a 4 out of 10 game, only no amount of beer, liquor or bleach could convince anyone to take it home with them for more than three bucks.

Japan's Title Screen
However, there are some good aspects of this clunker, like a semi-interesting "electricity bar" mechanic similar to the fruit/food idea utilized by Adventure Island on NES and a few Gauntlet style action-RPG games like Dungeon Explorer on Sega CD. The only problem is that Socket is a robot or something (yes, someone dressed him like that on purpose), so he loses electric charge - energy - by performing any task, from jumping to kicking to standing completely still. With each world consisting of a "high speed area," an "athletic area" and the accursed "labyrinth" areas before a boss battle, there's a bit of variety to be had, and the kick attack can be performed without losing speed - an appreciated inclusion. With great music and pleasing graphics, the first 15 minutes of the game harken back to the carefree days where the Genesis ruled the video game heap and my only worry was that school, AKA The Horrible Homework Hut, was going to cut into my Street Fighter II Turbo time. Then Socket becomes a boring, ugly mess, but the beginning was good while it lasted.

Here, I took this blurry screen shot for you. Emulators are over-rated.
A game with a rating of 4 out of 10 isn't really worth berating unless you're me, and I can tell you that there's not enough to rip into here without the positive aspects of the experience taking your article from funny to nostalgic. So why then did Stuart Campbell reportedly give this game the lowest score possible in his Sega Zone magazine review, and why does Ashley Davis have her shorts in a similar twist, digging this one up more than 15 years after it was released and promptly rocketed into obscurity? I guess Davis has an excuse - she was writing for Destructoid's "Games that Time Forgot" series of articles, and at least she was fair. But Campbell... the lowest score possible? Really? Socket/Time Dominator 1st's goofy brand of derivative "fun" simply doesn't deserve that kind of punishment. It's like kicking the fat kid after he tries to sit with the cool kids at lunch and is laughed out of the cafeteria.

You know, I bet this game would have been better received if it had been called Socket: Time Dominatrix 1st instead.

Quack for me, slave! Before I run out of energy from standing still!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

First Original Genesis Title in 12 Years Nearing Release?



Pier Solar, the first original Sega Genesis (Mega Drive) game in more than a decade, might soon be captivating retro gamers in America, Japan and Europe. Read my post at Gaming Life for more details. I must say, I'm excited!

Or if links scare you, here's the full text:

Pier Solar, the first original Sega Genesis\Mega Drive game coded from scratch in at least a decade, is apparently nearing release.

About two years after Water Melon Development, the team behind Pier Solar, began taking preorders, those who reserved the game received an e-mail Monday asking them to confirm their shipping address. Though no official word has come from the game’s developers, the e-mail hints at a release date in the near future.

Pier Solar began life more than five years ago as “Tavern RPG,” a pet project of the Sega fansite, Eidolon’s Inn. What was meant to be a small undertaking blossomed into a full-fledged, 64 MEG role playing game for the Genesis, complete with “asynchronous turn-based battles,” an enhanced CD soundtrack for Sega CD owners, and at least five selectable languages, including English and Japanese.

“We hope all those who purchase Pier Solar will gain the very same feeling of excitement [and] joy they had from playing the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis for the very first time,” write the developers on the Pier Solar web page. “We want people who play Pier Solar to experience the same level of enjoyment and pleasure [that] we did from creating it.”

Though Water Mellon Development stopped taking preorders for Pier Solar last month – they claim that they sold out of the North American, European and Japanese versions of the cartridge – the game may again be made available in small quantities via the Pier Solar website shortly after all reservations are filled.

Pier Solar shares its initials with the Phantasy Star series, which is often considered the premier RPG franchise on the Genesis.

In addition to Pier Solar, two other role playing games have been released for the Sega Genesis in the last five years by the company Super Fighter Team: Beggar Prince in 2006 and Legend of Wukong in 2008. Both games were translations of existing Taiwanese cartridges released in the territory during the Genesis’s heyday in the ‘90s.

Below is a video of Pier Solar in action, including the Genesis cart accessing the Sega CD for the soundtrack:

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Batman Forever: Soulless Silicon

I could have baited you with a catchy opening sentence questioning whether Acclaim did justice to the Batman Forever license with this game but I’m not going to lie to you or waste your time. The Batman Forever video game for Sega Genesis (Mega Drive) and Super Nintendo just plain sucks.

Ignoring the warning label that many bad video games have – the Acclaim logo – I recently took Batman Forever out of my stack of Genesis games, dusted it off, and plugged it into my system. After being greeted with a lackluster title screen, hearing Two-Face annoyingly exclaim, “If the Bat wants to play, we’ll play!” and skimming over a confusing weapon select screen, someone who looks kind of like Batman appears, surrounded by brown, grainy bricks, ugly gray columns and the occasional steel door. With him is another guy dressed like Robin, but he looks more like your eccentric neighbor wearing his ballet tights. Suddenly, an Arkham Asylum inmate shambles over and, after doing his victory pose a few times, eventually gets around to attacking! Sensing danger, “Robin” pulls out his staff, just like he never did in the film, and whacks the now flipping and kicking villain. But the Dynamic Duo isn’t out of the woods yet! A door to one of the other cells explodes open (huh?) and out pops the same guy Robin just floored. I guess crazy acrobatic ninja inmates never learn!

Wave after wave of the same few digitized villains battle our heroes’ stunt doubles, performing the same few attacks over and over. Acclaim/Probe didn’t even have the decency to change their pallets, so the only difference between enemies of the same type is their woefully dim-witted names. (My favorites are a guy named “Bad Gazz” and a clown named “Bio-Man.”) There are only five normal enemies and four boss-like characters, so the player is likely to grow bored of his or her competition at light speed.



Try as I may, I can’t remember a single tune from this game. I’m holding the box in my hands right now touching it, smelling it and practically begging it to jog my memory – but the only song that comes to mind is from Phantasy Star II. That’s not to say Batman Forever’s music is bad, it just proves that it’s entirely forgettable. (And that Phantasy Star II had some wicked tuneage, but I digress.) Don’t worry, you’ll be able to remember the melodies by the end of the game, because later levels reuse themes from the earlier ones. If that doesn’t say “rush job,” I don’t know what does.

Every time your character grabs one of the Riddler’s question marks, you’re subjected to a tooth grinding “Riddle me this, riddle me that” sound clip. The enemies’ comments aren’t much better: “Forgeddabout it!” yells the stereotypical mobster in a not-so-stereotypical yellow suit. Yet, the player never hears a peep out of the Caped Crusader or the Boy Wonder, aside from a generic “I got knocked over” grunt that every character shares. Throw in a few nonspecific punching noises, and you’ve got the Batman Forever soundtrack.

Holy unresponsive D-pad, Batman! These controls stink! Seeing as how Batman Forever passed through both Acclaim and Probe’s inept hands, it’s not surprising that this game plays a lot like Mortal Kombat. Actually, let me rephrase: This game wants to BE Mortal Kombat. With high and low punches and kicks, a block button, foot sweeps and even the trademark MK uppercut, Batman Forever is the video equivalent of a kid who tries to emulate his older, cooler sibling and fails miserably. Punches and kicks come off without a hitch, but using the grappling hook is a chore and I’m still not sure how to make my character jump down a level. Jump and tap up on the controller and Batman will float across the screen on leather wings. Robin kind of sticks his bum out and starts levitating, though I’ve never quite been able to get that to work in real life. Both moves work about 50 percent of the time and are occasionally paramount to progressing through the game. The result? Lots of senseless falling and backtracking.

Hey, remember that awesome part in the movie where Batman and Robin had to jump over all those exciting crates? Yeah, neither do I, but it’s in this game. There are eight tough stages to slog through, but each one has little to do with the movie. Levels begin in one nondescript location and end in another, so good luck trying to figure out what triggers the onset of the next stage.

Even on easy mode, the game is unforgiving. Locating and disarming a bomb in the circus stage is a confusing process, with enemies appearing randomly and a quick-moving timer working against you. If you’re not lucky, the bomb explodes and you lose a much-need life. (Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb, I guess.) There are some ridiculous jumps in the fifth level an you’ll often find yourself running all the way back to the spot where you fell, only to fall again. So, what’s your reward for sticking out this entire hard, frustrating game? Let me save you some time: “Congratulations! Game complete.”

All of this could have been overlooked if Batman Forever had managed to be fun, but it’s not: The gameplay isn’t just laughable, it’s this game’s killing joke. To be fair, any game where you get to beat up clowns can’t be all bad, and uppercutting and roundhouse kicking your enemies can be fun, especially when you knock them into some sort of environmental trap or off the side of a building. Yet you never feel like you’re doing much damage. Even a bone-shattering blast of Robin’s stealthy staff steals but a fragment of the foe’s life gauge.

To help remedy the monotony of the limited combat system, the programmers added plenty of special weapons to the fighting formula. However, it’s always easier to just kick and punch your adversaries into submission, because trying to use a bat-gadget will get you bat-killed. There are 20 of the little buggers in all, but most of them just freeze enemies for a few seconds. Each gadget is activated with a Street Fighter-like button combination, but the player shouldn’t have to do a Yoga Flame motion to fling a weak gimmick weapon at some schmoe across the screen.


You can drag someone else along with you into this lunacy, but why would you? The controls are so broken in the main game that you’ll find yourself explaining to the other player how to use the grappling hook more often than pounding on the bad guys. It’s a shame too, because there was some real potential for fun here. Instead, it’s just as frustrating – if not more so – as the rest of the game. The versus mode fares better though, because it allows two players to choose any character in the game and mix it up mano a mano. It kind of plays like a crippled Mortal Kombat and offers players a respite from the tedium of the main game.

Some games seem to have a soul – a soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. This is not one of them. Batman Forever has tried my patience, and the only reason it didn’t receive a lower score is because the game can actually be completed if the player can deal with the masses of uninteresting villains and the tiresome gameplay. Avoid Batman Forever if you come across it, but if you simply must see what all the fuss is about, don’t spend more than $2 on it. Save yourself three hours of aggravation and watch the lackluster movie instead; at least when that starts to suck, you can go to sleep and when you wake up, it’ll be over. Better still, dig up some episodes of Batman: The Animated Series for your Dark Knight fix – the worst installment of that show is at least twice as good as this piece of garbage.

I am vengence! I am the night! The Batman Forever game stinks!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Inexplicable Audio of Battle Arena Toshinden Remix

It’s common knowledge among Sega Saturn aficionados, video game collectors and masochists that Battle Arena Toshinden Remix pales in comparison to the original PS1 offering, so I’m not going to waste time telling you that for your own sanity, you should set the game to one round; that Gaia will obliterate unwary players with fire from his tentacles unless you ring him out; or even that the game follows established cannon, with story mode referring to Kayin’s child, Eiji’s White Tiger sword and a bunch of other crap that only fanboys and video game historians care about. Instead, I’m going to talk about the one thing that keeps the aging Battle Arena Toshinden series relevant in the ever-changing gaming landscape: The audio.

Anyone who jumped onto the PlayStation bandwagon in the early day likely has fond memories of tearing into Toshinden’s cast of freaky fighters with his or her speakers a’blazing. Thankfully, the music in Toshinden Remix is the same old soundtrack from the original American cut of BAT, which is to say it’s face-meltingly awesome at best and merely catchy at worst. There’s also a single new tune for the fighter introduced (and promptly forgotten) in this game, and it fits nicely into the rest of the soundtrack. Basically, if you find BAT Remix laying around someplace, you’re probably better off putting it in your CD player than your Saturn.

Those who ignore my warning and venture into the world of Toshinden Remix are in for a world of aural addling. At first all seems well: The in-game grunts and yells are the same as the American version of PS1 Toshinden. The character’s voices are consistent with their nationalities for the most part, so not everyone is jumping around screaming in Japanese like most other fighting games of the era.

Things start going awry in story mode, but it has little to do with the gameplay. Before and after every fight, the player is treated to a horrifying dialogue exchange between the two fighters up at bat (ha, pun). The voiceovers sound kind of like something a group of drunken fratboys would come up with if they turned the sound down on some crappy anime and started doing their own dialogue. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this actually might be the technique employed to “translate” BAT Remix. Worse – or better, depending on your disposition – is that the clip played when the player chooses Kayin sounds like it was ripped from a ‘70s porno flick, which might explain what Kayin says after losing to Ellis in story mode: “How could I be so soft?” Despite it all, I love Kayin’s accent, but that’s probably because I find Uncle Scrooge of Ducktails fame irresistible.

Aside from the rockin’ tunes and hilariously bad voiceovers, the only reason anyone would play Battle Arena Toshinden Remix is for a history lesson or to compare this game to the PS1 original. Either that or you’re some sort of raging Toshinden fan, but I’m pretty sure both of you already have this game. In any event, as Uncle Scrooge would say, “Bless me bagpipes!” which makes no sense in this context, but it is slightly racist, just like BAT Remix’s voiceovers. Hooray!

Thanks Uncle Scrooge!

HEY KIDS! Listen to Eiji's Theme from Battle Arena Toshinden Remix

Listen to the theme of Cupido, the Battle Arena Toshinden Remix exclusive character