Experts Debate: Is Mortal Kombat Da Hypest Game?

With Osama Bin Laden finally taking a dirt nap thanks to a U.S. attack on his compound, I can finally turn my attention to the other thing I’ve been waiting on for nearly a decade: a new Mortal Kombat title worth playing.

Ads in the '90s were... wierd.

The evolution of the series has been rocky to say the least. Though the original arcade game caused quite a stir among players who had mastered Street Fighter II and craved something new and unique, many of the home conversations of the title didn’t fare well. For example, the Super NES version of Mortal Kombat cut out much of the violence that made the arcade game a hit. Also, like much of the software for Sega’s ill-fated CD console, MKCD got a lot of bad press. From what the reviewers at the time said, the game was some sort of hellish abomination that, when not in use, flew from the Sega CD and stalked the elderly, decapitating them in their sleep and stealing their medications to sell to small children as candy. A few years later when everyone though the MK formula was dead, parent company Midway killed it again with a decent but unsatisfying combat system that would carry the ailing franchise through the rest of the PlayStation 2/X-Box era.

Then they added Superman as a joke during a lunch break one day and everyone took it seriously.

Pow! Biff!

With the ninth entry in the series, known simply as Mortal Kombat, released the day before Sony handed out millions of customers’ personal information to a cyber trick-or-treater (April 19), it seems that I might get my wish for a fun new MK title. I haven’t had a chance to play MK9, but based on the intelligence gathered by the U.S. governments’ Gaming Information and Defense Department, it looks promising. However, I decided a long time ago that I would withhold my excitement until the world’s top scientists – the ones in the whitest lab coats – answer a single question: Is the new Mortal Kombat title indeed da hypest game, or has series co-creator Ed Boon made a FATALITY fatal error for a fourth time in a row?

According to a peer-reviewed Youtube video by a scholarly gentleman named gmcfosho, Mortal Kombat is indeed da hypest game. Gmcfosho, a celebrated lab technician and intellectual hero, used math, beakers, pipettes and whatever occult magic scientists envoke to determine the hype levels in MK9, and lab results prove that it is, in fact, da hypest game.

“I don’t even know how to play this game,” he said, “but it’s hype.”

After attacking Mileena, a horrific alien disguised as an ordinary Earth-skank, with Johnny Cage’s “nut punch,” gmcfosho proclaimed, “Ohh! I punched her in… in the gonads! That’s what girls got.”

He added later, “Mortal Kombat! Everything! Uppercuts!”

I urge you all, in the name of education, to watch Mr. gmcfosho’s enlightening film. His dedication to finding the truth through the scientific method is nothing short of inspiring.



TEST YO' MIIIIGHT!