Halloween Games Round-Up Vol. 2 and a Sad, Sad Confession

Dear Wordsmith VG readership,

I have a confession to make: In less than one week, I will be 28 years old. Tonight, I am dressing as a ninja and totally going Trick-or-Treating. Not with a small child. By myself. I am approximately the height of a hobbit, so no one will suspect a thing.

DO NOT DISHONOR YOUR FUTURE TEACHER WITH
YOUR PATHETIC OFFERING OF SMARTIES.

If you see this Trick-or-Treater at your door, give him LOTS of candy, or he’ll fail your child in English class when he finds a teaching job.

Love,
Matt

Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest (NES): What game gives you the option of carrying around hearts, eyeballs, finger nails, and other morbidly awesome body parts of Count Dracula? The answer: Only Castlevania II! Aside from being one of the best action games available on the NES, it also spawned the immortal phrase, “What a horrible night to have a curse.” Play this game. NOW. I command it!

From the manual. Note the puntastic descriptions.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (NES): The movie series has had its ups and downs, but as a whole, it’s a lot of fun. Nothing beats Johnny Depp being eaten by a demon bed, Freddy bleeding something that looks a lot like Mountain Dew, livestock running around in Freddy’s basement, and Heather’s suspiciously orange skinned mother - and that’s just in the first movie.

This is the red teen. There is also a blue one.

The NES game, however, leaves a bit to be desired. The player takes control of one of four teenage boys, each dressed in one of the primary colors. Their job is to enter houses in random order and possibly fight Freddy, or possibly fall down a hole repeatedly. According to an old issue of Nintendo Power, you were supposed to be able to play as Freddy himself in this game. Needless to say, millions of children have been disappointed ever since.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Atari 2600): The original movie is pretty entertaining and a good choice for a Halloween night movie. Steer clear of the sequels, though: The only thing scary about them is how hard they make you want to vomit for spending your money on them.

FATALITY! Yeah, that's a toy truck in the background.

The Atari 2600 title of the same name is pretty badass, in the fact that the player is given the opportunity not to play as a hero, but as Leatherface himself. The object of the game is to slice off as many little girl heads as you can wrap your chainsaw around. Taking into mind this fact alone, Texas Chainsaw Massacre is probably the best movie to game adaptation EVER.

'Cause I'm too lazy for a screen shot.

Vampire Hunter D (PlayStation 1): I guess this PS1 game is okay – it's a generic 1998 3D action title – but really, you should be watching the movie instead. The animated cult classic features a dark hero with a talking hand that eats dirt, an agile but wardrobe impaired heroine, and Dracula exploding someone’s head. Nothing rocks harder than Dracula exploding someone’s head, and as such, it occurs only once in this movie. (This, for those keeping score, is exactly one more time than every other movie ever.) It’s a lot like Titanic, only with Dracula and lots of killing. Fun for the whole family over 18.

This is the scariest picture I could find to end this article. GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DAMN KIDS!

Sink Your Teeth into Castlevania, Part III: Aria of Sorrow

Even the grittiest, most weathered of Castlevania fans has at some point asked him- or herself, “How many whip-toting vampire killers can I play as before I lose interest in the series I love?” Also, “If a bug crawls up my nose, could it bite my brain?” Though it might seem like Konami is willing to churn out the same product over and over again with a different set of clothes, it looks like they were wondering the same thing: Yes, you need to protect your nostrils while you sleep if you value your plump, delicious brain. Also, playing as a whip wielding character 100 times over might wear thin after a while, just like Family Guy’s irreverent brand of “humor.”

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow – the last game in the GBA “Metroidvania” trilogy – inserts a metal pole in the spokes of the established Castlevania cannon, taking place three decades in the future and focusing on swords and blunt weaponry instead of the immortal Vampire Killer whip. Like 1994’s Castlevania: Bloodlines and several other key games in the franchise, Aria takes a decidedly different path than its whip crazy comrades and provides yet another excellent action-adventure romp though Dracula’s horrible home.

If you’ve been taking my advice, you’re already whipping your way through Circle of the Moon and Harmony of Dissonance. Good for you, but know that your greatest transportable triumphs await you in the final CV title for the GameBoy Advance.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow is the most recent Castlevania on GBA and is very similar to the PlayStation classic Symphony of the Night. The year is 2035. Effeminate high school student Soma Cruz and his childhood friend are knocked unconscious during a solar eclipse and awaken in Dracula’s castle, and it is up to Soma to get them out. Along the way, the player comes face to face with the largest, most screwed up CV cast the ol’ GameBoy Advance has to offer; anyone with a background in classic gaming will immediately recognize that Yoko is a descendant of Castlevania III’s slick sorceress Sypha Belnades and Mr. Arikado is the poorly-disguised hero of a few other CV games. Just say “Arikado” out loud. Now, pretend you’re a native of Japan and do it again. Get the picture?

As I mentioned before, the biggest shock to fans of previous Castlevania titles is that the main character does not wield the Vampire Killer whip. This time around – just like Symphony – the player can equip many different types of weaponry, ranging from small daggers and a mammoth sword that takes up half the screen to a thoroughly un-Castlevania pistol. Castlevania purists will be glad to hear that when one finishes Aria of Sorrow, he or she is given the chance to play through again as the whip-weilding Julius Belmont, or they can start the game over with all the weapons and items acquired in the previous file.

My bones, your bones, OH CRAP bones!

Aria of Sorrow’s plot borders on clever and is the best of the GBA trilogy. There are multiple endings to this game, similar to Harmony of Dissonance. The only problem is that they are obtained in seemingly random ways, just like Silent Hill 2. I suggest looking online for the methods.

The graphics are even better than Harmony, with super detailed backgrounds and big, scary monsters. However, your character remains small in comparison with everything else. Oh well; I guess you can’t have it all. Also, Konami has learned not to mess with a good thing, as evidenced by the familiar controls. The only change is that the R button does special attacks and the L button activates special abilities. And much to the distain of old-schoolers, the soundtrack has returned to the high quality music found in Circle of the Moon, though most of the tracks aren’t very memorable. In addition, the sound effects are a slightly better than the previous titles.

There’s doubt about it: Aria of Sorrow is the best of the GBA Castlevania trilogy and it stands up to the test of time. While we’re waiting for Lords of Shadow to blow our minds and the Nintendo 3DS to bite what’s left of our brains with a fantastic new Castlevania title, do yourself a favor and take a gander at the GBA Castlevania legacy. Remember: Whether you do it on an NES, GBA or a PS3, beating the heck out of Dracula simply never gets old.

Sink Your Teeth into Castlevaina, Part II: Harmony of Dissonance

Sometimes waiting around is hard work. Like a father in a delivery room, a wife trying to stay calm during her husband’s critical heart surgery, or a FPS superfan trying to contain his excitement for Duke Nukem Forever over the past 13 years, the last two weeks before the release of Castlevania: Lords of Shadow on the Xbox 360 and PS3 is excruciating for many of the Castlevania faithful. But instead of getting your fangs in a twist, why not play some of the older CV titles you already have, starting with the good ol’ GameBoy Advance trilogy?

Yesterday we examined Castlevania: Circle of the Moon and I spewed forth my love and admiration for it like a mighty fire hose. So all of you went out, found a copy and are playing it now, right? Well PUT IT DOWN and take a gander at the next of the GBA ‘Vanias here on Wordsmith VG. Now distract your elderly neighbor with a festive Autumnal Equinox dance while you steal her Social Security check, “borrow” a cement mixer from the construction crew down the street, and make a b-line though an elementary school to the nearest used games shop so you can complete your portable CV package today!

In Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance, the second Castlevania game for GameBoy Advance, the unfortunately dressed vampire hunter Juste Belmont learns from his childhood buddy, Maxim, that one of their mutual friends was kidnapped… by demons or something! Gasp! Predictably, the duo dashes into Dracula’s newly resurrected castle to rescue their princess.

Harmony retains the intriguing backgrounds of Circle and slightly increases the size of the main character and the other enemies. The bosses are still huge and detailed, but with his snazzy red leisure suit jacket, poor Juste looks more like a circus master than a vampire hunter. It seems that’s par for the course, however, given the fact that Circle of the Moon’s main character looked like a shmoe compared to his rival Hugh.

Run! Run! Or you'll be well done!

In order to cram so much into the graphics, Konami apparently wrote the soundtrack to this game with the same software they used for 1985’s Yie Ar Kung-Fu; Harmony of Dissonance sounds more like Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest than it does Circle of the Moon. Tinny, mono midi music fills my dark heart with joy because I grew up with NES games taking precedence over things like friends, school and eating. Fools who started gaming in the PlayStation era or later think I’m crazy and prefer the symphonic sound of Circle of the Moon, but they also suck at hardcore platformers and go crying to mommy when there’s no save function. So there’s that.

The controls are basically the same as Circle, which is a good thing. The only difference is that the run function was replaced with a dash that’s performed with either of the shoulder buttons, saving a little wear-and-tear on your thumb.

Take that!

The excellent gameplay continues to revolve around exploring Dracula’s abode, only this time, there are two castles instead of one. Thankfully there are a few shops scattered throughout the castles, meaning that if you can’t find any decent armor or items, at least you can buy something before getting your head handed to you in a decisive battle. The only problem is that this game is a wee bit easy: I was able to plow through it in 8 hours, and if you weren’t concerned with being thorough, you could definitely do in Dracula in 5 hours or less. Oh well; at least you get to play through the game again as Maxim after you finish it once.

Despite all of its similarities to Circle of the Moon, Harmony of Dissonance has a different feel and a style all its own and I ever-so-slightly prefer it over Circle. It’s a little hard to find, but if you do come across it, pick it up. And if you’re really lucky, you might find the CV double pack that features both Harmony and the next game, Aria of Sorrow, in one convent cartridge.

So what could possibly top a renegade ringmaster whipping the undead out of that nefarious nosferatu, Dracula? …Would you believe some emo teen from 25 years in the future? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of the GBA Castlevania trilogy here on Wordsmith VG!

Sink Your Teeth into Castlevania, Part I: Circle of the Moon

If we’re to believe typical Castlevania lore, Dracula is resurrected every hundred years or so. Sometimes, a foolish villager, a long lost relative, a dark priest, or an angry countess brings him back to life before the hundred years have passed, and one time, Dracula just got sick of waiting and resurrected himself. Whatever the case, when Drac is back on the prowl, it’s usually up to a descendent or friend of the legendary Belmont clan of vampire hunters to rise up and kick Dracula’s undead rear end using the mythical Vampire Killer whip.

Over the last decade, Konami gave the Gameboy Advance some love with three CV titles, each done in the “Metroidvania” style made popular by everybody’s favorite Castlevania classic of the late ‘90s, Symphony of the Night. With Castlevania’s latest outing, Lords of Shadow, mere days away, and before we all start playing games in 16 dimensions with Nintendo’s 3DS (which will almost inevitably give birth to a next-gen reimagining of the classic whip-toting series), and let’s take a bloody gander back at these portable ‘Vanias of the past.

Castlevania: Circle of the Moon was one of the first GameBoy Advance games and it remains one of the best. After being cut off from Master Baldwin though the trickery of that darn Dracula, young Nathan Graves is left alone in the D-man’s castle with nothing but the legendary Vampire Killer whip, a few acrobatic tricks and nerves of steel. That’s basically the whole story; there are a few ho-hum conversations between Nathan and Master Baldwin’s son, Hugh, but that’s about it. Also, Hugh gets a cool trench coat and your character doesn’t. Darn you to heck, Konami!

The backgrounds are detailed and interesting, but your character is rather small onscreen and normal enemies suffer the same problem. Bosses, however, are huge and intimidating, taking up an entire screen or more. In the same vein, the sound is phenomenal for a handheld game from the early 2000s. The music uses high quality samples and many tracks are remixes of old Castlevania themes; if you’ve been playing CV titles since the president was kidnapped by ninjas and subsequently saved by two bad dudes, the tunes will make the whip-crackin’ memories come flooding back to you. The sound effects are standard whipping and jumping noises; nothing special, but they get the job done.

Ol’ fangface is in trouble, because the controls are responsive and easy to master. There’s a jump button, an attack button, a magic button and a special attack button. The only problem is that you have to double-tap a direction to run, which quickly leads to a sore thumb.

Like many other games in the series, Dracula’s castle is huge, and as the player gains more abilities, you can see more and more of it. Gaining experience points allows your character to gradually grow stronger, and sometimes when you defeat certain enemies, you’ll receive a piece of armor, a special restorative item, or a magic card. Nearly a decade later, however, players are used to forgiving battle systems and in this game, it’s random: Sometimes the outcome of a fight will be determined by a piece of armor you may or may not have grabbed from some ugly skeleton.

Similarly, by combining two magic cards, you can cast a spell. If you’re unlucky, you might not have the cards you need to cast a critical spell. A shop somewhere within the walls of Dracula’s castle would have probably led to a few more people playing this one to completion. Also if the game sprayed vodka from the GBA speaker, but that would have dulled the experience ever so slightly.

Despite its flaws, Castlevania: Circle of the Moon is a great game. If you’ve still got a GBA or compatible DS lying around and you crave some bloody action on a budget, this is the title for you.

But wait! There’s two more Castlevanias for your portable pleasure! How do they stack up against Circle of the Moon? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z! …er, Wordsmith VG!

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to Reboot Series with Star Fleet Captain and Man Who Hides in Boxes

When I woke up this morning (okay, afternoon), the first thing I thought was that the next Castlevania game would be awesome if it starred Professor Xavier from the X-Men movies and Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. That’s why I was so happy to see that Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, due out Oct. 5 for the PS3 and the Xbox 360, will feature the voice talent of everyone’s favorite Shakespearean actor turned nerd magnet, Patrick Stewart! It’s not quite as awesome as Xavier fighting alongside Picard, but it’s exciting nonetheless.

Apparently, Lords of Shadow is being worked on in some capacity by Hideo Kojima of Metal Gear Solid fame. That means the cut scenes will probably be excessively long and confusing, and since this game is supposed to reboot the series, the main character will likely be called Solid Belmont and hide in a lot of crates during gameplay.

Speaking of reboots, the only reason to do away with all the Castlevania lore of the past 24 years is that sadsack Wii game, Castlevania Judgement. But even that headache wasn’t awful enough to erase great characters like Simon, Trevor and Richter Belmont, Alucard, Eric Lecarde and Soma Cruz. After Lords of Shadow, I’m afraid the coming years will bring us sissy reimaginings of all those legendary Castlevania protagonists – well, except for Soma Cruz; he already looks like a wienie.

I’ll give this game the chance it deserves, but I can’t shake the nagging feeling that after a few games in the Lords of Shadow timeline, Konami will suddenly start back up with the old one. In the mean time, go watch the E3 ’09 trailer for the 19th time.

Watch E3 '09 Lords of Shadow Trailer at YouTube

Castlevania HD is a Pain in the Neck

View my thoughts on Konami's newest Castlevania title over at Gaming Life. I'm one of the staff writers there, so for more of my wonderous gaming wisdom, stop by Gaming Life once in a while.

Or, if clicking a link is too hard for you, here's the full text:

I’m doing my best to enjoy Castlevania: Harmony of Despair, Konami’s new Xbox arcade title starring Alucard and a host of other CV Legends, but it looks like Dracula and his minions might win this battle.

Harmony of Despair eschews the “Metroidvania” style of recent Castlevania titles in favor of gameplay that more closely resembles the original level-based NES offerings. Experience points have also bit the dust, so it’s up to the player’s action skills alone to keep them afloat. However, the conventions of games like Symphony of the Night aren’t entirely left behind: The player can upgrade his or her equipment by finding new weapons and armor strewn about the playing field, and consumables, like the series’ trademark cuts of meat, can be carried and used when needed. From one to six players can join in the action via Xbox Live, which proves to be the title’s main draw.

Sadly, there’s really nothing “HD” about this game despite its title. I’m using a 1080p TV and though the game looks good, it’s not exactly eye-popping. The same tired graphics we’ve been seeing since 1997’s PS1 classic Castlevania: Symphony of the Night litter the screen, augmented with enemies nabbed from other Castlevania titles. I’m an old school gamer and a sucker for sprite-based visuals, but there’s nothing retro about graphics we’ve all encountered on our DS consoles as late as 2008’s Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia.

The visual settings are libel to leave you scratching your head as well. The “native” setting allows the player to see the entire level on their TV screen all at once, but it offers a heinously tiny view of your character that’s only playable on the most gargantuan of monitors, like the one in Time Square. Plan on setting the game to at least x2 if you hope to have any fun.

When it comes down to it, were it not for the frantic six-player action, there would be nearly no reason to play C: HD. It’s easier to forgive the game’s flaws when you’re busting demon skulls with five other players, but keep this in mind: Six guys having fun with a flawed game still leaves you with a flawed game once the controllers have been put aside.

Even as a moderate Castlevania freak, it’s difficult for me to recommend purchasing Castlevania: Harmony of Despair. All but the most hardcore Castlevania fans and 2D action junkies will get much mileage out of this one. But don’t do this game a disservice and skip it entirely: Download the demo on Xbox Live and see for yourself if this game is worth sinking your teeth into.

Falling In Love Again with Castlevania

Ahh, Castlevania. How you used to frustrate me in my bright-eyed NES days with your impossible jumps and chunky controls. Every set of stairs was another potential death trap and jumping was always a leap of faith. And yet, I still loved you. But like the shining brilliance of a shooting star, our romance soon burned out. It was just puppy love, we thought. Time to move on.

Four years later, I heard about the newest Castlevania game, this time on the Sega Genesis. But Castlevania: Bloodlines, I was told, was not worth playing. “It’s not Super Castlevania IV!” exclaimed the masses, “therefore it isn’t fun!” But something inside me just couldn’t let it go, and I was drawn to that new Castlevania game anyway. I learned two things the day it finally found its way to my Genesis: the masses are pretty dumb, and Bloodlines is freakin’ awesome.

The sloppy controls of Castlevanias past have vanished; in their place is a responsive layout that hardly ever has my hero careening into a bottomless pit unless it’s my own stupid fault. The graphics are detailed and creepy, with rotting flesh, severed heads and bloody skeletons populating some of the most interesting locations early 20th century Europe had to offer. And let me tell you, that sunset over the lake in the second stage is permanently etched into my mind as one of the greatest video game moments of all time: Even with the Genesis’s limited pallet, the colors of the setting sun are brilliant. Combined with the urgency and hope inherent in the soundtrack, Bloodlines establishes a sort of heroic duty within the player that lasts throughout the offering.

Awesome!

Huge, detailed monstrosities await players who dare to infiltrate Dracula’s strongholds, leading to some truly epic – and often unexpected – battles. But perhaps the greatest surprise is that the standard whip-toting character, John Morris, is no where near as fun to use as his spear-wielding comrade, Eric Lecarde. As Eric, you can vault up to higher platforms in a single controller motion! You can spin your lance around and use it as a makeshift shield, shredding the undead (and innocent candles) with ease! You can finally stab demons where it hurts instead of just whacking them with a vaguely taboo piece of leather!

It’s great fun to square off against massive bosses, tear all manner of snarling fiends limb from limb, and find the rancid meat that Dracula hides in his walls. The only problem is this: Though by 1994 standards it was about average length, some might say that Bloodlines is kind of short. However, in the age of 200-hour-long epics that require refresher courses every time you play, a quick and moody action romp from the past might be just what the doctor ordered. Besides, both characters have their own somewhat different path though the game, a la Sonic and Knuckles, and there are three difficulty settings, so there’s still plenty to do after you finish the game for the first time.

Without a doubt, Bloodlines was, and still is, a great game. When I first played it, I couldn’t put the controller down for hours. And that’s when I knew I had fallen back in love. Hard.

I’ll never leave you again, baby. Never again.