A meteor crashed a little ways off from my house after I had gone to sleep last night and just like any red-blooded 13-year-old boy made of clay and telephones, I went out to investigate. Even though Mom normally wouldn't have let me out of the house and I wouldn't want to leave at night anyway, we both kind of knew that I should go. I mean, at times like this, kids like me should be home playing Nintendo games, right? But tonight felt... different.
Long story short, the meteor turned out to be some sort of rocket ship from the future or something and a bee-like creature named Buzz Buzz told me that I need to protect the world from an alien invasion led by the Universal Destroyer, Giygas. Just like the feeling Mom and I got when left the house earlier, I sensed that Mother Earth seriously needs my help.
Then we were attacked by a giant metal time-traveling alien that shot death beams. It was kind of like Terminator, only there was no naked Arnold Schwarzenegger and I almost lost an arm.
Thanks, Buzz Buzz!
In the morning I grabbed my father's old Polaroid camera; after all, if I'm going on a journey I might as well document it. It's not like photographers just fall from the sky or anything. Then I tried to figure out what a hero should wear while saving the world.
If I had known that I was humanity's only hope for salvation, I'd probably have done another load of laundry first. Then again, I only own one shirt.
Mom insisted on taking my picture in front of our house before I left. She said she wanted something to remember me by. After she reminded me to phone home once in a while, I stepped out to start my adventure.
I bet I'm going to die, but at least I'll be buried in this cool shirt.
Here's Onett, my hometown. This is what it looks like from up on the hill near where the meteor landed.
Right after I snapped that shot, I heard something snarling. As I spun around, the camera when off, blinding the runaway dog that had crept up behind me. I had just enough time to whack it was my trusty baseball bat. With the hit I gave it, that dog should have keeled over and played dead for the rest of eternity, but instead it just became tame and walked away. It also dropped a bread roll which I immediately ate, because it's always a good idea to eat things that wild, stray animals have been carrying around in their disease ridden pieholes.
Since Buzz Buzz hadn't been too keen on exactly what I should be doing, I walked up to this house and knocked on the door, thinking that maybe if I asked around, someone might have experienced something related to this Giygas character.
"A Beatles song: 'XXXterday,'" says a voice from the other side of the door.
Uh, what?
"Yes or no?" asks the voice.
"Yes or no?" asks the voice.
Yes?
"That's right!" says the voice. "A Beatles song, 'Yesterday.'"
Thank you?
A little ways down the street, I discovered a seaside property on sale for only $7500! Considering that I've seen bracelets and frying pans that cost more than that, it looks like a pretty solid deal.
Someone tipped me off that the local ruffians, The Sharks, might have some information that would help me out. After a few less-than-hospitable encounters with members of the gang, I went to their hangout, the arcade, and demanded to see their leader, Frank. Maybe we could work things out.
Frank tried to stab me and, when I showed him the ways of peace with my giant bat, he sent a massive wooden robot to kill me. Maybe if that robot had been wearing an awesome straw hat, it would have been a threat. Instead I just smashed it and it let out a cloud of steam before falling apart. Then Frank got all friendly and affectionate and asked me to take a nap with him in the grass behind the arcade.
That's when I decided to go.
After hearing that I trashed The Sharks, Onett Mayor B.H. Pirkle was more than willing to give me the key to the traveling entertainer's shack near the edge of town, as long as I didn't tell anyone about it. According to my Player's Guide, that's where I would find my first "Your Sanctuary" location that Buzz Buzz had been going on and on about before Pokey's mom smashed his guts out.
Behind the shack was a huge, awesome cave filled with bugs and mice. It was so awesome, I didn't take ANY pictures of it. By the time I got to the cave's exit and squashed a really, really, big ant, I found this:
Despite the fact that whatever made this footprint is big enough to eat my head like a delicious Tic-Tac, seeing it made me feel really calm. I even daydreamed about my dog, King, when we were both really little.
For some reason, making it back through the cave wasn't nearly as difficult as before...
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