|Ahh! ...those teeth are HORRIBLE.|
It's almost Halloween again, Charlie Brown!
Instead of dressing up like Gandhi and egging your neighbor’s tool shed or getting intoxicated at some lame party this All Hallow's Eve, why not do something worthwhile and lock yourself in your room with the following Halloweenful video games. Each is guaranteed to chill you to your very soul! Bwa, ha, ha! Or at least they'll be about vampires or something, which is more than I can say about most local bars.
Also, the picture above, known as "smile.jpg" or "smile.dog," carries a horrible curse that's suspiciously like the plot of The Ring, only much scarier because it doesn't involve some ugly little girl who hangs out in wells/TV sets and really needs to brush her teeth. Supposedly, anyone who sees Smile.dog goes CA-RAZY AND DIES or something! I'm already crazy, and thus, am immune. Enjoy your insanity; it'll enhance your gaming experience.
Anyway, let the games begin!
|If you can't tell what's going on here, maybe you shouldn't bother with the game.|
|That there was a dog; this one ain't smiling.|
|It appears to be made of shredded cheese.|
Later incarnations of the series feature more action and less horror, which worked out just fine - unless you're talking about scary games.
Friday the 13th (NES): You might remember that I talked about this gem before, but it bears repeating: This original Nintendo game is actually scarier than the movies. For one thing, the music freaks you out and random Jason encounters leave you paranoid; you’re always terrified that he’ll jump out at you in the woods and kill your character. The other reason F13 so scary is that it’s one of the worst games ever made. It’s frustrating, ugly, and boring. And yet, I love it. Go figure.
|That's you, in the purple, vs. Jason... also in purple.|
Blood (PC): Blood is what Duke Nukem 3D would have been if the guys at 3D Realms were really, really into slasher flicks. In fact, it shares its game engine with good ol' Duke, and despite its mushy controls, Blood is a great example of an early first person shooter done right. Time and cash limitations prevented me from finishing this one when I was a kid, but one day I'll tackle the whole game... maybe THIS HALLOWEEN.
|Take THAT, random zombie!|
Costume Quest (PS3): This game was recently released via PlayStation Network, and despite the fact that it was made by THQ, it's actually pretty fun. When the main character's sibling is kidnapped by mentally deficient zombies, it's up to you to save them! Each costume the player obtains has its own special ability to utilize in Costume Quest's RPG battles, which are reminiscent of Xenogears for the PS1, only I don't want to hurt myself after playing THQ's humorous take on Halloween gaming. Do yourself a favor and download the demo.
|Yep, it's Costume Quest.|
After hearing about all these choice games, if you’re still thinking about going to some lame party and getting drunk this Halloween, consider this: Waking up next to one of these titles the following morning does not require you to awkwardly ask for its phone number.
And for those of you worried about that "curse" I put on your earlier, don't sweat it. That picture has been proven to be Photoshopped; just look at the dog's mouth and you'll see the same few teeth copied and pasted three times. Last time I checked, demons didn't know how to use photo editing software. So it's not like there's a real curse or anything; it's just a bunch of pixels. Here, look again. Same as before:
|Ahh! ...Those teeth are still horrible!|
See? Nothing evil about it. In f̡̜̳͖̲͇̗̩a͍͉̹̣͂ͅͅc̞̄͌tͯit's a ͙̹͝f͛͆ͨ̔ͥ̇̚a͍̮̪̬̯̱ͮ͌̓ͭͦ͛ͬl͕͑͐̌͒ͩ̍l͙̱͚̝ͬḁ͎̹ͮc̯͚̪y͖̱̦̙̟̺͕̽̐̈́̀:
Quite ͍̩̱͙̟͓p͚̔ͭ͐͗ͣ̚̚͞l̛͇̼ͬͯ̌a̼̕ỉ̞͙̖̌ͬ͑ͩ͛̄ͅn͓͔͕͇͕ͣͬͪͅl̵͉͈̹ͪͯ̅ͭ͂̌̋y̗̻͊ I̺̹͐̍͐̈,̘͓̤̺̹͒̔ͦͣ͜ ͙̖̙̳̰̼̫͛͌̐̌̇f͙͚̤ͫͭ͛͂̄o̯̜͍͍ͦ̏͢r̖̩͑ͪͤ ̞̣̞̲͈͖͒̆̏ͬ̓͜o̰̝̯͍̪̹̤̐̔n̠̜̣̫̗̏̒͒͌͐ẽ͚͔̘̜̥̊ͬͥ̐͂̈,͙͙͈͝ ̃̿̃ͥ̇̇͏̙̦͇̝͍w̥̟͕̫ͨ̊́̕ͅȍ̲̗̪̤̬ͣ̆ͤu̹̠̳̟̓l͚ͫ̑̽ͬ͗ͥ̓d͕̙̝͓̪͉͉ͭͬ̍ͣ̚ ̤̠̰̖̼͍͒͜l̗̼͕̯͍̋i̗̝̘̔̂͛ͨ͞k͊͏͇̜̝ͅe͠ t̥͛̈͊ͥͩ͐͠ö̦͉͉̲͕́̊̃ ̵̥͎͕̠̰̻̔ͦ̃h̶͓̖̙̙̺̝̖̠̾̈́̉͊̄̿̊͌u̮̤͛ͭ̇̆̓̓̎u̷̵̩̱̽ͫͬ̀u̷̳̓̐̉̇͒͘ủ̄̒͋́̅҉̧͚̝̖̤̖͎̬͙ͅų̸̞͈̼̳̥̻̄ͨ̽̋̈͘u̗̰̠̬̮̣̮͒̿̓̒̒̔̌ͤͅu̴̺̖̖̳͆̉̔ͤ̓̌̂u̷̢͉̠̗̲̜̬̱ͯ̏̇̆͒́̄̚͟ư͇͚̤̾̕͞u͖̯͈͚̺͚̠ͤ̋̈́͡ų͛ͣ̔͆҉͔̲u͍̤ͣṳ̧̱̲̜̮̄̑̌̒ͨ͘u̥͍͔͇̝̮ͦ̂̋ͩͪ̀ͅͅu̗͇ͬ̍ͤ̕ůͯ̐̓̐͋́͞ͅuͤ̍ͪͧ͏̭͍̪̤͔͍͓͚̀