Metal Gear Solid and the Twilight of the PlayStation 3

About a year ago, Sony told us that they’d be discontinuing PlayStation 3 and Vita support for their online service PlayStation Plus, which up until now had featured free games each month for their three most current gaming platforms. And the time has finally come. After March 8, the PlayStation 4 will stand alone – at least when it comes to PS Plus.

There hasn’t been a ton of notable Vita content for Plus members in the last year, and predictably, the handheld is ending its Plus tenure with another pair of unremarkable games. However, anyone who’s still rocking their PS3 this month can enjoy one of the console’s greatest exclusives: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. 

When it came out in 2008, MGS4 showed off the power of the PlayStation 3 beautifully, giving players an experience that simply wasn’t possible on the last generation’s hardware. It’s fitting that the final Plus offering for the PS3 is a title that, for many, was the first truly must-have exclusive for the system. And more than ten years later, it’s STILL only on the PS3, baby.

MGS4 introduces players to Old Snake, an aging and ailing version of the hero from Metal Gear Solid 1. Thanks to his exposure to the FOXDIE virus (and probably nanomachines somehow), Snake’s body has deteriorated, leaving him struggling to keep up with younger, more agile soldiers on the battlefield. On the surface, he’s become a relic. But as the game shows us, Snake is still capable of downright amazing things. As Dr. Thomas Oliver might say, “[he] might be old, but [he] can still pull it off.”

PlayStation 3 hit the shelves in November of 2006 and has survived far longer than anyone might have imagined, overcoming an awkward launch to outlive its popular rival, the once-mighty Xbox 360. Much like Old Snake, PS3 just keeps chugging along, despite more powerful gaming machines having taken over five years ago. Sony stopped churning out PlayStation 3 units in May 2017 in Japan, the last holdout of PS3 production worldwide. And yet, after a staggering dozen-plus years on the market, there’s still a trickle of new content for the system, and many game servers are still running. Wanna play a few online rounds of Ultra Street Fighter IV, the final version of Capcom’s fighting masterpiece? Go ahead, it’s still up. What’s more surprising is that original Street Fighter IV is still kicking too, now ten years after the first of its Hadokens, Sonic Booms, and Tiger Uppercuts graced our screens.

Old syle, "fat" PS3, 80 gigs

 But also like Old Snake, the writing’s on the wall for Sony’s first Blu-Ray console. As times goes on, game servers are being shut down, blocking the multiplayer functionality of some PS3 games and making others entirely unplayable. The loss of PlayStation Home, Tekken Revolution, and the Resistance trilogy come to mind, and Warhawk, an online only game from 2007, finally called it quits on January 31, 2019. (That’s yesterday, if you’re reading this the day I post it.) More heartbreaks are inevitably on the way.

The end of PlayStation Plus support is a big nail in the PS3’s coffin, but what denotes a console’s death? I can still play lots of the system’s best games online. I can still walk into a Gamestop and purchase used PS3 games. The PlayStation Store is still happy to sell me a wealth of PS3 content, and New Rocksmith songs were still being released as of January 29, 2019. (That’s only three days before the publication of this article.)  

So how DO we determine when the system is fully in the past? I don’t really know yet.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots was billed as the final Metal Gear Solid game, the epic conclusion to a series that, in 2008, had already spanned more than 20 years. It gave us Old Snake, showed us what a hero was like when his best days were far behind him, and hinted heavily that the Legendary Hero of Shadow Moses wouldn’t survive to see the credits. But you know something? At the bitter end of MGS4, Old Snake is still alive, despite being shot, sickened, and microwaved. With all that behind him, he’s ready to live whatever life he’s got left, and no longer cares about the whens and hows of his inevitable passing.

That’s what it’s like right now to be a PS3 owner who still values his console. We all know the end is coming, sooner than later, but the PlayStation 3 has surpassed literally every expectation I’ve had for its lifespan. Now it’s time to re-download the greatest games of the console’s past and get ready for the PS3’s retirement – starting with Metal Gear Solid 4.

They said MGS4 would be the last, but of course there WAS another Metal Gear Solid game about eight years later in late 2015. Having pumped more than 200 hours into Metal Gear Solid V a few years back, I recently found myself wanting an excuse to play it again. On a whim, I got a new copy for PS3 on Amazon for about 10 bucks. I guess I could have played my PS4 copy, but I wanted to experience it all again from the very beginning.

And now on the eve of PlayStation Plus PS3 support fading away forever, I’m suddenly sitting on one of the system’s first killer apps, and what might be the console’s last triple A game worth playing. The first and the last. The Alpha and the Omega. The Liquid and the Solid. How apropos.

I won’t pretend that the PlayStation 3 is my main gaming system anymore, or that I even turn it on more than a few hours a week. But it’s always been there for me, always ready for one more Street Fighter match, or more more trip to the African jungles of Far Cry, or one more look at the rise and demise of history’s greatest assassin, Ezio Auditore. Up until now, I’ve been kinda bummed about PS Plus support ending and what that means for the future of the PS3. But I think it’s time to stop thinking about the end, and start considering the future. Like Old Snake, there’s not a whole lot of fight left in the PS3, but there’s still a whole lot of heart.

“I’ll remember everything you were. And stick with you to the end.”  

- Otacon, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

Gaming Memories: The Sega Sonic Summer of '94

There wasn’t a whole lot to do during the summer for an 11-year-old suburbanite with no money, so I spent my days the best way I could imagine: finishing Sonic 3 on every save file the game offered. Sonic 3 wasn’t my favorite Genesis game, but I had already played Streets of Rage 2, Moonwalker, and Castlevania Bloodlines to death. Sonic 3 had some fun secrets to discover and a snappy, oddly familiar soundtrack. And best of all, I had a copy on-hand and ready to go.

Outside the pavement radiated heat and we didn’t have air conditioning, so as Sonic splashed through HyrdoCity, I swam in a pool of my own sweat. But as the day wore on, black clouds overtook the sunny summer sky. I paused the game and watched as the heavens burst. Rain cascaded down my streets as relief came in the form of an earthy scent and cool breeze.

It was one of those moments that defined the joy of childhood for me. Back then, there was magic in video game a controller, and a hot day, and an unexpected storm.

An Assassin’s Creed Retrospective, Part V: Pandemonium and a Pint in Jolly Old England

Today is Friday, October 27, 2017, and that means Assassin’s Creed Origins has been released worldwide! I hope you enjoy your new game while people in the storm ravaged areas of Puerto Rico, Texas, Florida, and beyond search for missing pets/grandmas, struggle with crippling depression, and fight to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together. I wonder how many bottles of clean drinking water $65 could buy?

Also, if you preordered Origins, you get the bonus mission “Secrets of the First Pyramids.” Fun!

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate. Release Date: 10/2015. Available on Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC

Syndicate is basically Unity in England with the game set to “fun” in the options screen. Oh, and also a sweet grappling hook.

The game looks and plays much like its older, buggier brother, but introduces a pair of main characters that the player can switch between on the fly. Meet brother and sister duo Jacob and Evie Frye, who bring slightly different skills to the table. Jacob, who specializes in combat efficiency, is probably the most charismatic and likable murderous psychopath since Ezio Auditore from Assassin’s Creed II. Evie, who specializes in stealth, is more of a generic by-the-book assassin we’ve come to expect at this point. There’s a few Odd Couple-style interactions between the pair, but their relationship is mostly played for drama.

While Jacob has the better personality, it soon becomes apparent that Evie’s skillset is more useful. That’s why it’s so infuriating that most important missions are exclusive to her asshat brother. I’d suggest that Jacob is favored by the game developers simply because he’s a man, but the Jack the Ripper DLC (see below) is almost exclusively Evie’s show. Chalk it up to making a more challenging game, I guess.

Anyway, the Frye twins spend the game building up their own gang, the Rooks, and trying to reestablish the waning assassin presence in London. It’s yet another situation in Assassin’s Creed where the storyline is neither memorable nor what you’d call “good,” but the Fryes are surrounded by a gaggle of excellent supporting characters to spice things up. From a pair of Chareses (Dickens and Darwin) to transgender businessman Ned Wynert and badass Indian prince Duleep Singh, it’s the endearing characters that keep cut scenes from dragging, not the lukewarm tale of… whatever’s going on in London. And mercifully, the present day interruptions are kept to a bare minimum this time around. Anything that lets me get back murdering random people on the streets because I don’t like their hat, or their horse is ugly, is much welcome.

Speaking of horses, buggies (no, not like Unity’s levitating townspeople) are a big part of Syndicate. It’s a fast way to get from point A to B, but it also leads to some of the dullest missions around. (Doesn’t every gamer want to drive slowly to protect their passengers?) Other highlights include recruiting gang members to do your brutalizing for you, the aforementioned grappling hook that makes climbing easier but only works when it feels like it, and shooting civilians off their rowboats on the Thames River and into a death’s icy, wet embrace.

In true AC fashion, here’s literally hundreds of things scattered around the industrial slums to collect and immediately forget about. It’s not good game design, but it appeals to the completionist in me, so it gets a pass. Other returning annoyances include paying real-world cash for in-game currency, missions where you slowly follow some rando around until the game remembers it’s an action title again, and load times that afford the player a convent break to stop and make themselves a grilled cheese.

Overall, Syndicate is the game Unity should have been. Industrial Revolution London is a lot of fun to explore, and there’s even a brief section focusing on World War I for variety. Strangely, Syndicate’s biggest problem is that there’s too much content on offer: the game was still giving me new missions after I earned the platinum trophy. Had the more tedious aspects had been lessened and some sleep inducing-missions cut, Syndicate could have been a classic. But even as it stands, the game stands head-and-shoulders over most of its AC brethren, stabbing its way nearly to the top of a long line of bestselling, iconic games and also AC Revelations.

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate: Jack the Ripper. Release Date: 12/2015. Available on Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC

Oh, I say, BRRR!

Set 20 years after the main events of Syndicate, the Jack the Ripper features a bite-sized chunk of Creedy goodness wrapped in a familiar package.

Continuing the Assassin’s Creed tradition of underwhelming DLC, JtR takes place entirely in sections of the game we’ve already seen in Syndicate… or does it? In fact, there are several episodes in this ten mission arc that take place in entirely new locations. Of particular interest is Lady O’s mansion, which is an excellent playground for destruction. With underpowered enemies, no place for them to escape, and plenty of dark nooks in which to lurk, this mission starts feeling less like Assassin’s Creed and more like a movie in the Halloween series.

The creepy atmosphere is enhanced by a wicked (like the witch, not Boston) soundtrack, the cold, unforgiving landscape of London in wintertime, and Jack himself, who looks like a cross between Charles Dickens and Jason from Friday the 13^th Part II, what with his burlap sack mask and penchant for stabbing.

The new fear-based combat system rounds out the spookiness by letting the player terrorize enemies. Unlike its parent game, the focus in Jack the Ripper isn’t to kill the bad guys, so much as it is to brutalize them physically and mentally. Sometimes, you feel more like Batman than Evie Frye. The difference is, Batman never left criminals to die pinned down to the middle of a busy road or scared them into shooting each other in face.

Some of the side missions are eye-meltingly boring, but on the whole, staking around London in Jack the Ripper is great fun. Too bad this one isn’t a standalone like Freedom Cry, or I’d have recommended it to people who don’t feel like plunging into Syndicate’s plethora of content but still want to take a short trip to Jolly Old England.

An Arbitrary ranking of all main Assassin’s Creed Games

All right, folks. You had to know this was coming. You can’t do a proper retrospective without a list of the author’s favorite and least favorite titles.

Only entries into the main 3D series will be considered for this list, so any handheld or 2D Creed games will not appear. Liberation is not an exception to this rule since we’ll be reviewing the HD version on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, not the PS Vita original.

Expansions and spinoffs such as The Tyranny of King Washington and Freedom Cry are considered part of their originator game and thus will not be ranked separately.

All games are ranked as they stand today, with all stability patches installed. Basically, imagine a new copy of each game purchased and played on October 27, 2017 with all updates applied.

The higher up on the list within the tier, the better the game.

Now, without further ado:

LEGENDARY TIER – Great games worth playing for all gamers.

-          Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag

-          Assassin’s Creed II

EXCELLENT TIER – Great games worth playing for fans of Assassin’s Creed and maybe other gamers too.

-          Assassin’s Creed Syndicate

-          Assassin’s Creed III

-          Assassin’s Creed Rogue

GOOD TIER – Fun games, but nothing special. Worth a play for AC fans, or if you get ‘em cheap.

-          Assassin’s Creed Unity

-          Assassin’s Creed: Liberation HD

-          Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood

MEH TIER – Not bad, but you’re not missing much if you skip it.

-          Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

AWFUL TIER – One of the worst games ever made.

-          Assassin’s Creed I

Brotherhood ranks so “low” because it’s basically just ACII again, but note that it’s still in a tier of recommended titles. Assassin’s Creed III is aided by its expansion, The Tyranny of King Washington, helping it to pull ahead of Rogue. Black Flag is unhindered by the shrug-worthy Freedom Cry expansion and the Jack the Ripper DLC made the choice between Syndicate and ACIII much easier.  

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So there you have it, folks. Now you should be all ready for Origins! Or if you’re so inclined, take a look at the earlier entries in the Assassin’s Creed series in Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV of the retrospective. Happy stabbing! 

(And seriously, why not donate a few bucks to the Red Cross?)

An Assassin’s Creed Retrospective, Part IV: Goodbye New York, Hello Glitches

Assassin’s Creed Origins, the latest entry in Ubisoft’s much milked beloved franchise, is set to hit the shelves on Friday, October 27. It puts players in the excessively lacey sandals of Bayek, one of the first assassins, as he roams around ancient Egypt, presumably hanging out with pre-embalmed mummies and building pyramids by stabbing them.

The release marks the 10^th anniversary of the first Assassin’s Creed title, the fourth anniversary of when Ubisoft should probably have stopped making AC games, and the first anniversary of that time Russia assassinated a major American election just for the lulz.

American Election 2016

Last time on Dragon Creed Z, the series’ first female assassin, Aveline, played deadly dress-up in New Orleans in AC: Liberation; Capt. Kenway went trollin’ for treasure in Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag, and slave turned assassin Adéwalé served up an afternoon’s worth of forgettable fun in Freedom Cry.

Today, we wrap things up in America with Assassin’s Creed Rogue before heading to France for the biggest and buggiest Assassin’s Creed game yet!

Assassin’s Creed Rogue. Release Date: 11/2014. Available on Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC

Rogue is what college kids eat at the end of the semester when they’ve got a sack of leftover take out, a lone package of shrimp ramen, an a half-eaten can of frosting from freshman year.

Using story and game assets shamelessly ripped from Assassin’s Creed 3 and 4, Rogue acts both as a farewell to the Xbox 360/PlayStation 3 era and a semi-sequel to Capt. Kenway’s questionable adventures on the high seas. Released the same day as Assassin’s Creed Unity, which was the series’ first outing on then-next generation consoles PS4 and Xbone, few expected this stopgap title to be anything more than a cash grab for starving AC fans stuck with last gen tech.

And in a way, they were right: Rogue offers up a scant six memory sequences in waters we’ve traveled before. Back are many of the characters from AC3, as well as Black Flag’s seafaring combat, albeit in a colder climate than its topical cousin. At first glance, Rogue is AC4 in a parka, but then a funny thing happened: Compared to Unity’s buggy release (see below), fans began heralding this side project as the better game.

It would seem that by lifting the burden of creating all new assets and focusing on a side story entrenched in established AC lore, programmers were free to come up with a fun game in short amount of time. Shay Cormac is a good lead, especially by Assassin’s Creed’s low standards, and his transformation from Assassin to Templar – a first for the series – is dark and fraught with personal turmoil. It’s almost interesting, until the stupid present day scenes disrupt the gameplay like always. At least we don’t have to hear from that twit Desmond Miles anymore.  (Spoiler: HE DEAD)

Rogue serves as a nice lead-in to Unity and a satisfying wrap-up to the “Americas” trilogy, but not much else. It was a cheap attempt to milk one last payday from the PS3 and Xbox 360 to be sure, but it hits the AC sweet spot just long enough to keep players from caring about the reused locations and déjà vu combat.  

Assassin’s Creed Unity. Release Date: 11/2014. Available on Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC

Despite a pretty good (if generic) Assassin’s Creed title at its core, Unity was never able to recover from its infamously botched launch.

By the time I played it, Unity had been patched like a pack-a-day smoker looking to quit by sundown – and it was STILL a ramshackle mess. I got stuck in walls, characters’ body parts would disappear but they’d keep walking around like everything was hunky-dory, NPCs would casually start hovering three feet above the ground showing me their invisible crotches – the list goes on and on. I can only imagine the injustices that early Unity adopters were accosted with. So bad was the blunder that Ubisoft claimed sales of the subsequent Assassin’s Creed game, Syndicate, had been throttled by Unity’s horrendous reception.

So here’s where I should talk about the storyline. But even though I played it long enough to get the platinum trophy, I can’t remember what the game’s protagonist, Arno, looks like, sounds like, or even what his motivations were. I’ve heard him described as a less charismatic version of Ezio, beloved star of Assassin’s Creed II, but that’s an insult to understatements. The best part about Arno is that his name sounds like Marno, which is very nearly Mario, as in Super Mario. Too bad Arno doesn’t eat mushrooms or jump on Goombas or have a shred of personality whatsoever.

The only thing I remember about Unity’s storyline, aside from the fact that the game is set in France and Arno wants to bone some chick, is that Arno’s dad was assassinated by Rogue protagonist Shay Cormic. Oh, and there was a stupid companion app that took hours to play and awarded the diligent with in-game garbage every so often. I guess that doesn’t have much to do with plot, unless Unity was really going for that classic “forgettable game” story everyone digs so much.

There was also a pay-to-win mechanic where players could buy in-game currency, “time-saver” maps, and other shit that that drains away all of the remaining challenge and charm from Unity’s single player experience. So if you just want to finish Unity quickly and have the least amount of fun possible, get 100 bucks worth of helix credits, buy a bunch of stab-proof armor, and waltz though Paris murdering whomever you please until you run out of story missions.  

I’ve been pretty down on it so far, but Unity wasn’t all bad. What I do like is the multiplayer. While pervious Creeds focused on a ho-hum player vs. player system, the co-op multiplayer found in Unity lives up to the game’s title. Up to four players can tackle exclusive missions, share treasure, and generally wreck the Templars’ Saturday nights. There was also a great looking sequence featuring hot air balloons zooming over Paris, and a “glitch” that sent players barreling forward in time to World War II for some variety.

In the end, Unity is a good looking, decently entertaining, and mostly forgettable title marred by poor quality standards. Let me put it to you like this: I was introduced to the Assassin’s Creed series when AC4 and Unity came with my Xbox One. I decided to play AC4 first, and thank God I did – if I had started with Unity, you probably wouldn’t be reading this right now.

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Next time, the Assassin’s Creed series will stop for a pint in jolly old England before taking on the legendary Jack the Ripper.

Tekken 7 and the "Death" of Geese Howard

Evolution 2017, the biggest fighting game tournament in the world, brought with it a lot of surprises - but not all of them involved major players getting sent home early, untimely technical issues, or come from behind victories on the main stage.

It was announced that Fatal Fury antagonist Geese Howard, famously kicked out of the top floor of a high-rise by all American pugilist Terry Bogard (twice), will be making his return to the ring by way of Tekken 7, Namco's newest entry in the long-running fighting franchise. Howard joins Street Fighter's Akuma as the second guest character to appear in the game since its release several months ago.

While most people are speculating on how dear ol' Geese is going to make the transition to the fake 3D world, all I can think about is this:

Someplace like ‘Home’ – ‘Atom Universe’ the successor to Sony’s defunct social hub?

Today marks the second anniversary of the day Sony shutdown PlayStation Home, a virtual world experiment that all PlayStation 3 owners could enjoy for free. The sting of Home’s closure has long since subsided, but that doesn’t mean dedicated Homesters haven’t been on the lookout for a spiritual successor to everyone’s favorite social hub/LSD simulator.

Some have pointed to Atom Universe, available now for free on PS4, as that game. But I doubt it. Atom Universe embraces all the worst aspects of PlayStation Home in one appalling package.

Nothing I can come up with is funner than the fact that this guy's name is "SpackerJacker."

To be fair, Atom Universe is in open beta. Also to be fair, if PlayStation Home was some nerd’s awkward but charming party where someone spiked the punch, Atom Universe is a handful of sweaty townies masturbating in a dumpster behind a Long John Silvers, and someone pissed in the punch. And that person was a gas pump.

There’s not a whole lot of clothing options for the new Atom Universe player. Male avatars can wear leftover bodysuits from the first X-Men film in charming colors like black, dark black, midnight, and neon green. Female avatars default to some kind of space robot dominatrix, which looks like it would be a real turn-on for terminators and replicants alike.  

Players can enjoy one of two equally depressing game spaces: The Hub, wherein users ignore nearly unplayable, carnival-themed minigames as well as each other; and The Arcade, wherein players chose a single dance move, then walk away from their PS4 seemingly forever, their freakishly dressed avatars doomed to do the Hustle until the end of time.

In this photo, my overgrown leprechaun stares creepily at the rabbit woman's behind.

Atom Universe doesn’t have many players, so a lot of my favorite PlayStation Home pranks don’t apply. Running past crowds of people exclaiming “I slapped a baby” doesn’t work without the crowds, and sadly, the word “anus” is censored. What if I’m a doctor trying to discuss the latest in proctological advancements, the neon drenched world of Atom Universe as my backdrop? We’d be forced to say “anu5,” and that’s just disrespectful.

Atom Universe tries to tap into the same zany charm that was one of PlayStation Home’s biggest draws, but with so few players, clothing options, and locations, it falls flat on its face. It isn’t a total wash, but Atom Universe’s value lies almost entirely in its comparison to its predecessor. In this case, lightning simply cannot strike twice. PlayStation Home was a shared experience among PS3 players, a unique solution to the question of how to bring players together in a social gaming setting. It was special. But Atom Universe aspires to be nothing more than a PS Home clone.

It's hard to read, but someone ran by and said "I gotta find hoes." 

Sometimes a clone can be just as good as the game that inspired it. Saint’s Row is every bit as fun as Grand Theft Auto, Streets of Rage stands tall with Final Fight, and Silent Hill 1 scares up some Resident Evil inspired greatness.

But there’s only one PlayStation Home. And that’s okay. 

Case of the phantom victory: A Tekken Revolution epilogue

It's always the Tekken with you! Enough with the Tekken already! Oy vey!

Yeah, I thought I was done with Tekken Revolution too. That is, until I opened the media gallery on my cellphone yesterday and found this:

That’s a screenshot from a video I took at about 4:12 a.m. on March 21, 2017. When TR kept running after the advertised 3 a.m. shutdown time, I was left recording aimlessly, trying to capture the exact moment the game went offline for good. Since I’ve only got a few gigs to work with on my old-ass phone, I deleted most of the dud footage as needed.

Anyway, I opened my gallery and there that video was, like the cat that came back the very next day or the stolen clown nose from that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.

I know what you’re thinking. “So what’s the big deal? You forgot to delete a video. This is the worst creepypasta I’ve ever inexplicably copied and emailed to my former rabbi.” Not so fast, dear reader. Take a look at the WINS counter. What do you see?

That’s right, 401.

If you read my last article, you know that I spent the entire final day of Tekken Revolution fighting my way to exactly 400 wins. A little secret: I tried a few times to get to 401, but got ripped in half by better, more awake players.

So where did the last victory come from?

After 3 a.m., I joined random battle lobbies trying to catch interesting footage while I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe in my bleary eyed, up-all-night state, I entered a fight somehow. You could be getting your ass handed to you in Tekken Revolution, but if you lost the connection to you opponent, you'd win!

It's a pretty solid, if unspectacular, explanation. But none of the surviving footage backs that theory up. I have a video that ended at 3:44 a.m. and this one, as I mentioned, which began at 4:12 a.m. So at some point in-between, I acquired this phantom win.

What happened in those 28 minutes, I’ll never know. But I think there’s a reasonable explanation: You ever hear of missing time? It’s a common experience among those who have been abducted by extraterrestrials…