Forever Funktastic: It’s Never Too Late for Earthbound

Regular patrons of Starmen.net are no doubt familiar with the Earthbound Funktastic Gameplay event, in which participants play through Earthbound over the course of a month. Many of us wait with bated breath for the summer to roll around so we can be given the opportunity (or as some would see it, the excuse) to experience one of our favorite games again. This summer, MOTHER 3 was given the spotlight, and Earthbounders will have to wait until October to get their fanfest on. But if you’ve still got the itch to see good ol’ Ness in action this summer, you’ve still got a few options.

Even in an age when you can pay bills, have tomatoes sent to your grandfather, and get married without ever leaving your comfortable, most likely stinky computer chair, you don’t always have to do what the web tells you. (Well, not yet, anyway. It’s only a matter of time before they send out the robots.) For a healthy punch of nostalgia, go to classic starmen.net at http://ebfgp.starmen.net/ebfgps03/ and play along with the 2003 fanfest. Just start at Day One and follow along with the original calendar.

That’s all fine and good, but what if you don’t have the time to play every day? This is especially true with classes about to resume and precious few days of summer left. “I never got a chance to wax my goat or protest the cancellation of Diff’rent Strokes by shaving off my eyebrows!” I can hear you yelling. “I need the rest of the summer to do those other things!” And I agree with you. Never one to advocate missing out on summer or even, God forbid, truancy from classes, I’ve got the solution for you: Play Earthbound at your own pace. It encourages exploration and discovery at one’s own discretion.

“That makes sense, but what if I hate pants?” I can hear some of your saying. “I can’t play Earthbound in my skivvies!” Don’t worry, fellow Earthbounder! If your eye offends you, pluck it out! And if your pants offend you, take them off! I too hate those accursed pants, and have sworn to only wear them when I must. In doing so, I’ve discovered something: Earthbound is an equal opportunity video game. It doesn’t care if you’re black or white, Asian or Jewish, pantsed or pantless. Earthbound, my friend, is for everyone – adults, kids, and young women, too.

Even if you don’t have time to run through the entire Earthbound storyline, do yourself a favor – just go back and play the game a little bit. You know that save file you never finished that’s been on your cartridge since 2001? It doesn’t matter where you last saved. Plug it in and give it a whirl. Or maybe you’d just like to start a new game and walk around Onett for a bit. Hey, that’s cool. Just grab the controller and reminisce for a while.

Don’t miss this opportunity to relive your childhood and remember what makes Earthbound so great. Whether you play it every other Sunday or have regular Earthbound marathons, like the sign post in Threed says, “just play it!”